Six years after our breakup, I encountered Joy Astor again at the lowest, most wretched point of my life.
It was a class reunion. No one expected Joy Astor to show up.
Someone joked, asking him, "Astor never stays in touch with any of us. What made you come to the reunion this year?"
"Is it because you heard Claire was coming? Do you still think about her? Did you come looking for her?"
Sitting in the corner, my back stiffened instantly. I looked up to see Joy Astor with a cigarette dangling from his lips, his gaze icy as it fixed on me.
Everyone knew how deeply Joy Astor had once loved me.
He was the young master of the Astor family, yet he fell for me at first sight.
That year, he cut ties with his family for my sake, renouncing power and wealth, fighting desperately just to be with me.
We lived in a tiny rented apartment, sharing instant noodles. Life was hard, yet filled with happiness.
On every intimate night, our fingers would intertwine as we swore to be together forever.
Until later, I got pregnant.
His mother offered me three million dollars to abort our child and leave him.
That day, Joy Astor knelt outside the operating room, pounding his fists against the door.
Over and over, through tears, he begged me: "Darling, darling... I'll work hard, I'll earn money, I'll support us. I will make millions, all for you to spend, okay?"
"Please, I'm begging you... don't leave me, and don't give up our baby..."
I lay on the operating table, biting my lip hard to stifle my sobs.
Separated by a thin door, I heard Joy Astor say he would hate me forever.
No one knew how ugly my breakup with Joy Astor had been.
Someone pushed me towards him, laughing as they asked Joy Astor, "Joy loved Claire so much he'd have died for her back then. How could he bear to let her go?"
Everyone egged us on, urging us to rekindle our past.
Joy's friend glanced at me, a sneer curling his lips, and suddenly spoke up: "Astor can have any woman he wants. What is Claire? Why should he pine over her?"
He said there was a woman who'd been with Joy for three years.
She was gentler, prettier, and more suited to be Joy's girlfriend than I ever was.
Joy Astor had been with her for three years. His friends all called her 'sister-in-law'. Rumor had it they were about to get married.
The laughter and chatter died down. Only Joy's friend kept talking, inviting everyone to Joy Astor's wedding.
He flicked an invitation towards me. It hit my face before falling into my lap.
I looked down. The invitation bore Joy Astor's name. Beside it, was another girl's.
Her name was Vivian. Just hearing it, you knew she must be a good girl.
I thought she must be more sensible than me, more obedient, better at caring for others, someone who wouldn't constantly make Joy Astor sad.
Six years apart, this unexpected reunion... Knowing Joy Astor was doing well was enough.
I swallowed the tears threatening to fall, lifted my head, and said to Joy Astor, "Congratulations."
Joy Astor stared straight at me. Hearing my congratulations, he suddenly laughed. He crushed his cigarette viciously and said coldly, "Claire, don't come to the wedding."
"My wife wouldn't like seeing you. If she's unhappy, it hurts me."
Clutching the thin, red invitation, I froze for a moment.
Then I smiled, nodded, and whispered, "Okay."
That day, everyone said it seemed Joy Astor truly didn't love me anymore.
No one could have imagined how deeply we had once loved.
In the end, he was getting married, and the bride wasn't me.
Everyone had assumed Joy Astor would wait for me forever.
Everyone was curious about this Vivian girl – who was she, to captivate Joy Astor so completely, to be cherished by him like this?
Knowing Joy didn't want to see me, I left the reunion early.
On the way home, a friend sent me a picture of Vivian.
She looked pure and innocent in the photo. I heard she loved to laugh and knew how to be sweetly coy, exactly the kind of girl Joy liked.
My friend asked, "Claire, don't you think Vivian's smile looks a lot like yours?"
"Do you think Joy Astor still loves you? Is it really over between you two?"
I let out a soft sigh. After a long silence, I smiled and said, "It doesn't matter anymore. I don't care."
I didn't want to be entangled with Joy anymore.
I thought he would never know that I had kept a secret from everyone: I had secretly given birth to our child.
That child was sick. Dying.
This year was my hardest, my poorest.
I worked myself to the bone, desperate to afford the best medicine for the child, to ease his pain when he was ill.
For money, I could swallow my pride and go to a reunion to borrow, or work as a hostess in clubs, drinking until my stomach bled.
I thought that reunion was probably the last time Joy and I would ever see each other.
Until a few days later, the girl named Vivian found me.
Vivian had likely heard others say she resembled me and wanted to see for herself.
She came to the club with some friends, specifically asking for me.
One girl demanded, "So you're Claire? Astor's first love?"
Her eyes held contempt as she took in my thick makeup, as if saying I was dirty.
I clenched my fists, swallowing my anger, not wanting trouble. "Can I get you ladies a drink?" I asked.
If they weren't drinking, they shouldn't waste my time earning money.
The girl, probably feeling I'd slighted her, snapped at me: "What's your attitude? Are you deaf? I'm talking to you! Don't push your luck."
She pointed at a bottle of strong liquor. "Alright, Claire, you like money, right? Chug this whole bottle, and I'll give you two hundred thousand."
Drinking that bottle would probably land me in the hospital.
Vivian feigned concern, tugging at the girl's arm. "We agreed we were just coming to look. We weren't going to make things hard for Claire!"
"Even though everyone says she's good at seducing men, warned me to be careful... Even Joy said I'm too naive, worried she might bully me."
"But I'll be fine."
Listening quietly to Vivian, I understood. She was telling me how much Joy liked her, and how much he despised me.
I smiled faintly, didn't argue, just looked at her friend and asked, "So, we're agreed? I drink the bottle, you give me two hundred thousand. Right?"
Then I picked up the bottle from the table and started pouring it down my throat.
Everyone was stunned. No one expected me to risk my life for money like that.
Vivian grabbed my hand, her voice soft and reproachful: "Claire, how can you degrade yourself like this just for money?"
"We women need to know what shame is. I didn't want to say this, I didn't want to hurt you, but... do you know what Joy hates most? Women like you..."
I finished the bottle, ignoring the searing pain in my gut, and cut her off. "The money?"
"What Joy likes or hates is none of my business. I just want the two hundred thousand you promised."
Vivian frowned, looking at me with disappointment. Softly, she said, "Claire, honestly, two hundred thousand is pocket change to me. I could give it to anyone. But I can't give it to you."
"You can hate me, but I'm doing this for your own good. I can't stand by and watch you keep sinking lower..."
Her friend shoved me, laughing. "I was just messing with you. I'm not giving you a dime. What are you gonna do about it?"
Coldly, I laughed too. Then I raised my hand and smashed the empty bottle hard against the table. Shards of glass flew, one catching Vivian's leg, slicing it open. Blood welled up.
Vivian's tears fell instantly. The noisy women fell silent.
The next second, the private room door swung open. Joy Astor stood in the doorway, his gaze freezing me where I stood.
I stood paralyzed, unable to meet his eyes.
He saw me. Me, with thick makeup, laughing and flirting with men for money. The state I was in, the thing I most didn't want him to see.
I didn't care if others looked down on me. Only Joy. I didn't want him to know how wretched my life had become.
But in the end, even that small wish was shattered.
I gathered every ounce of strength, forced indifference onto my face, and made myself look up. I watched as Joy reached out, pulled Vivian into his arms, and gently wiped away her tears.
Then, word by deliberate word, he asked me: "Claire. Who do you think you're bullying right in front of me?"
"You want money? Fine. Apologize first."
I watched Joy protecting Vivian, and remembered a long time ago, he used to protect me just like that.
