Chapter 34

A totally flabbergasted Cheryl exasperatedly responds, "Hated…Cory; I swear…I never hated you." A doubting Corrine contends, "I don't know, Mom…it sure felt like you did. Like you didn't want to be around me. That I disgusted you whenever you saw me." Finally speaking aloud all those pent up feelings festering inside her, the angry contempt Corrine's been manifesting and imposing towards Cheryl suddenly transitions into a wave of despairing sadness and an overwhelming desire to be loved by her mother; and she's instantly consumed by it. She covers her face with cupped hands and begins crying into them. Cheryl begins to move in to stroke Corrine's hair; but then immediately stops, quickly draws her hand over her mouth and gasps. She instantly succumbs to the amassed guilt she's been unknowingly harboring over Corrine for nearly fourteen years; which tonight has inevitably surfaced, and can no longer be ignored. "Oh my God, Corrine…I…I…you're right. I mean…it wasn't that I hated you…or stopped loving you. But I did…oh please forgive me for saying this…I…I resented you." Corrine forces herself to stop crying, as she wipes away her tears and faces Cheryl. "What do you mean you resented me, Mom? Why?" A self-reproachful Cheryl awkwardly tries to justify her attitude towards Corrine all those years. "Your sister was two-years-old and dying from leukemia…" she pauses briefly before continuing, "Cory; do you know that I can't remember a single day that you were ever sick? You only went to the doctor when it was time for your check ups or to get your shots…never because you were sick. You were always so healthy…always. And your sister was so sick…" Cheryl interlaces her fingers while bringing them up under her chin, closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath. She slowly exhales, unlaces her fingers while bringing her hands back down to rest on her lap, opens her eyes and looks back at Corrine. "You couldn't possibly understand how that made me feel." Corrine feels an excruciating, heart-wrenching pain as Cheryl's words cut her like a knife. She agitatedly snaps back… "Couldn't understand how that made you feel?! What…you don't think that ever once crossed my mind, Mom? You don't think that I ever felt guilty over the fact that Na was so sick; and I was fine?" Corrine's eyes start tearing. "She was my baby sister! And I could have lost her, too; Mom…it wouldn't have been just you; I would've lost Na, too." Corrine dries her eyes and recomposes herself a little before continuing. "So…because Na was sick; and I was healthy…you resented me for that?" Cheryl looks down remorsefully, as tears begin to stream down her face. "Yes…Oh God forgive me; I'm a terrible mother…but yes. I did, Cory…at first." She wipes her face dry. "But then I think it wasn't so much the resentment towards you…but more like the guilt I had of myself for resenting you for not being sick. And I couldn't face you because of that…I was so ashamed. I'm still so ashamed." Cheryl looks away; but when Corrine takes hold of her hand, she looks back at her daughter. "It's okay, Mom…you're not the only one who's ever felt shame over their past feelings. The day I got here, I confessed to Na how I was so jealous of her when she was a baby that I wished she was never born." Cheryl disbelievingly asks, "You did?" Corrine regrettably replies, "Yeah." "Oh God…" Cheryl lets out a shamed chuckle, "some family we are; huh?" "Yes…we are, Mom." "Are what, Cory?" Corrine lovingly strokes Cheryl's hand. "Family, Mom." News of her sudden death caught everyone off guard; although once the initial shock had passed, it wasn't deemed as that much of a surprise. Death was only inevitable in her case; but that doesn't make its occurrence any less significant for those who knew her. Adele has certainly been affected by her death; which seems to have taken its hardest impact upon her. Monday morning, and the word spread like wildfire throughout all the homerooms. Miss Krinsky had died from a stroke over the weekend. With the exception of her grandfather, Miss Krinsky was the only other person that Adele knew, who had died. Sure, her mother died when she was an infant, but Adele never had gotten the chance to know her. But Adele did know Miss Krinsky. As a matter of fact, coming in right after Grandma and Grandpa Joe…and the just recently added Nadine Martin… Miss Krinsky was the next person on her list of those few select others that she could comfortably interact with.