Chapter34

Giving weight to my arm I move up looking down at his eyes which are gawking at me, chewing my inner cheek I kneel over my left and stand up to my feet. I turn around when he gets up as his eyes never leaves me. I stand there nervously not sure of what should be done next, nervousness is killing me right now when I feel my skin heat up, staring at the ground I try to settle my mind which is being a mess. He kissed me Why? What's going on his mind? "WanKe," he calls out softly but I just stand there facing the opposite direction ignoring his presence. "Wanke," he calls again his voice a little louder but I stay still not ready to face the situation with my blank mind. "Xing Xing," turning around instantly I hit on his arm angrily, he is really getting into my nerves right now. "I.....," "Don't speak," I snap "Let's go back it's getting dark," without giving him a glance I turn around to walk but stop in my tracks when he holds my arm gently. "Xing....," "Stop calling me that," grunting under my breath I turn around to face him glaring at him by digging holes in his eyes in his eyes but my inner being cannot resist the feeling rising in me. "Let me explain," he utters his voice sounding soft yet dry, he remains silent for a moment when I glare at him "I'll take responsibility," he utters holding me by my shoulders his voice coming out loud. "For letting him escape when he was about to speak," I question sternly, I'm so mad right that he was about to spill out the truth but the appearance of Feng Lei ruined it all. "No," removing his palms from my arm he stands straight nervousness written all over his face "For kissing you," he utters in a low voice but I heard him. I manage to keep my expression calm, his behaviour making him look cute all of a sudden and he has no idea what he is doing right now. Is this how he proposes someone? We stay there while I stand beside him rooted to my spot where as he looks every where not daring to face me making the whole situation awkward. My inner being smiles at the thought of how he just spoke but my outer expression remains blank. He told that he will take responsibility for kissing me which means he wants to marry me. I laugh mentally in the thought of it, I never even imagined that something like this would happen in my life and I'm clueless of how to react to it as no men has proposed me before, it was only ladies. Is this how it feels when someone says they like you or you're beautiful? But this doesn't feel right, all of this is something which will never happen it's just a dream which I'm building and I have no idea that whether I can stand against the one whom I'm looking for and I have no idea whether I can make it happen or whether I will make out alive. My life track has no space for my pleasure all I need to do now is to destroy everyone who are behind the death of my loved ones. This is supposed to be a joke "Brother Lei you...," "I'm serious," he faces me his eyes showing all his emotions which can be reflected as I feel the same too "I know it's difficult but I just...," I stare at him registering what he means my body forgetting to move, curling up his eyebrows he looks into my eyes " I just couldn't stop myself, I wish that you are always present in my life," he speaks his voice coming out in a way like he is finding difficult to speak his tone sounding crushed. "You can be as you are," he continues his voice breaking down "I'm willing to be with you even if the world forbids me from doing it," he holds my shoulder gently again. We will separate our way eventually as the final exam is coming up, we cannot be together, we are just not meant to be. My jaw drops mentally but physically I'm frozen, I have no idea what I should do and I just wish this is a joke or a dream. Now I wish that I was an ordinary girl who can have a normal perfect life. I get it now why Wales ways tell me that no matter what I do or say the fact that I'm a female cannot be changed. All this ten years till now I've been consoling myself that I won't regret replacing WanKe but I really did. Even though that I thought I can avenge for his death om another side I had no choice. Father wanted me to do this to get into the academy and I agreed in a term of being grateful for taking care of mom and me. "Feng Lei," I break the long term silence his weak eyes getting a little wider and the side of his lips moves up to a slight smile when he hears me. I wish that my life is not complicated so that I can love a man and marry him, taking a deep breath in I build up my courage deciding to speak my mind out as I don't want us to get hurt at the end of the day. "This won't happen," I reply softly my voice sounded disappointed when I saw his smile drop, his hold on shoulder loosens his eyes still searching for something in mine. Keeping a step behind to leave distance between us I look at him, my vision blurs when I feel something pricking into my eyes making ne realise that I'm about to cry. I try to hold back my tears not letting it fill my eyes which began to load out of nowhere. I've never felt this way before the feeling of heart broken, Sniffing my nose I look away not having the courage to face him again. The fact that I also like him is the one which is making it difficult but I don't know in which prospect. "I'm....," My voice cracks, my conscious making me feel guilty to see him looking at me with those eyes of disappointment "I'm sorry," I finally say it out, taking a deep breath in I let it out turning to the opposite direction rubbing my eyes which are pooled up without my consent I close them welcoming the darkness. Pursing my lips flat against each other I spread my lips to a smile facing him again "But I'll always be by your side as your buddy," punching on his arm I jump cheerfully trying to enlighten him. "I didn't think it would end like this," he utters lowly, turning to his right he faces me plastering a smile on his face but I can really read what's in his eyes "I'm sorry I should have thought what you think first," Did he just apologize me? "It would be great if you apologize for yelling at me last time," I scoff placing my arm over his shoulders I drag him to walk trying not make the things between us more awkward.