Chapter 5

"Are you crying?" I asked after coughing a few times. "Shut up," he replied and glared at me fiercely, but his movements were gentle as he lifted me up. I kept quiet and snuggled obediently in his arms. I spoke in my mind, "Nathan, hold on. I am almost there. Please wait for me a little longer." At night, Ryan and I lay side by side on the bed. I had a slight cold, and Ryan came in with a cup of ginger tea. "Auntie said it's good for you to drink this," he said. I didn't feel like drinking it. "Do you want me to feed you? With my mouth?" asked Ryan. I sat up and took the cup, and drank it all in one gulp. He went to take the cup from me, but suddenly leaned down and kissed me on the lips. "Good girl," he praised. I reflexively dodged away. "Try dodging me again," he said, being annoyed. "I have a cold, I might infect you," I explained. "Am I afraid of a little cold?" asked Ryan, When we slept, he held me tightly in his arms. "From now on, you're not allowed to leave my sight when we go out," said Ryan, holding me tightly in his arms as we slept. "And stay away from those women." "She didn't push me. I just couldn't stand firmly," I explained. "When you fell into the sea today, my mind went blank. I thought I might not see you again," he said in a low volume of voice. Actually, I can swim. I once had a vicious thought: if you jumped into the water, I might create an accident for you to 'drown'. It's such a shame. I wanted to make you fall into an endless abyss at the moment when you loved me the most.Three months later. Ryan proposed to me. But on the day of the proposal, a woman suddenly burst into the hotel and splashed red wine directly on my face. Ryan had her restrained. But I stopped him. "I'm sorry, that person is the sister of my ex-boyfriend. Her brother saved my life," I said. "I can't marry you, at least not now." I took off the ring and gave it back to Ryan. I left in front of everyone's shocked eyes. As soon as I got in the car, the woman who had slapped me hit me again and stepped on the gas pedal. She was indeed Nathan's sister, Jocelyn Miller, who was also a psychiatrist. When she learned of my plan, she was actually against it. I said, determined, "If Ryan doesn't go to jail, I'll go crazy." She finally agreed and collected information for me to analyze Ryan's psychological trajectory and body language. That's how I was able to navigate this emotional hunting game so easily."If my brother knew what you did for him, he would feel sorry for you. How can he bear to let you be with such a bastard..." Jocelyn put medicine on my face where I was slapped earlier and said. "If I didn't do these things, I wouldn't be able to make it through this in my lifetime," I said. The car stopped at a small seaside community. It was the house that Nathan and I originally bought as a wedding house. Ryan's self-esteem might have really been hit by me this time. He didn't contact me for three consecutive days. It made me feel a little uneasy. "From his previous behavior, he is completely clinging on this relationship now," Jocelyn told me not to worry. "And your existence has far surpassed everyone around him." At two o'clock in the third night, Ryan called me, and I answered on the fourth ring. "Come downstairs," his voice was so hoarse that he hardly sounded like himself.I have slept well the past few days, unlike Ryan. He leaned against the car, and as I walked towards him, I could see that he looked exhausted. "The guy the doctor talked about last time, he's your ex-boyfriend that saved you, right?" asked Ryan, hoarsely. I nodded. He fell silent. It was cold at night, and I hugged my arms, tightening my coat. "I'm sorry, I can't completely forget about him," I offered an apology. "What about me?" asked Ryan, looking pitiful. "Do you not want me anymore?" I felt a bit sentimental. Last year's Ryan was unruly and untamed, thinking he was invincible. Now, Ryan was just a pitiful creature, trapped in love. I touched his face and stepped back half a step. "Sorry, my feelings are not pure, it's my problem, not..." I said. He grabbed my arm and pulled me into his embrace. "I don't mind," said Ryan, with a slightly unstable breath. I showed a questioning expression. "Damn it, Charlotte! I said I don't mind!" shouted Ryan. "As long as you don't run away again..." His voice suddenly became bleak. "Please...don't leave me." I suddenly felt that the time had come.Ryan's mother came to me before the wedding was set. In a very cliché manner, she threw a card at me and said she would give me 30 million dollars I would leave Ryan. The Johnson Group didn't allow a woman with unknown origins like me to enter their family. Indeed, I am a woman of unknown origin. She could not find any information about me. I changed my name and I was all alone. What could she find out about me? "If Ryan were to leave me now, I would die," I said. Ryan's mother was furious. Her emerald green jade ring shone brightly on her finger as she pointed at me. "It's normal for a child who has not experienced much real love to fall in love quickly and get over it in a few days." she lowered her hand and said. "Anyway, he used to be like this. In the end, he would still listen to me obediently." "Oh, really? But I don't think Ryan will listen to you this time," I said, glancing at the time. Ryan rushed into the restaurant from outside. He walked towards me with a stern face and held my hand to leave. "Ryan!" said his mother, angrily, "if you dare to leave, you are not my son!" He looked back at his mother and finally walked away with me.Recently, Ryan had been sleeping worse and worse at night. He seemed very uneasy not because the wedding was approaching. "Charlotte, you're not going to run away again, are you?" Ryan asked repeatedly. "Where else can I run?" I said as I folded the gift box and put a handwritten letter in it. He leaned over to kiss me, but I pushed him away and instructed him to go and pack things into the gift box. His bank cards were also frozen because he lost his mother's support. I told him not to worry, I had my own savings. I just told him that I personally arranged everything for the wedding, so he didn't need to worry about it. Ryan became more and more clingy to me. Even at night when I got up to go to the bathroom, he could suddenly wake up and sit there waiting for me to come back. It's really funny.On the day of the wedding, Ryan's mother came after all. She seemed unable to resist him, after all, he was her only son. Many guests arrived at the hall. "Do you have so many relatives?" asked Ryan. I nodded. There was no one in the rest room, and he wanted to kiss me again. I sidestepped him, saying, "My makeup is ruined." "Hey, what's wrong with you lately?" he complained. "You don't let me kiss or hug you? Wanna keep the freshness?" "Honey..." he suddenly called out, and I was stunned for a moment. Someone knocked on the door outside, it was time for the auspicious moment. Ryan went out first. Jocelyn came out of the changing room, she patted the frame in her hand, covered with red cloth: "Ready." She followed me, pretending to be a bridesmaid. I took a deep breath, "Well, let's go in."As the host announced, 'Welcome to the wedding of Mr Nathan Miller and Miss Claire Garcia...,' I noticed Ryan's mother abruptly stand up from her seat. "Did you read it wrong?" Ryan asked the emcee, still confused. He couldn't even remember the name of the person he killed back then. "No, the posters outside all printed Mr. Nathan and Miss Claire Garcia's names," answered the host, also puzzled. "That's correct, please continue," I smiled and said. The host continued reading. Ryan saw the wedding photo of Nathan and me on the screen behind us. It was a photo we took before. Ryan's face suddenly turned pale. He finally recognized it. "Long time no see, Mr Johnson," I lifted my veil. "Thank you for coming to the wedding of Nathan and me." Jocelyn approached, holding a tray with Nathan's memorial photo and a ring box. My hand was shaking. I placed the blue sapphire ring on the photo. And I couldn't put on the ring Nathan bought for me because my hand was shaking. Ryan grabbed my wrist, his eyes red and his voice choked. "So, the ring wasn't bought for me? And today isn't the day you're marrying me?" he asked."Ryan," I sneered and said, "if killing was not a crime, I would have cut you to pieces countless times by now." "Charlotte...are you joking with me?" his voice was also trembling. "See those people?" I said, pointing to the guests below. "They are Nathan's mother, uncles, aunts. They are his relatives who came to attend our wedding." "And you and your mother are the ones who must kneel here, begging for their forgiveness." Ryan slumped as if his bones had been taken away, his shoulders drooping. "Charlotte...you still love me, don't you?" He begged, as he tried to grab my hand. At this moment, he looked like a child who had lost his beloved toy, begging pitifully. I took off my wedding dress. "Ryan, I have never loved you, not even once." I told him in a clear and precise tone, word by word. "I won't love you now, nor will I ever love you." "Letting you die would be too easy for you," I continued. "You have to live and suffer. The love you saw was just a false means I used to collect evidence of your crimes." "And the time I spent with you will be a disgrace and a stain on my life," I added. "It makes me sick to my stomach." At the moment when the light in his eyes went out, I laughed.When the police came in, Ryan's mother was still shouting at Ryan, "Ryan! Don't be afraid! They have no evidence! Don't be fooled by this woman! She definitely has no evidence!" But Ryan suddenly took the initiative to plead guilty. "Until when are you going to keep making mistakes?" he said to his mother, tone was calm. "Three years ago, I caused the car accident. I was drunk and killed someone," he confessed. "Later, I even let someone else take the blame and go to jail for me..." When he was taken away by the police, he passed by me. He suddenly rushed over like a crazy person and grabbed my hand. In the end, he was firmly restrained by the police. When I changed clothes, I found the pink diamond ring in my pocket.After everything was done, I went back home alone. It was me and Nathan's new home. The paintings on the wall, which had been specially commissioned for our wedding day and once held so much meaning, now lay forgotten and covered in thick layers of dust, a sad reminder of how time had passed. I closed all the doors and windows, lit a charcoal pot, and lay down on the bed. In a daze, I seemed to see Nathan again. He was holding me and shaking me in the room. "Claire! Wake up and be alert!" he said. "Don't blame on me, I missed you so much..." I cried on his chest. "I told you last time that if you dare to die, I'll marry someone else in my next life! I won't wait for you!" he said, anxiously and angrily kissing my forehead. I cried even louder."Claire, I have always been with you," said Nathan, holding me tightly and pointing to the window. "Although you can't see me, I have always been here. Think about your family, think about your friends. Death is not the end, living is the continuation of life." "Nathan, I have avenged you. I caught the criminal...but I feel so dirty...I was with that person..." I cried uncontrollably. "It's okay, it's okay," he comforted me as he wiped away my tears. "You have been so brave, Claire. How can you choose to commit suicide?" "I miss you too much," I cried. "I really don't know how to live without you..." "Claire, then put me in your heart," he sighed, "go finish the things that I have not yet finished and see the scenery I have not yet seen." "Travel through every corner of our country to smell the fragrance of flowers and listen to the low hum of living creatures for me," he said. "Promise me...to live a good life..." With a loud bang, the window, which was securely locked, was blown open by the wind. The charcoal basin had long since gone out. I sat up suddenly in bed, covered in sweat and tears. Outside the window, birds chirped. A little bird with a red beak hopped in. Boldly, it hopped onto the bed. It tilted its head to look at me, then jumped into my palm. I gently closed my hand, feeling its warm, fluffy feathers and the strong beating of its little heart. I opened my hand and it flew once around the room before landing on the balcony. I covered my face and cried. I promise you, Nathan. I will live a good life. I will love my life. See you in our next life.