Chapter 63: Getting it straight

The taxi driver stopped the car immediately after they reached their destination. Ronald paid and they alighted. "Jace's house? I thought you were going home," Ronald asked, looking at Dorah, confused. Although he suspected this, he had hoped his assumption was wrong. "I can't be at rest until I know he's fine," Dorah said, leading the way towards the gate. As they approached the entrance, the faint sound of someone crying reached their ears. Dorah's heart skipped a beat. That must be Jace, she thought, hurriedly inputting the gate's password. The moment they stepped into the house, they saw Jace sobbing uncontrollably, his shoulders shaking violently. Agnes was there, soothing him. "Let's go," Ronald whispered, his voice careful not to disturb the moment. He gently held Dorah's hand and guided her out of the house. "I just thought Jace wouldn't want us to see him like that," Ronald explained softly as they walked away, glancing at Dorah, who seemed lost in her thoughts. "I know," she replied, her voice barely audible. Back in the living room, Jace slowly became aware of Agnes' presence. He hadn't noticed her when he came in, too distracted by his thoughts. It was rare for Agnes to visit unless Joseph was home, but he didn't have the energy to question it. "You're back," Agnes said, her tone gentle. Jace nodded, his face set in an unreadable expression. Yet, she could see the cracks beneath the surface, his exhaustion, his hurt. "Is Granny home?" he asked, his voice flat as he steadied himself, trying to maintain his composure. "She went out to get groceries. She'll be back soon," Agnes replied, her eyes following him closely. "Okay," he muttered, trying to brush past her, but she stopped him with a question. "Are you okay?" Jace froze mid-step, her concern anchoring him to the spot. "I'm good," he said tersely, attempting to move away again, but her persistence broke through his defenses. "You don't look good to me. What's wrong? You know you can talk to me," she said softly. Jace turned to face her, his expression bleak. A smirk, laced with bitterness, crept onto his lips. "Even if I tell you, will you be able to relate? Will you help me find a solution?" he asked, his frustration spilling over. Agnes hesitated, at a loss for words. Joseph had asked her to check in on Jace until he returned, but she hadn't expected this level of turmoil. "What am I even saying? It's already over. It's over now. I shouldn't have tried it in the first place," he said, running a hand through his hair as tears welled up in his eyes. "It's not your fault," Agnes said firmly, but he shook his head, his expression filled with despair. "But they lost because of me," Jace said, his voice trembling. "If I hadn't participated in the competition with them, they would've gotten first place. Or maybe if I had never joined their band, things would've been easier for them. First, they had to drop out of a competition because of me, and now this. I shouldn't have joined them. I should've kept my illness to myself and not let it affect others' lives. I feel so guilty... I might lose it any minute now." Tears streamed down his face as he clutched his shirt tightly, his body wracked with sobs. "No, it's not your fault," Agnes said, moving closer. Her voice softened, filled with conviction. "I've never seen someone as brave as you. It takes immense courage to do what you've done. Stop blaming yourself for something beyond your control. Everything happens for a reason. Who knows? Maybe they'd have ended up in third place even without you." Jace slumped onto the couch beside her, his head bowed. "But I'm still the cause. The judges made it clear. I should've gone on stage regardless," he murmured. "Then I wouldn't be here right now. I'd be in the hospital," Agnes said, raising her eyebrows pointedly. "Why?" Jace asked, looking up at her, his curiosity momentarily distracting him from his guilt. "You would've fainted right there on stage and been rushed to the hospital for treatment. Your dad isn't around, so your granny and I would've been worrying about you there," she said with a straight face. Jace chuckled despite himself, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. "Seriously? Stop joking about that." "Do I look like I'm joking?" she countered. "I'm glad you made the decision to stay backstage. It was the right choice." Her words settled over him. Agnes let out a quiet sigh as she watched Jace struggle with his emotions. "You know, Jace, I understand why you're upset, but shutting yourself off won't help anyone. If you keep blaming yourself, you'll never move past this." Jace let out a bitter laugh, his tone laced with sarcasm. "Move past this? Do you think it's that easy? I ruined everything. You can't just sweep that under the rug with a few kind words." Agnes crossed her arms, her expression hardening slightly. "I'm not trying to sweep anything under the rug, Jace. I'm trying to get you to see that you're not the only one affected here. What about your friends? Do you think they want you to carry all this guilt alone?" Jace snapped his head toward her, his eyes blazing. "I think they want to. Max's reaction made that clear already. Why do you even care? You're not even part of this! You don't know what it feels like to let everyone down!" Her lips pressed into a thin line, but she didn't back down. "You shouldn't let Max or whatever you call his name words get to you. I get he's also hurt about it. And you're right, Jace. I'm not part of your band, and I wasn't in that competition. But I do know what it's like to feel like you've let everyone down. And I also know that wallowing in it will only make things worse." He flinched at her words but quickly masked it with another defiant glare. "Well, maybe I'm not as strong as you. Maybe I'm just... weak." Agnes took a deep breath, softening her tone despite her own frustration. "Jace, strength isn't about never failing. It's about picking yourself up after you do. You made a decision to stay backstage because of your health. That wasn't weakness, that was courage." Jace shook his head, his voice cracking as he spoke. "Courage? You call this courage? If I had just gone out there, maybe we would've won. Maybe..." "Or maybe you would've had an attack in front of everyone," Agnes interrupted, her voice sharp. "You think that would've been better? You think your friends would've been okay with that? They might be mad at you for the position you guys got, but do you think they'll be at ease if you had went on stage and anything happened to you? No, they won't." He fell silent, his fists clenched at his sides. "You're angry, Jace. I get it," Agnes continued, her tone firm but empathetic. "But don't let that anger blind you to the truth. You didn't lose because of one moment, or one decision. Sometimes, things just don't work out the way we want them to." Jace turned away, his shoulders trembling. "You don't get it. None of you do." "Then help me understand," Agnes said, stepping closer. "Tell me what's really eating at you, Jace. Is it really about the competition? Or is it about how you see yourself?" Before he could respond, the sound of the front door opening echoed through the house. "Agnes? I'm back!" Granny's voice rang out, cheerful and oblivious to the tension in the room. Agnes glanced toward the hallway, then back at Jace. "We're not done with this conversation, Jace. But for now, let's take a breather. Your granny's here." Jace didn't respond, his gaze fixed on the floor as his grandmother's footsteps grew closer. Granny stepped in, her arms laden with grocery bags. She paused when she saw Jace and Agnes together. "Jace," she said, her tone warm but tinged with concern. "You're home." "Yeah," he said, rising to help her with the bags. As they moved to the kitchen, Agnes followed quietly, sensing that Jace might not want to be left alone just yet. Granny, perceptive as ever, watched him closely but decided not to press him further. "You kids go sit. I'll handle this," she said, shooing them out of the kitchen. Jace hesitated but eventually returned to the living room with Agnes. He sat silently, staring at the floor, while Agnes observed him carefully. "You know," she began, breaking the silence, "sometimes it's okay to lean on the people who care about you. You don't have to carry everything alone." Jace didn't respond immediately, but her words seemed to resonate. He nodded slightly, his shoulders no longer as tense as before. Agnes smiled faintly, deciding to let the conversation rest. For now, it was enough that he wasn't shutting her out completely.