CHAPTER 42 WEDDING FEVER

"Nah! I don't like this one either." I say, and if I can vividly recall, this is the fifteenth gown I am rejecting. I feel nothing bad about it, though. I am just after what my heart wants. I want something unique. Something that will make me look spectacular on my big day. "You don't?" I shake my head at Rita's question. "Come on, Tania! This is the third gown shop we are in and you haven't liked any of the gowns you have fitted? Are you looking for a heaven-made gown or what? Let me ask, what's the picture of a mermaid gown that you are looking for?" Her reaction shows she is getting pissed off. I understand her, but what can I do? I just don't like all of these. This is my wedding we are talking about here, a special day that comes once in a lifetime. I want to look my best. I want to look spectacular to Andy. I want him to see the best version of me that he has never seen before. I want him to look at me that day as I walk down the aisle and fall in love with me a million times more. I want his eyes to be always glued on me that whole day. I want to see a different spark in his eyes that day. I want to be the most beautiful bride that the world has ever seen. And how can I do that if I don't get a gown that my heart wants? Something I am comfortable with? "What am I supposed to do, Rita? Pick just any rag in the tag of a wedding dress to impress you or the seller? No freaking way I am doing that! If you are tired just leave. Go home. I will do this on my own." I snap, and I swear it wasn't intentional. This has been me for the last couple of days. I don't know. As the big day gets closer, I am becoming more paranoid about the smallest things, and I find myself snapping and yelling at someone without knowing. We are just a week away, and even though a lot has been done, I can't explain why I feel so much anxiety. The wedding planners have a very compromising picture of me from my usual self because I am always on their necks. I am probably the most arduous bride they have ever dealt with. The shop attendants who have come across me today think I am a very nagging, picky, snobby, bitchy, name them all. I just can't control myself. "I am sorry, bestie. I didn't mean to snap." I apologize to Rita, and I feel awful right now. "What's happening to you, Tania? This is not how I know you." She implores, worried and concerned as a true best friend. "I don't know, Rita. I just feel like I am under so much pressure right now." I say shame written all over me because I shouldn't act like a snobby bitch on someone who has helped me get where I am right now. I don't know what was going on in her little crazy head when she decided to bring me and Andy together, but I will always be grateful to her for that. Her craziness has brought about the birth of the purest and sweetest love there ever will be - the love between Andy and me. The love between a caged heart and, what can I describe the condition of my heart before I met Andy? Clueless? Emotionless? I don't know. I had never been in love, except for that one-time fling I had with Damian. But when I met Andy, nobody needed to explain the true meaning of love. The spark was enough. "Aah, miss?" She calls the shop attendant who catwalks to us right away. My! "It seems like the bride is suffering from a wedding fever right now. We will just grab a bite outside then we will come back." The attendant smiles, and we stride out as I cast a deadly glare at my friend. Wedding what? I'm glad Andy didn't come with us. He so wanted to, but I was so against it. I am a village girl with so many beliefs, and one of those beliefs is that it's a bad omen for a bridegroom to see the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding day. That, coupled with the fear of what the bad omen might bring, made me convince him otherwise. He concurred after a long argument, but that was only after I agreed to the vice-versa too - he won't see me in my wedding dress, and I won't see him in his wedding suit or attire or whatever he will choose for him and Angel. So now they are out there somewhere, choosing their wedding attires with Angel, and Ambrose and his daughter, Allysa. "So, talk to me, bestie. What's happening to you?" Rita asks after we settle down in a coffee shop nearby and ordered a cappuccino and some marble cake. "I really don't know, Rita. I feel weird. Something like fear or something. I feel so much pressure around me, and at the same time, I want everything to turn out just perfect. I want to look special for Andy that day." "Everything is under control. The wedding organizers are doing their final touches, so, basically, you have nothing to worry about that. And this fear you are feeling, it's called wedding fever. The excitement and anxiety for the big day are what is eating you, my dear." "I guess so." I say, sipping on my cappuccino. "And about you looking special for Andy, you already passed that test when you melted the walls of his heart. When you made him fall for you, Tania, that is when you became special. He loves you, dearly, and that alone should tell you how special you are to him." She is right. I don't have to beat myself over some things. Andy loves me, I am so sure of it, and that's the most important thing. I know I will look beautiful to him no matter the kind of dress I choose for my wedding. So I should try to relax. "Thank you, bestie. And sorry, for talking like a brat to you back there." I say. "It's okay, bestie. I knew that wasn't you." She says, smiling like always. I take another sip of my cappuccino, loving how well it drowns down my fear, but something else has been baffling me, and I think it's high time I let it off my shoulder. You know, just to let it out. "Aah, Rita?" I call, ice filling my stomach for what I am about to ask. "Yes?" "Doesn't..anybody know the whereabouts of Andy's first wife? She has never tried getting in touch with anybody. Isn't there a possibility of her returning? I mean, even if she fell out of love with Andy, Angel is still in the picture. She might want to reunite with her daughter." She holds my hands. "Listen to me, Tania. That loser has no right whatsoever to Andy or Angel. That is what you should know, and no, she has never tried to get in touch with anyone." "Isn't that weird though?" I ask. "There is nothing weird about that, Tania. She would be a shameless sick bitch if she dared come back to their lives." "Alright." I don't know why I have been thinking about that woman these past few days, but I think I am worrying myself for nothing. She didn't come back for three years, she has no reason to come back now, right? "You should be happy and excited about your wedding, Tania, not worrying about things like these. And if it makes you feel better, I will break her legs before she can get to you and Andy." "And I will defend our love with everything I have got. I will not let anyone take Andy away from me." I say, and I mean exactly that. "That, is the spirit, bestie. Now let's hurry because we have to go back there and select a gown for you. Or do you want to go somewhere else?" "No. I love their designs and I believe if I kick aside the anxiety and paranoia, I will find something that my heart will settle for." "Great. Let's hurry because I am missing my hubby too." I roll my eyes to cut her off before she starts elucidating the details of their last make-out session. That's how open she is, and because I don't want to be in a romantic mood right now, I call the shop attendant for the bill and ask her to pack our coffee for takeaway. We agreed with Andy not to have sex until our wedding day. It's been two weeks now and I am craving him. I am both hungry and thirsty for sex. Listening to someone who will not spare even the deepest details of how they had hot dark sex last night is a very bad idea for my needy self. I might jump on my Andy and spread my legs on his face when I get home and forget all about the damn agreement. Darn!