Chapter 11:Controlling Emotions.

ALEX'S POV. I returned home immediately as I read Daisy's message informing me that she is going out for shopping with her friends. She just left Sasha alone. I opened the door, calling for her aloud, but she was nowhere to be seen.. I searched for her the kitchen, balcony and even her room but she was nowhere to be seen. Panic rose in my blood as I opened the door of Daisy's room to find it empty. Running a hand in my hair, I stomped my feet. I called her but her phone was left on the sofa. I was about to rush out of the house and search for her, when I saw the door for my room slightly opened. I have a habit of keeping my room closed. With a hope to find her in, I pushed the door ajar. There in front of me was a figure, lying on my bed. I went near her as she was snoring lightly. Strands of her hair fell on her face, she had a little smile plastered on her lips. She looked tranquil. Sun rays kissed her face, making her white skin glow. She had my black jacket in her hand, which she was holding close to her heart. A smile plastered my lips and I couldn't help but lean forward and kiss her forehead. I covered her body with a duvet, before closing the curtains. I slumped on the couch, with my hands under my neck devouring the sight in front of me. Just then I heard my room door close. The windows were shut and it wasn't possible for it to close because of the wind. My heart said that it was Daisy. ----- I woke up to a loud bang. I don't remember when I fell asleep. In front of me was a puzzled Sasha, still hugging my jacket with a wooden frame lying near her feet. "Hey, are you fine?" I jumped off and went near her. She gave me a nod as her cheeks turned crimson. "I..I am sorry..I" she stuttered, "I don't know when I slept. I" I smirked at her and shook my head. I bend down to pick up the frame. It was a picture of an elderly couple, I knew who they were. I raised a brow at her. "My parents." She murmured looking down, "I was missing them and I couldn't sleep in my room. I came in the kitchen to grab a glass of water and I missed this room too. I know I shouldn't just invade in anyone's room but" she shrugged her shoulders handing me the jacket. I hold her hands and stated, "It's okay Sasha, You can come in my room whenever you want. This is not only my home, it's our home. We made this place home with our unforgettable memories." She smiled, took the frame from my hand and left me all alone in the room. I slumped on the bed, inhaling her fragrance that was emitting from the duvet. ------- SASHA'S POV I felt my mind tranquil as the sky split into two by a wave of thunder. I am obsessed with thunder, and the lightning sky. I love rains and fires. I love forest and caves. I love darkness and loneliness. The clock ticked 3a.m as I sat in the balcony staring at the darkness around me, filled with the thunder as the drops of water poured down from the heavy clouds. I felt a strong urge to write something. With my diary on my lap and a black pen in my hand I let the words flow, 'Thundering sound of lightning didn't scared me, but loosing you left me scarred. The rain didn't drenched me, but the tears given by you soaked me. The dark night couldn't make me feel lonely, but your absence pushed me in seclusion. I was like this barren land, and you were like these clouds, Bursting apart, pouring on my parched heart, filling it with your love, And when you were gone, The traces of your love quenched my thirst, keeping me alive.' A lone tear slipped down my eyes, staining on the page. Closing the diary, I slumped on the chair. Shutting my eyes and feeling the sound of rain invade my mind, I tried to clear it from his thoughts. "I was wrong Alex, I still love you. I thought I have overcome my feelings and it's just the after effect on my heart, but I was wrong. I still love you. You are within me like blood, invading each part of my body and without you I am just an empty vessel." I whispered to myself as tears streamed down my cheeks. "I love you too." I heard a whisper and my eyes shot open. I spun around to find his eyes boring holes at me. I blinked my eyes as I couldn't believe my ears. Did he just said that he loves me or was I hallucinating. "What you said? I questioned with a hope lingering in my voice. "I-caught you."He looked at the sky and said, "What a wonderful night!" I felt a dull ache invading in my chest I saw him grabbing my diary and opening it. But before he could do so I snatched it and hid it behind my back. I will not boost his ego again by letting him read my broken soul. I need to make him realize that he is nothing for me now, that I have moved on and he have no effect on me. That will only crush his ego, his big fat ego! "I want to read what you just wrote." He demanded folding his hands on his chest. Ignoring his alluring body that was hidden under a gray sweatpants and Nike vest, I rolled my eyes at him and mocked, "As if I care about your wants." "Of course you do Sasha." he stated making my heart jump, "You care about my wants before and today also. You understand what I am willing to have but now something is holding you back. Do you still love me?" I stared at him baffled, I felt a stinging pain rise in my heart. He knew that I loved him. He knew that I was the one who proposed him that night, still he let her fiancé believe that it was for her. He read my diary, he knew how obsessed I was for him but he ignored everything. I know he heard what I said, but that doesn't affect him at all. And it hurts, it hurts like hell My grief is not a concern for him. When I saw his efforts to help me, I couldn't help but hope for his love, but I was dumb! he was mending me so that he can break me again. He forced me to live with him so that he could hurt me, but I am not a fragile piece of glass, that will crush under him and give him the pleasure to see me cry for him. I was dumb to expect my heartless heartbreaker to mend the broken pieces of my heart! But not anymore. I won't give you a chance to laugh over my cries Alex. You started this game but I promise that I will be the one to end it.. I felt tears stinging my eyes but I held it back, "NO. I was silly before, but now I have moved on." I said being as genuine as I can, "Now when I think about ,my past feelings, I feel like laughing. How can I fall for a person like you. We were never made for each other. I realized it late but I am happy I did." I felt the shine in his eyes loosing as the streaks of gold hit his orbs, under the thunder, like a spark of fire blazing in them, He gave me a curt nod. "You don't have to worry Alex, I feel nothing for you now. you have no effect on me." Though I felt my words pricking my own heart, I continued to break his ego. The anger in his eyes was a sign that I was succeeding. "Really?" he raised his eye brow, stepping close to me. Involuntarily i walked backwards, until my back touched the railing. My diary fell on my feet as I held it with my hands to stop myself from collapsing. He stepped closer, placing his hands on mine. My heart throbbed against the cage of my ribs, whimpering to jump out of my body. I could feel the drops of rain hit me, intensifying the shivers running through my body. The sky roared splitting in two as the lightning reflected in his eyes. His mouth twisted into a smirk as he closed the gap between us, bringing his mouth closer to my ears. Each hair of my body spiked up as the blood rushed through my veins faster. His raspy breath fanned my neck as I shivered involuntarily. "Tell me Sasha that you don't feel anything, tell me that I have no effect on you." I wanted to retort back at him but my voice was pushed deeper inside my throat by a huge lump. My throat was parched and my lungs just forgot to breath. I held the railing tighter, stabilizing myself but as his hands squeezed mines, I almost melted. I squirmed like a deer but he was like a wolf hovering its prey. I closed my eyes as his soft lips traced the skin on my neck. I felt my body craving for his touch as I was about to lose myself but I controlled my emotions, jerking him with all my might, I shoved him, "Keep your hands away from me. I agreed to stay with you doesn't mean I will bear everything you do. Stay away from me." "Why! You don't feel anything right? Then why don't you want me come near you! Accept it that you still can't control your feelings when you glance at me." Though what he said was true, I didn't want him to know. I let out a sarcastic laugh and cursed, "F**k you! You are no more that alluring guy I knew. Look at yourself now, did you saw your fat body and your messed up hair? You look like a wolf." Honestly, each word I said was a lie, but I had to, just to hurt him. I stormed into my room banging the door at his face. I knew his weakness and today I used it to tame him. I remember how girls used to die for him. Seeing each and every girl falling for him was his greatest pride. I can recall his words he told me when we weren't too close to each other, when I used to ignore him and paid no heed. At that time he said, "There is no girl in this world who don't wish to be with me except you. And I cannot bear an ego higher than me. Gear up your laces girl, because one day you will come begging for my love, and I will ignore like you are ignoring me now." At that time I didn't pay any heed just to be in that position today. Was he with me, just to make me fall in love with him so that he can mend the damage I did on his ego previously? Jerk! But not anymore. I won't give him privilege to boost his ego. I will make you realize that your existence matters nothing to me. That I have walked over you and I feel nothing for you. Nothing! Thought the journey will be difficult for me but I promise myself that I won't collapse. ------ Dressing myself, I stepped out of the room to have breakfast. But what I saw made my jaw fell on the ground and my eyes jump out of their socket. There in the balcony, was a figure on the floor. I stepped near to find Alex, doing push-ups, wearing black sweatpants. His half bare body, sweating under the sun. His skin glowed under the sunlight and I felt an urge to touch it. I felt heat creeping at the nape of my neck as I felt ruffles in my belly. He peeked at me while doing his workout, the ruffles in my belly increased he winked at me and gave me one of his devilish smirk. I was astonished to find his face neatly shaved and his chocolaty hair trimmed stylishly. I could see the old charisma in his eyes. I don't know for how long I was checking him out but as realization hit me, I closed my mouth and faked a sarcastic smile at him before turning my back and walking pass the frozen Daisy. "Sasha." she called baffled, "Am I dreaming? or is it really Alex working out?" I pinched her and she yelled, "Owww." "Welcome to the world sweetheart. Go live your dreams alive." I said before escaping from there before my body ditch me and I fall in his arms.