Chapter 75

Ruby didn't want her to learn how to preserve her pride, but she learned it well—better than Ruby. If Van didn't like her pride, then he would never like her, not ever. "What you give to Wyatt and other men, how could I like it?" Van curled his lips, indifferent. "Stop crying." "I... in front of them..." Winnie couldn't control herself, sobbing with a little sneeze from her nose. A sniffle and a small shiver of her body, like a little dog shaking its head. "I... in front of them," she finished, choking on her words, "I'm not proud at all." Van's sleeve was soaked with her tears, but he didn't blame her. He listened to her unconvincing defense, casually asking, "Is that so?" "I've taken Wyatt's offers, thrown away his rings, worn his haute couture, and even seduced Edison..." Winnie searched her mind. Van: "..." "I left lipstick marks on his shirt and told him to call me." Van: "..." Winnie swallowed hard, her mind racing. "Everyone knows I'm very well-behaved. I've never been ungrateful to anyone, but... but... I've never been a slut either..." She babbled, her words coming out in a confusing mess. Van couldn't take it any longer, his mind stuck on just one word: Edison. After a long pause, he finally asked, his face emotionless, "Say it again, you seduced Edison?" "Yeah," Winnie's voice was thick with nasal tones, and she nodded slightly. "Why?" "Because he's rich and handsome." Edison was rich and handsome, something Van couldn't argue with, but it didn't stop a heavy, unfamiliar feeling of bitterness from rising in his chest, nearly choking him. After a long pause, he slowly loosened his tie, his voice deepening as he asked, in an extremely calm tone, "What you mean is, if he hadn't rejected you, you would've gone for it?" "No," Winnie's eyes were still fixed on his sleeve as she shook her head forcefully. "He's too experienced, I was afraid of getting a disease..." Out of everything she had said, this was the only part that made any sense. But Van wasn't satisfied with her answer, narrowing his eyes. "So, if it were someone with less experience but a good reputation, you'd have gone for it?" Winnie froze for a moment, thinking hard. Just as Van's mood was about to turn icy, she quickly denied it. "No, Wyatt has a good reputation too. Of course, I was proud in front of him, but that kind of pride... it's different from how I feel when I'm with you." Van's Adam's apple moved, and he asked in a breathy voice, "How is it different?" Winnie, her face still wet with tears, looked at him eagerly. "What did you mean by what you said today?" "What I said?" Van asked in return. "I asked... if you helped me, wouldn't you want me to spread my legs?" "If you want to, I wouldn't refuse." "I asked... do you really not have any desire to see me spread my legs?" "I do." Winnie suddenly went silent, feeling like the entire world had quieted down, the thick snow absorbing all sound. "You hate most that I know how to act appropriately. Today, you helped me and gave me haute couture, but what if, next year, you want me? How can I convince you that I want you too—not out of gratitude or a sense of obligation, but because it's real?" Tears still clung to Winnie's cheeks. "What if next year, you want me?" "What if next year, you come to love me? For that 'what if,' I can't bear to owe you anything," Winnie thought to herself, her eyes clouded with the haze of intoxication, yet somehow remarkably clear. "Is the pride you hate in me, this kind of pride?" she added.