Chapter 5

20 My condition was not stable. So while I explicitly refused him, it was actually him who was taking care of me. I've become cloudy because of this disease. The high and mighty alphaking looked like a dick with no dignity in front of me. Sometimes, my memories went back to our sweetest days. I would be especially fond of him, always clinging to him, like a child, and must smell his unique smell to fall asleep every day, as if it was my sleeping pill. He's done so, so much to prepare for me. He redecorated his home inside and out. The house was full of my favorite precious herbs saying that I should be as tenacious as the herbs were He was afraid I'd bump into something, and the sharp objects were either withdrawn or wrapped in bumper corners. He put the medicine out of my reach, and he personally fed me every time. "Be good, open your mouth and take the medicine." "No, I want you to hug me ~" "Eat obediently, and I'll hug you, okay?" I obeyed and ate, and he held me for a long time. It's like he was reuniting with me after a long separation. One day he took me out in the wild and told me to summon the wolf body out for activities I found that I was too weak to transform at all He said it's okay, I had just been out of it too long and it's degraded a bit. But I know in my heart that my days were really running out. Since then, I've become even more dependent on him, even going to the bathroom with him guarding the door. He muttered softly, "Heaven, if only your memory had stayed with this time." "Honey, what are you talking about?" I squeezed his face and asked with a grin. He quickly hid his sadness and smiled. "It's nothing, babe. I just love you very much." But the next second I was changed. I hated him and didn't want to see him at all. I jerked Jamal away. "Wandering wolf, go away!" I flapped my pillow like a crazy thing and threw it at him. Curled up and shivering. It was so cold, as cold as the night in the rain in the pit. Jamal came over and hugged me. "Heaven, don't be afraid, there are no stray wolves here, just me by your side. I'm here." As if I finally found something, I threw a pillow at him, wanting to kill him. "You are the one who hurt me, you are the one who put me into the pit and got caught in the rain! You're the one who let the stray wolf bite me! " "Get lost!" Get out of here!" Jamal was sweating anxiously on the side, helpless, self-blame and guilt but powerless. And these two extremes of my different attitudes were what he faced every day. Maybe I loved him one second, maybe I hated him the next. I couldn't stay away from him when I loved him, but wanted to put him to death when I hated him. He lived a life of ice and fire every day. He looked everywhere for a wolf doctor who could send someone to the deep forest to stabilize my condition, to find a way to prevent me from getting worse. It's just that my memory was still getting worse. To help me remember, he taught me to write a diary. 21 December 28, 2023 Jamal kept his valuables in the same place and had a whiteboard hanging in the house to record my daily schedule, which he said made me less likely to forget. It's just that my transformation failed again today. I felt that my limbs didn't listen to me anymore. Am I getting old? 29th J brought me a bracelet, so he said I wouldn't get lost. 30th I was afraid of the person in the mirror. She was so thin and haggard. I thought she was ugly. Jamal angrily smashed all the mirrors in the house palm by palm. 31st He said his name was J, and he said I needed to remember that I loved him, but I really couldn't. It's strange. I didn't know him. The day of going abroad has arrived, but I have long forgotten it because of my illness. At a foreign airport, Edison, who never received me, hurried back to hometown. 22 The first and only thing Edison did when he returned home was to take me. It's just that Jamal wouldn't. There was no way he could stand by and watch the love of his life, whom he had hurt and missed for so long, run off with someone else. "The person she loves is me. Why do you take her away?" "Why? She can't even remember you." Edison, who has always been gentle and kind, lost his temper. "Don't think I don't know what happened to you all this time." Edison suddenly said in a mocking tone, "You don't know that, do you? There's nothing between us. She left with me that day just to beg me to arrange surgery for her grandmother." "Who are you to say you love her? She was fretting about her grandmother before the engagement, and you were so busy you didn't even know about it. You don't care about her, much less about her family. " "Later, she felt that she owed you and came all the way from abroad to take care of you. But what about you, Jamal, are you smiling happily around other women?" "You lied to her. You didn't trust her. Think of a way to torture her!" Edison pointed at Jamal's nose and scolded. "Who do you think you are to keep her?" "Besides, the day she called me, she clearly told me that she had completely given up on you. Thanks to you, Heaven doesn't love you anymore. Wake up, she doesn't want to be with you. " Jamal was surprised that he had missed so much. He didn't know that he had been suspicious of Heaven for so long. He even made out with others in front of her because he misunderstood her and Edison. Jamal can't speak at all. He realized that he had done so much to torture her only for his unwarranted suspicion and hatred of abandonment. Now, the person he loved most was in front of him, but she can't remember his appearance or even his name. She had been tortured into what she was now. I woke up for a moment. Just when the two of them asked me who I was going with. "Jamal, we'll really see you again this time." I chose Edison and will never look back. Jamal watched as I took a step toward Edison. His eyes were red and he jerked up at the ceiling. I didn't know what there was to see in the ceiling. I just heard a very, very small sound. "Why don't you choose me… Heaven, you're my Heaven" 23 Then my memory got worse and worse. When I heard about Jamal again, someone said that he had depression. He committed suicide in a pit in town. I seemed to have remembered something, but I didn't. That's a good thing. I didn't want to remember unhappy things. Although I didn't know who Edison was, I knew that he was really nice to me. I was happy. In the spring of 2024, there was no more man named Jamal in Heaven's memory. (End of full text)