Chapter 22

The red rose whispers of passion And the white rose breathes of love; O, the red rose is a falcon, And the white rose is a dove.- John Boyle O'Reilly. "You know, you never quite told me why you finally decided to leave home." "I am a grown woman now. Isn't that the most logical thing to do at this point in my life? " Ryan gave her a look and she turned away with a heavy sigh. "It's a long story okay and I have not yet forgotten that you refused to tell me what that call was about. " she added as he in turn released a heavy sigh. Until now he had focused so much on winning Katrina's that he had overlooked the other things that had been happening in her life. He was happy that she was doing well. That her business had picked and was now flourishing, but aside from that, the mystery that had shrouded her life was now gnawing at him even as he slowly realized that just like him, Katrina Maracheli, the princess of Maracheli Industries was also from a broken family. Was there any family that was not broken? At this point, he could no longer say? By death or by divorce, by absenteeism in parenthood, or by domestic violence all he could see were families that were broken and it made him wonder if there was a chance in this whole world that a family could be whole. He had always known that Katrina's mother had died when she was young and that she had had no maternal relatives to speak of, which he had now found was only true in part as some facts had remained hidden not just to him, but to Katrina as well. It must have been hard for her to process that and despite how hard she tried to hide it, he knew that it was bothering her and it worried him how it affected her knowing how he had handled his situation. The secrets that her father had kept from her were hurting her and even as she mourned the relationships that she could not have due to her father's pride, Katrina's anger was simmering as evidenced by her outburst in that present situation. Could that be it? The reason why these two could not see eye to eye or was there something more? What he was sure of though was that unlike him and his father, this father and daughter duo cared deeply for each other, but all the secrets and the pain carried over the years had allowed pride to drive a wedge between a relationship that was once blooming. "I cannot tell you what the call was about." he finally decided to tell her. "but all I can say is that I was ordered... no, commanded not say anything, but I guess, there is always another way to find things out." "Like what?" "For one, you can try to call him and ask him yourself. " 'Like that is going to happen." She grumbled as she turned away from him and began to walk out of the room. He watched as her back disappeared around the bend that led to the living, but he could still hear her feet as they climbed the stairs, one heavy step after another as she pushed her heavily pregnant body up the inclination that led up to the first floor and their suite of rooms. Ryan released another heavy sigh and stood up to walk out into the kitchen. It was no use going after her. Walking away was her new way of saying that she did not want to discuss matters further and he had already promised himself to respect her decisions, but what would finally happen when the man decided to show up? He wondered. He had tried to call her severally. That was what his father-in-law had admitted to him. At the moment, he had sounded frantic enough that he seemed concerned about her welfare, but from his own experience, Ryan knew better. He had already seen something similar with his own family and now, he only hoped that no other ulterior motives were fuelling that concern apart from his own daughter's welfare. Ryan arrived at the kitchen and pulled the fridge open. Lately, Katrina had been craving chicken. Crispy chicken with sour rice and some sweetened milk. He would prepare that for her and maybe some beef stew and basted potatoes for himself. So, he started on the chicken and shredded it, allowing it to simmer on a pan as he started on the rice. Next, he warmed the milk and applied the sweetener. Honey was her preferred choice and as he finished up with the drink, the chicken was ready to be fried with minimal spices sprinkled upon it. Like the doctor had told them, he cooked her food to provide her with maximum nutrients while utilizing fewer spices and fats to reduce the incidence of heartburn that was more prevalent at that stage of her pregnancy. When her meal was finally ready, Ryan placed all the pieces on a tray and left the kitchen to deliver it. He knocked on her door and from within Katrina looked up from the phone she was holding and frowned. He had not been lying to her, she noted when he had told her that her father had tried calling her severally. She had checked and seen it, but shy of that, the man would still not tell her what their conversation had been all about? Wasn't she his daughter? Didn't she deserve to know what it was they were talking about? She could not decide who it was she should be mad at. Her father or her estranged husband? The door was knocked again and Katrina woke up from the daze that she had just lost herself in. "Come in. "she whispered but he seemed to have heard her anyway, for he came in bearing a tray that was covered which he placed on the bedside table standing beside her and moved set it out for her. "What is that? "her heart clenched as her gaze fell to the covered food on the table and back at the man who was setting out the cutlery on a side plate next to the tray. "Your new favourite." he smiled. "Chicken with sour rice? " "and sweetened milk. " he finished even as tears began to form at the corners of her eyes. "Ryan... "her voice cracked as she suddenly began to feel emotional. "Hey,hey...Don't cry." he said as he moved to sit on the covers beside her. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. " he said as he gathered her in his arms. "But I want to." she wept into his shirt, staining it with an endless flow of tears. "I don't know why I am being so problematic and so damned emotional! " "There is nothing wrong with being...what was that word? Oh! Expressive, right?" he smiled and she could tell that he was now laughing at her. Somehow, she found no fault in that. Instead, she blamed her crazed pregnancy hormones and even found herself laughing at his tasteless choice of words. "Expressive?" she finally pulled away as she regarded him. "What is that even supposed to mean? " "Being capable of expressing poignant thought and emotion?" "I know what that means dummy, but in relation to my tears?" "I could say that it is quite spot on seeing how in less than five seconds, you have come from crying into my shirt to laughing and now, look at how you are glaring at me, looking all so ferocious even as you continue trample on what was remaining of my manly pride." "Manly pride?" she sputtered. "How on earth did I manage to trample on that? " she laughed. The man cocked an eyebrow at her and she relented. "Fine! But really, who spews out nonsense like that? A dictionary delineation of a word coming out of the blue? " "I gather that you are now feeling better? " he smiled and she nodded. The man was clever, she had to admit. He had effortlessly managed to clear her tears and even distract her from the path of her once destructive thoughts."Well..." he continued to tell her. "You should eat something or else our little angel will grow quite impatient. " As if to answer that Katrina winced as a particularly sharp kick met with her ribs from within the confines of her belly. "Ryan!" She growled as she grasped at her pregnant belly. "Hey there little one." he laughed as he bent over her gigantic belly. "Be gentle on your lovely mother or she will have my head." he winked even as he rubbed her belly quite dotingly leaving Katrina with a gaping expression for all his insolence. "Hey! Hey! Get out of there. You cannot feed my daughter such lies about me!" she protested. "What lies? That you are quite lovely? " she responded by glaring daggers at him. "oh or the part where I said that you will have my head?" he grinned as she deadpanned at that. "Arrgh! Exasperating man!" she turned the other way to pout, being at loss for words on what more to say. The truth though was that her heart was singing. She had never thought that a day would come when her husband would fawn over her as he teased her and doted on their unborn baby. The emotions were strong and as fresh tears came to her eyes, Ryan gathered her up in his arms once more, cooing to her as he apologized for the things that made her happy. Her tears abounded. Katrina could not help but cry for the blessings that were now abundant in what was once a bleak existence. For the brighter seeming future and for the new leash in life that had found her in a dark place, lighting up her world in a way that she had once never thought possible, and who was she to thank for this newfound joy? She smiled as the answer came to her mind. For there was no living being of flesh and blood capable of the turn of events that had been witnessed in her once hopeless life. "I love you." Before she could temper her thoughts, the words flowed out. A horrified Katrina slapped a hand to her mouth and buried her face into his chest, concealing it with the tear-sodden material that was his white shirt. "What?" The surprised Ryan stiffened. "What did you say?" he smiled as he attempted to look down at her face, but it remained hidden by his chest and the light thread that had woven his shirt. "It's...it's nothing." she stumbled from within the confines of his shirt, burying her face even deeper as she worried that he would ask her for more. Still, the man smiled. If her timid behavior was anything to go by, then, she must have said those words, those three words that he had thought he had imagined hearing her say them. "It's fine. I am willing to wait until you are ready to say them. " he answered even as his arms grew tighter around her, circling her in a possessive hug that brought warmth to her cheeks. "You have my heart Katrina." he told her. "My devotion is sorely to you, my love. " He added as he capped both cheeks with his hands and lifted her head to glance into her forest green tear-filled eyes. He wanted her to see it. Katrina could tell. He wanted her to see the sincerity that he held there. The conviction of his words and even more, the willingness that he felt to go far and beyond to fight for her love. But Katrina was scared. Scared of those three words and what it meant to speak them. She was scared of the vulnerability that it brought to her, just to think of how her heart swelled whenever she gazed at him. "I...am...I'm scared." she finally admitted. "I'm scared Ryan. I do not want to get hurt again. To pour out my heart and to have my emotions trampled." she found herself saying even as the tears in her eyes continued their downward flow down her now pinkened cheeks and to the top hemline of her dress. "I do not know of if I can take it." she continued to tell him. "I do not know if I have it within myself to go through all that hell again. I can't. I just can't!" "I know. I understand, but don't sell yourself short my love. You are a strong woman. Stronger than you even know and than you credit yourself for. Don't look down upon on your own strength, for I admire it. I promise you, I will never take you for granted again. " "But... " "Ssh... Whenever you are ready. " He smiled. "Don't push yourself on my account. I am willing to wait however long it takes. Just take your time and whenever you are ready I will be waiting for you." Katrina sniffled. Those were the most touching words he had ever spoken and as she thought on those words, she started to realize that he was right. How wrong had she been, to think that she was not strong? No, she was much stronger to have been able to go through all that and still come out alive. To be able to be still standing even now, required strength and so, to lose her confidence and to only think of her weaknesses was a great insult to her God and his Spirit that was dwelling within her. It was an insult to her faith. To the faith that she was now clinging on; for as a man thinketh so is he. In this case, her - a woman. Hadn't the scriptures taught her that much? To not lose her confidence for it bore a great reward? Where was the boldness with which she had conquered the world of business? Where was that confidence? "You are right! " she finally admitted to him. "I am stronger than I feel and I should stop cowering. I should say what I mean and mean what I say." she added as she pulled away from his arms to wipe away all the remaining traces of the tears that she had just shed. Not just now, but all those tears from way back then. From the moment that she had learned that she was engaged. "You are right. " she emphasized once again. "That said, I will not allow you to continue feeding me the same crap you did back then and mark my words, for I will not say them to you again. This is the final chance that I am giving you." The man nodded as he rose from the place she had taken beside her on the bed. "I understand." he nodded yet again. "You should eat your food now, before it gets cold. I on the other hand will go back to the kitchen and check on my dinner that I left on. I will drop by later to take the tray and check on you." he smiled. This time though, she was the one to nod even as he turned to walk out of the room to attend to his meal. Had she been too forward? She wondered as she doubted herself. Had she said something that she shouldn't have or was it something that she had left out? What had led her to suddenly blurt out those three words? This pregnancy! She lamented the hormones that would not allow her to think straight. That's it! She finally decided. I cannot trust myself to make major decisions in this state and as such, she pushed forward all the matters about her emotions forward with a plan to address them at a later date. Elsewhere, Ryan was descending the stairs lost deep in his thoughts. He knew that he had heard her. Her words and the hastily said confession of her thoughts and hopefully, her hidden true emotions. It had pleased him to hear it, but he also knew of her reservations and the conflicting thoughts that surrounded him and that matter. She had loved him once and he had broken her. Even now, he felt ashamed to even think about it. Of the torment that his treatment of her must have caused her. What his lack of consideration had done to her and forced her through. At the time, he had been like a wounded animal, lashing out at even the hand that would feed him. That would show him kindness. If anything he was very much deserving of her wrath and not her love right now, but despite knowing all that now, he still pursued her for he needed it. The love that would allow them to create a home. That would make it whole. More whole than the broken one that he had grown up in. These past few months had shown him how strong Katrina was. A beautiful winter rose that he had tried to trample in a destructive rage. The rose had withstood all that and finally bloomed, allowing him to see its beauty. A beauty that he had once sought to destroy. Katrina was strong and no matter how else she saw it, he would not allow her to see herself as anything but strong. It did not matter to him that much that by doing so there was a chance that his prospects and interests would meet damnation. No, for he had promised himself that he would respect her and he would continue to do so by refusing to take advantage of her low point to propel his status in her present life. "No my love." he strengthened his resolve in his mind. "When you say those words, I want it to be because you have no doubt whatsoever in your heart that you feel it. I want you to be full of conviction that those words are both true and right for you. And until then, until you are sure and are ready to speak about what you are really feeling, I will be here waiting just as you waited for me all those years that I was lost."