Chapter Fifty Four - Losing Control - Maya's POV

I toss in my sleep, feeling restless. Everything feels like it's entirely too much for me to bear. He's been gone for eight days. Eight days is too long, but I don't know why I feel that way. I shouldn't and I know that. Honestly, I should be relieved with the space, but I'm not. Right as I flop onto one side, I barely open my eyes, only to find Damian standing at the door. He's glaring at Evelyn, who has taken up her spot in the chair. She hasn't left me alone much at all these last few days. I'm not sure whether it is because she fears I'll try to run away or if it's to keep me company. He isn't saying anything, but it seems like they are having a conversation. It's probably another wolf thing that I don't understand, though I want to. I keep my eyes slanted, watching him. He's dirty and his clothes are the same ones he had on when he left. I feel awful, yet I guess it should be expected. Deep down, I tell myself to keep my eyes shut and pretend to sleep. I don't want to get any closer to him than I already am. If I want to escape, I'll have to fight harder and leave him behind, so there is no need in getting attached. I shouldn't anyway because he's just my captor. But why do I freeze when he looks at me? Why did I hesitate when he caught me at the door? I keep staring at him, longing to just look at him. So, I open my eyes fully and my breath catches. His head turns in my direction, as if he knew what I had just done without seeing me. 'Damian," I whisper. Evelyn jumps out of the chair, grabbing a set of knitting needles and her yarn as she does. 'I think I will go sleep in my own bed tonight. Is that okay with you, alpha?" He only grunts. She brushes past him in a hurry to get out of the room. He takes the first step inside. I sit up on the bed, my heart pounding. 'You are dirty, so what are you doing?" He doesn't say anything at first, just watches me. His presence fills the room and feels like when a storm rolls in outside. You know it's going to be rough, but you aren't sure how soon. Then, after what feels like an eternity of just standing in the open doorway, he steps forward. The door closes behind him with a light thud. 'Aren't you going to your room to clean up? I bet you want to after being away for eight days." I grip the blanket, pulling it up over my chest. He doesn't answer right away. Instead, he takes another step toward me, his gaze never leaving mine. 'Are you okay?" He asks, his voice cracking. 'Yes, doesn't it look like it? Evelyn took great care of me in your absence." He swallows, his throat visibly bobbing. 'I can't stay away any longer. You don't know how hard it was to be gone for that many days without seeing you." My heart skips a beat. There's something different about him tonight. But then his eyes glow a dim yellow and I know it's not the man in control. It's just like the books I read. Their animals really do control them. Though he seems restrained, he's still dangerous. I should tell him to leave and remind him that I'm not one to be claimed like an animal. That might be how they do things, but not me. 'Why are you here? Go shower and get cleaned up. You need it." His jaw tightens as his golden eyes flicker with something heated, something raw. When he makes it to the side of the bed, I look at his clothes, noticing how much dirt is caked on them. 'You're going to get dirt on the bed," I whisper. Damian crawls across the side of the bed, slowly, and then climbs over me. I lean back as he settles over me, still on top of the covers. HIs hands press into the mattress on either side of me. When he speaks, his voice is barely a whisper. 'It can be cleaned later." I inhale sharply as his mouth hovers above mine, mere inches apart. The air shifts, thick with unspoken words and tension so intense that it seems to crackle between us. I can't deny the attraction I feel, especially when he's this close. And he knows it. 'What do you want?" 'You," he says so quietly that I almost don't hear it. 'I can wait a little longer, but you're going to drive me to the brink of insanity." My breath catches in my throat when I hear his words, my pulse speeding up as our eyes lock. I should tell him to move, but the way he looks at me robs me of words. It makes me hesitate. My mind and heart are at war and though I want to fight this longer, I feel my resolve cracking little by little. My eyes land on his shoulders, seeing how taut they are against his shirt. With each breath, it seems like he is slowly losing control of the battle within him. His jaw clenches as he exhales. 'Say the word, Maya. Tell me to leave and I'll move." His voice is rough, challenging. My lips part, but no words come out. I can't say those words because I don't want to. The heat between us starts to suffocate me. He leans in just a little, and I tilt my head before I catch myself. I grip the blanket tighter, pulling it up to my chin. 'No, we can't do this." He groans before pushing himself back onto his knees, still straddling me. My gaze follows his hand as it runs through his messy hair. 'I'm losing my mind." 'That's not my problem." His head jerks to the side as a loud knock on the door fills the room. 'What is it now?" No one opens the door, but a man speaks from the other side. 'The pack is in turmoil. You need to come to soothe their worries." His eyes darken with frustration, but they won't stop until he goes. 'Fine, I'll be out in a minute, Simon." 'Yes, alpha." Damian turns back to me, and with one last lingering look, he moves off the bed. 'This isn't over, but you should get some sleep. After I deal with this, I'll shower and come back to check on you." He strides to the door and yanks it open, disappearing into the hallway. As soon as he's gone and the door shuts, I let out a shaky breath and collapse fully back onto the pillows. I reach up, absentmindedly touching my lips and wondering what would have happened if Simon hadn't knocked. 'Why am I not pushing him away?" My mind reels with the unknown, and I come to the realization that one thing is clear. Damian's not going to stop until I become his. And what's worse about it? I don't know that I want him to stop.