Chapter-18: Insecurities

Sya's POV: Later, as we had breakfast at the table, it was super awkward. Bryson was eating his food without much thought but the other two had a sort of staring competition going on. I tried to catch Bryson's eye. When he didn't look up, I nudged him under the table. What? He mouthed. I motioned towards Kane and Edi. Do something. I mouthed back. He simply shrugged before downing the rest of his cereal and juice and abruptly standing up. 'Come on buddy, let's get ready for college," saying this, he began to drag Kane out of the living room. I sighed. Stupid boys. "Thanks, cupcake. For letting me stay and for the breakfast," Edi said later, as I walked him to the front door. 'I'll be in the city for a while so I hope I keep seeing you. It was nice, to catch up like this after so long." I smiled and nodded, 'Thanks for dropping by Edi. I had fun." He gave me a lopsided grin, 'How couldn't I visit my sweet cupcake?" The playfulness in his eyes suddenly vanished and a more serious expression took over his features. I looked at him in confusion as he put his bag down and grabbed my shoulders. His eyes searched my face with their new-found seriousness as I waited for him to speak. "Cupcake, you know I love you and I just want you to be safe, right?" He began, his eyebrows drawn together in concern. I nodded. I knew for a fact that he thought of me as his younger sibling too. He was my only comfort back when I needed it. 'I'm glad you got away from that wretched house and its inhuman inhabitants. Back then, I couldn't do anything to protect you but now, I'm capable enough. So if you ever need me, need any sort of help, don't hesitate to call me okay? I left my number on your bedside table as well as my new address. Don't hesitate before asking, okay?" I smiled. The gratitude I felt at that moment was beyond explainable. I quickly wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my cheek against his chest. He chuckled as he wrapped his arms around me, rubbing my back. When we pulled away, he comically pointed a finger at me, 'And if that boyfriend of yours bothers you, tell me. I'll hunt him down and break his bones." I almost laughed at that but refrained from telling him that Kane could easily rip him into two. Anyway, it felt nice hearing someone saying that to me. As a big brother figure. 'Sure thing. Goodbye, Edi. Have a safe trip!" I told him and closed the front door behind him. But when I turned around to go in and get my bag, I collided with a hard chest instead. The scent immediately told me it was Kane and also because he wrapped his arms around me and inhaled through my hair. It was kind of weird, the way he always inhaled through my hair but since it made him happy, I never objected. I bet I smelled weird. "What are you doing?" I asked playfully, pulling away and looking up at him. Gosh, he was so tall. He grinned and shook his head. I reached up and played with his hair. 'I uh- I know you did not like Edi staying here Kane," I began, a little nervously. 'But he's just my cousin. In fact, he's like a big brother to me. I'm sorry I didn't pay heed to you-" 'Don't worry about it. I trust you," he cut me off with a wave of his hand. 'So I take it that you won't break his bones when you see him again?" I asked. 'I can't really say," he smirked. 'Promise?" I pressed. He sighed, 'Fine." I smiled, 'Thank you!" 'Come on. We'll be late. Unless," he smiled flirtatiously. 'What do you say we ditch college and have some fun?" he leaned over but I gently pushed him away. 'I'm already short on attendance for Calculus. Any more absentees and Mr. Harriot is going to make me eat all my test papers." He laughed as he let me go get my bag. 'How did you do on your test last week?" 'Don't ask," I muttered as he laced his fingers through mine and led me out the front door. 'I got the first question wrong and the fourth. Got the fifth one right though." 'What about second and third?" he asked, pulling open the car door. 'I didn't know the answer to them," I simply stated. He laughed, 'Wow, Sya. You really need tutoring. I'll ask Bryson to teach you a thing or two about Calculus." 'Really? Thanks!" I exclaimed. 'Speaking of whom, isn't Bryson coming with us?" He shook his head, 'He already left. Come on." He motioned towards the open car door and I slid in. He started the car and smoothly pulled out of the front of the house. My heart hammered inside my chest. I had a feeling today was going to be pretty eventful. * * * * * * * "I got an A+ on my American History test," Hannah said, waving a piece of paper in the air with a smile on her face. Hannah always had a strong hold on Historical as well as Literature related subjects. It wasn't a surprise that she got a high score but to her it was. Every time. Bryson and Kane laughed as several students cast looks at our table. It was lunchtime and we were inside the crowded cafeteria. 'So to celebrate it, we're going shopping!" Of course. I wanted to say yes but I knew I couldn't. 'No Hannah, I can't. You know I'm saving up for the college fee and my own expenses. I know I live with Kane at the moment but I will have to move out someday," I told her. The poor girl looked crestfallen. Kane frowned and Bryson also looked quite serious. In short, I had killed the mood. "It's completely okay, Sya," Kane spoke up. 'I'll pay for whatever you shop. I can do that much at least." He looked at me with hurt swimming in his eyes. "That's the thing, Kane. I don't want to depend upon you completely. I'll always feel like a burden and I don't want that. I want to save up and start a life where I'm responsible for myself, not you," I tried to explain. 'I'm not saying I'll bear your expenses. I'll just help you out until you have decent enough savings. That's all. There's nothing about you being a burden," Kane argued. I shook my head, 'Kane, that is sweet of you but I don't like living like this. At your mercy." Kane's face hardened at that and he stood up, pushing the chair behind him, and left the cafeteria. Bryson immediately got up as well. 'Uh, don't worry Sya. You know how emotional he can be sometimes. He'll come around soon," he offered with a helpless sort of smile. 'See you in Geography babe." He kissed Hannah on the cheek before hurrying after Kane. I sighed and rubbed my head. As much as I was trying to avoid being one of those girls who mooch off of their boyfriends, people were trying to make me into that girl. I looked at Hannah and she was staring at me with her eyes narrowed. "What?" I asked. "You know he only wants to help you," she quipped. "Hannah, you don't understand. I don't like depending on him this much. What if he gets irritated or worse, tired of me? What if he realizes what a leech I am and leaves me?" I mumbled, playing with my fingers. 'I can take money from him today, tomorrow, but not all the time. He's going to hate me for the extra baggage I carry and dump me for sure." I hated being afraid of someone leaving me. Before, it was different. I had nothing to lose. Helena and John could be tortured to death for all I cared but not Kane. Not him. I loved him way too much and I guessed it was too late with the whole depending thing. I couldn't imagine a day without him. Hannah's face softened and she placed a comforting hand on my arm. "Sy, I know how you feel. But you have to understand Kane as well. For him, he's helping you, not carrying you around like a burden. And judging by the way he looks at you, I know he's in love with you. I mean, you can literally see the heart's eyes. So let him pay for you for now and when you save up enough you can just pay him back or something. You have to let him in completely Sya. Into your heart and soul," she spoke softly. I smiled softly. She was right. And such a good friend. She knew how to calm me down whenever I hyperventilated and I knew how to strike her calming nerves. She quickly got up and pulled me to my feet as well. 'Thanks, Hannah." "Now go and tell him you'll accept his card for now and let's go shopping! I will not let you ruin my celebration of my A+!" she pulled me towards the café door. We stepped out into the hall, well it was mostly me being dragged by my best friend anyway. 'Look, I have Geography and Gym after this. I bet you have Calculus?" she asked. 'Nope," I shook my head. 'Already had that this morning. I only have French left." She paused and looked at me, 'You take French?" I nodded, 'Extra credit." She passed me a naughty smile, 'This means, you and Kane have plenty of time to make up." She stretched the word ‘plenty' longer than necessary and linked her arms with mine. 'What? No," I blushed slightly. 'Kane and Sya sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G," she sang loudly, puckering her lips. The entire student body was looking at her, girls throwing daggers at me. I quickly covered her mouth with my hand, 'Shh! Do you want the girls to murder me?" She laughed and shook her head. A boy suddenly showed up in front of us. He was a varsity player, I could tell by his jacket. He smiled nervously, running a hand through his ginger hair. Both me and Hannah paused, looking at each other then at him. 'Hi," he smiled. I had to say though, he was kind of cute. 'I'm Greg. I'm in your American History class." He was talking mainly to Hannah now. She seemed stunned for a moment. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Bryson walking out of the boy's locker room. 'Hi uh- Greg," she answered awkwardly. 'I was wondering if you had time to grab a coffee sometime?" He said, shifting from one foot to another. Hannah looked shocked. Visibly startled. It was so comical yet ironic because he was so cute. It was such a waste. 'Hey, I'd love to stick around to watch how this turns out but I have a boyfriend to make up with. See you later," I whispered into her ear and quickly slipped away before she could grab me. I ran down the hall and stopped Bryson, who still hadn't noticed Greg talking to Hannah. 'Bryson, hey!" He'd been looking at the ground, his shoulders tense. He looked up when he heard me and smiled. 'Oh, hey Sya. Kane's in there." He pointed towards the door he'd just come out of. 'Thank you," I said gratefully. 'Ah, no problem. What are friends for? Just see one when you have boyfriend problems," he grinned. I smiled evilly, 'Absolutely. By the way, I'll be happy to give you advice on your relationship too, Bryson." He frowned, 'Why would you?" 'Oh well, you know," I touched his muscular arm and gently turned his body towards Greg and his girlfriend. 'When Greg asks Hannah out and she dumps you and says yes. I mean, he does play varsity." Bryson's face was worth watching. He looked so jealous, I thought he'd turn green. 'That won't be necessary, Sya. I'll make a football out of that Greg before that happens." He quickly walked towards the two while I laughed before pushing open the locker room door. It was empty since lunch was still going on. It smelled vaguely of sweat and heavily of male perfume. I spotted Kane leaning against the lockers, looking at the ground deep in thought. A frown was etched on his face. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves down and walked towards him. He immediately looked up as he heard me approach and took a step towards me. His eyes looked so sad and hurt. I mentally cursed myself for doing this to him. My precious Kane was sad because of me. I quickly ran the remaining distance and threw my arms around his neck. I guess he wasn't that mad at me because he almost instantly put his arms around me and tugged me closer. "I'm sorry, Kane. I really am. I didn't mean to hurt you," I said, my voice breaking because I was trying hard not to cry. I pulled back and looked into his eyes. 'Why would you think the things I do for you make you be at my mercy?" He asked, hurt dripping from his voice. My heart clenched painfully and the tears I'd been trying to hold formed into my eyes. 'I help you because I love you and not because I'm simply doing charity or want to own you." 'No!" I exclaimed, shaking my head vigorously 'I didn't mean it like that, I swear!" He didn't say anything and I took it as a sign to finally pour my heart out to him and let him in, insecurities included. I took in a shaky breath, 'The reason I keep saying this is because I'm afraid of getting used to you too much. What if you decide to leave me? I won't be able to bear hatred in your eyes for me Kane. I know you probably think I'm being clingy but it's the truth! I love you too much to imagine life without you now. All my life I've had people I love leave me and-" He kissed me suddenly, catching me off-guard. Though it took me completely by surprise, I caught on pretty quick and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him back. He wrapped one arm around my waist and placed the other hand around the back of my neck, tugging me impossibly close to himself. This kiss was different from his usual ones. It was rough and needy. The need to have me close to him. It was different for me too because I needed to feel him. I needed confirmation that he was indeed real and mine. A single tear escaped my eye. We pulled away after what felt like ages, breathing heavily. My hands slipped down his chest and I wrapped my arms around his waist, leaning my forehead against his. He opened his eyes and looked into mine. They didn't look sad anymore. He cupped my face with his hands and pulled away. "I will never, ever leave you. I have said this before and I'm saying it again. I love you with all your flaws and I can never think of you as clingy. Not now, not ever! I love you Sya Summers, with all my heart. You own it and only you," he declared. I swooned even though it was still hard for my heart to accept that I could be this lucky. Tears streamed down my face as I searched his tender eyes. Not a hint of a lie anywhere. "Y-you love me?" I asked in disbelieve. The determination on his face seemed to have increased ten folds. There was something different about the way he'd said it. He nodded, caressing my face fondly. My own mouth stretched into the widest smile. 'I love you too." He smiled, wiped my tears away, and gently kissed my forehead. "Now am I allowed to take you shopping?" He asked, grinning. I nodded and laughed. 'Yes, but only this once," I added. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led me out. 'We'll see. We shall see."