The Line is drawn

I stare at myself in the mirror, taking in the smeared lipstick, my unkempt hair, and my clothes. I'd been so distressed seeing Loretta follow him around the lawn, and he turned my mood around just like that. He knew exactly what I needed without me even uttering a word. I try my utmost to improve my appearance, but no matter what I do, I look like I just had a quickie with my hubby. I suppose it's the smile that I can't suppress. I'm weirdly thrilled as I slip out of the bathroom, but my mood crashes abruptly when I find Loretta leaning against the wall. She looks at me with such hatred in her eyes that I find myself frozen in place. 'It wasn't enough that you stole him from me, huh? You just had to fuck him all night knowing I could hear you two." She waves her hand in my direction. 'And now this? You simply had to yank his attention away when we were finally having a nice chat. What is it that you're aiming to do? You just had to show me how much he wants you? Do you want to rub in that I lost my chance? That I gambled and lost?"I lean back against the closed bathroom door and shake my head. 'No, Loretta. I would never deliberately do that to you. I tried to stay quiet last night, and just now… well, it had nothing to do with you. I stepped inside and Ariel followed me. You could've stopped him if you wanted to." She laughs humorlessly. 'Are you fucking kidding me right now? You fucking bitch. I don't see why everyone constantly thinks you're so lovely and innocent when you're a vicious fucking slut." I smile at her, hardly able to suppress my wrath. 'Hmm, you might be onto something there. Ariel does call me his little slut, after all." Her eyes widen as if she can't believe I just said that, and I merely shrug. 'I'm done indulging you. You put me through hell for years, and I always gave in, because that's just how it's always been between us. Not anymore, Loretta. Walking away from Ariel is the finest thing you ever could've done for me, but it's also the worst thing you ever could've done to yourself. Your apparent disregard for my happiness and my goals for my future is awful. I'm done hoping that someday, you'll go back to being the big sister I once looked up to." She appears hurt for a minute, but her pain swiftly makes way for wrath. 'Don't give me that shit," she says to me. 'Don't try to change the subject and shift the blame." I cross my arms and glare her down. 'I wouldn't dare. That's your area of expertise, after all." She grits her teeth. 'Tell me honestly, Arielle . Why did you take my spot on my wedding day? We both know Grandma Adele would've permitted us to postpone the wedding if you hadn't. Despite her warnings, she'd never have coerced you. She loves you far too much to do anything to you." I nod. 'I know." 'Then why?" 'Because I've been in love with him for years. Ever since an engagement between him and me was initially suggested. My feelings never wavered. I've loved him since before you even met him. My biggest regret in life was introducing you two, so when I was given an opportunity to correct that, I grabbed it. Can you really blame me for chasing my goals by walking down the aisle, while stepping away from it allowed you to chase yours?" 'You disgust me," she tells me, her eyes sparkling with genuine hurt. 'All these years, you lusted after my fiancé, spending time with him, pretending to be his friend, when all along, you wanted him. Was it ever more than that? Did you two ever cross the line?" I recall the way I sat in his lap and tried to entice him. 'No," I tell her. 'Ariel never crossed the line with me. Not even once." I did, though. I crossed the line with him. I'm guilty of what she's accusing me of, but admitting that now would only further deteriorate what's left of our relationship. 'Loretta, why are you chasing after him when you're the one who left him at the altar? Why do you consistently seek to get between us even though we're married? Do I genuinely mean nothing to you? Does my happiness honestly not matter to you?" Some of the poison in her eyes drains away, and she looks aside. 'I want you to be happy, Arielle . But not with the man I love. Not with the man I anticipated a future with and share a past with." I stare at my sister, my heart aching. 'But I am, Loretta. I'm happy with him, and I think he's happy with me too. Can't you see that?" I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear and breathe shakily.'Over the last few months, you and I have destroyed the strenuous relationship we had, and what for? I won't leave him, Loretta. Even if I tried, he wouldn't let me. He loves me exactly as much as I adore him. You recognize that, don't you?" 'Love," she repeats, followed by a hollow laugh. 'Are you seriously standing here and telling me he fell in love with you after, what? Four, or five months of marriage? Don't be ridiculous. This is a rebound, and I'll let him have it, but it'll never be more than that." I inhale shakily and look aside. 'Maybe you're right," I confess. 'But even so, I'm his wife. I'll remain his wife for at least the next two and a half years, but we both know it'll be far longer than that. Even if you're correct, and what he feels for me isn't pure love… then that's OK for me, Loretta. I love him enough to wait till he someday truly loves me back." She stare at me in bewilderment. 'I'm sorry," I tell her. 'No," she says. 'You're not sorry." 'Loretta," I murmur, my voice breaking. 'Do you want me in your life? Because this route you and I are walking… if we see this through, there's no going back. I love you, Loretta. You know that I do. But I won't sacrifice anymore for you." She rolls her eyes. 'You say that as though you've ever had to sacrifice anything for me at all." I grin at her, my heart tearing. 'You wouldn't be standing here today if I hadn't sacrificed anything for you. Similarly, I wouldn't exist without you. We both know that Mom and Dad only had me because they needed my bone marrow to save your life. I've spent my entire life living in your shadow, Loretta, giving into anything you desire, supporting you in any manner I could think of, even if it meant making myself small and invisible. I'm done. I'm done being taken for granted. I'm done being pushed about. I love you, but I can't have you in my life if all you bring me is sorrow." Loretta looks at me and inhales shakily. 'You're right," she says. 'I'll never forgive you for going after Ariel the way you did, Arielle . I won't give up on him either. If that means that I'll have to sacrifice my relationship with you, then so be it. Let's be real. We both despise each other anyway. The only reason we tolerate one other is because we have to." My heart clenches terribly, and I breathe forcefully. I always suspected that she despised me, but I tried so hard to tell myself that it was all in my brain, that my own sister couldn't possibly feel that way about me. 'I love you," I tell her, my voice breaking. 'I'm pretty sure I loved you from the moment I took my first breath, and I'll love you until I take my last. It hurts me that you don't feel the same way, but at least I know now." I take a step away, taking one final look at my sister. 'You're toxic, Loretta. Not just to me, but to yourself. It isn't only me you're losing today, you know? With each passing day, you lose more of yourself, too. But you know what? It isn't my job to save you. Not anymore." I walk away and bite down on my lip in an effort to suppress my tears, but they fall regardless.