Chapter 9 (Getting Used)

Can he read my mind? I feel like he knows too much about this kind of pain.   "There's nothing I can do, Damon. It will really be like this, isn't it?" I said and sobbed again.   I was shocked when he pulled me up and hugged me.   "If only I could."   I was even more shocked and moved to tears by the words he left out.   Damon offered to drive me home. I don't want to, but, in his tone, I can't refuse. I don't want to do anything. I don't like it because I can see Sebe's face in the way he looks, and it hurts me even more.   My heart hurts so much that I feel like I'm floating even when I walk.   He's fucking engaged. It was like a broken record, repeatedly spinning in my mind.   I was about to open the door of Damon's car, but we were surprised when someone came out of a car right in front of us—Sebe and a gorgeous woman. She was exactly the girl I saw last time.   Damon held my waist.   "Don't look," he said softly, but I couldn't take my eyes off them. "Please, you're just hurting yourself even more," he added.   Sebe looked at us. His jaw tightened as he looked up at Damon's hand placed on my thighs. I don't know why I let Damon do this. I do not understand why I am comfortable in his presence.   Sebe didn't even smile at me whatsoever.   He didn't.   "Let's go," Damon offered. I unconsciously nodded, then he drove me home.   So, this is what they called love? Love is happiness; love is everything; love makes us smile; love makes the bland colorful. It makes your dull life shine. But in my state, all that is contrary.   Love is a matter of sacrifices; love can hurt unintentionally; love can destroy you. And now it's killing me.   ***   "Loosen up, Nat. Have fun even just now," Jen drank her drink. We're now in a club.   Kylie is gone. I do not know why or what she is doing.   It's been a week, and I'm being so lifeless. Thank God I was still able to do my part as a student.   We are in the Moonlight Club now.   I took the shot glass and gulped it down; this is my fourth. My body immediately warmed up. People are shouting on the dance floor like crazy dogs! But no matter how loud the music is, I still do not have the energy to make it public.   I took the beer to the table and stood up. I adjusted the hem of my black dress.   "Let us dance," I said to Jen, trying to find a bit of energy. Her eyes widened.   I no longer have the nervousness in my chest. I want to have fun and forget right now.   "Woah, that's something!" She stood up and pulled me. We immediately danced in the middle. There's a wave of people on the dance floor. They don't seem to have anything to do but dance to enjoy themselves! I did the same. Or at least I tried.   I did the weird moves and everything. But it became embarrassing when I saw a group of people at one table staring at me—my heart pounded.   The loud music became slow and sweet.   When the music changed, I saw Damon in front of me! He came closer to me. I looked for Jen, but she was nowhere. I think we lost each other.   "Can I have this dance?" Damon held out his hand to me.   Even just now, Natalia, give your heart a break.   I accepted his hand, and he immediately hugged me—the same as old. I feel comfortable in his arms.   He put his lips on my forehead. He sniffed at my hair.   "Are you drunk?" he suddenly asked. He smelled the alcohol I drank earlier.   He groaned. "That's enough drink for tonight," Damon threatened me concernedly.   I nodded.   "It's just a stress reliever, Damon," I chuckled. Damn, I'm a bit tipsy.   He mocked. "You don't have to be like this. I don't like it."   "I didn't know you were here either."   "My friend owns this."   I'm still a little ashamed of him because that's when he just confessed to me. He likes me. But we can't force our feelings to change.   He's not Sebe.    ***   I look up at the sunlight-permeable tree. I look at the leaves falling there. I'm always here in my favorite spot, in front of the soccer field with benches under the trees.   Nothing. The air here is fresh. It slightly cradles my fallen and lifeless hair. I looked up to breathe fresh air.   I wear eyeglasses because I need them when I'm reading. Nerd, right.   All my thoughts faded when my phone rang. I answered it immediately.   "Mom," I answered. She heaved a sigh.   "Sweety, I have something to tell you when I come back," she said on the other line. I want to get angry, and I want to scream because of frustration. But I can't, and I won't. Even though she has not been home for a few months, I still must respect her.   I know there's something wrong.   "I miss you." Even though I'm mad, I still love her.   "I miss you too, sweety. I hope you don't get mad." I close my eyes emphatically.   "I'll wait." I immediately ended the call.   ***   "You're terrible, Nat! Your brain is really a monster! You're perfect on our exam!" Jen said in amazement and took my papers one by one.   "Reading books can't kill you, Jen. Try it. It's worth it than fucking around."   She rolled her eyes at me.   "Where's Kylie?" I asked her.   She's being weird. It's obvious.   Jenn shrugged. "I don't know, maybe in the comfort room?"   I stood up to look for her.   "I'll just look for her."   She nodded as I left.   I first turned to the locker room to put my thick book there. I took off my eyeglasses and put them there as well. I first went into the comfort room to wash and comb my hair. I'll look for Kylie. I heaved a sigh when I passed the men's locker room and heard a familiar voice.   "Why are you like this? What have I done to you? I'm avoiding you, right!?" Fuck! That's Kylie.   I heard someone curse inside. A man's voice!   "Stop, Clinton," a deep voice said emphatically. Kylie scoffed, but I knew she was crying.   "You like her, right? Then be with her! I don't care anymore!" Clinton shouted. Everything's vague.   I bit my lip when I heard Clinton's name. I knew it! This is the reason Kylie's acting weird lately.   "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" she screamed inside.   Fuck!   I do not know what to do.   I don't know anything. But she was my friend. Should I intrude?   I was shocked when someone grabbed my arm and pulled me somewhere.   "Shit! Let me go," I said.   "Why are you listening to other people's conversations?" Sebe said to me.   My eyes widened. I thought it was Damon.   "She's my friend!" I told him. I wasn't looking at him.   He looked at me for a while, then he left. I swallowed, and the corner of my eyes became hot while looking at his handsome back moving away from me. It's been a month without him.   I'm getting used to it.