Chapter 55

Joshua feels restless as he drove home from Ria's house. He feels as such because of that person that keeps on disturbing his mind. He and Carla had two rounds of confrontations earlier. What started out as simple conversations ended up being messy confrontations of their feelings for each other. Well, the second one was really heated from the beginning. They were already arguing even before they went to the gazebo to talk. In the beginning, he just wanted to save her from that guy on Carlo Reyes' birthday party. Obviously, she's being uncomfortable to that crude guy who seems to attack every girl on that party. Joshua saw when he started hitting on Edmalyn. Then, when Carlo took her away, the guy shifted to Carla. Maybe Carlo thought Carla would follow them when they leave. But the guy was able to stop her from leaving. All he could think of is to slap in the face of that guy that he can't have Carla because she belongs to someone already. That's why he thought of pretending to be her boyfriend. It kind of worked. He was able to get Carla out of the room and take her to the garden outside. And then, the first confrontation happened. The story that she brought up - Dead Stars, as he recalled - it's like it clicked a switch inside him that made him ask her about those questions that seemingly bother him for a couple of days now. The 'what ifs' of his life being a guy who was so in love with Carla back then. Yes, these past days, it seems it's all coming back to him – the want to have the love of his former classmate. Maybe because they got to hang out a lot lately, and it made him ask what if that happened eight years ago? Maybe if they became friends back then, it would be easier for him to make her love him. Or it could be the other way around. It could have been easier for him to accept that they can just be friends. But because of the recent events where they were together, sometimes alone with each other, he couldn't help but remember the feeling he felt back then when he was so in love with Carla. Which, he shouldn't feel right now. Because it cannot be. Because it will not happen. He will never like or fall in love with anyone other than his red thread. Whoever she might be, for sure that when she arrives, his whole being will completely be disoriented. That's why he cannot accept any idea that might hurt not only his feelings but other people's as well. Just like Carla. Joshua feels like that guy from her favorite story. He feels like what he felt for the girl was still there in his heart, but in fact it was just the memory of the feeling. What he felt for Carla has long been gone. He just remembered how it felt because they became closer these past months. So it should not be. He cannot entertain any idea because he might just hurt Carla. Because the moment that his red thread come to his life, he would totally forget everything about Carla. Whatever friendship they had developed will just go to waste, and that's something he wants to avoid. That's why he decided to be true to her. In the most honest way he could think of. He doesn't know what he can tell her, so Joshua just said he could not love. It was vague, it was irrational in a way, but it's the only thing he could tell her. He knows it made her mad, but what can he do? He has to follow rules. He remembered that look on Carla's face while he said those words. She was shocked, maybe a little curious, but definitely pissed off. He can't blame her. Even him would feel annoyed if someone said those things to him. Why would you say that you can't love? Everyone was given the ability to feel, and because of that, everyone is given the ability to feel love. It was the lamest excuse and Joshua is mad at himself for saying it. But he can't do anything about it. When he was at that moment he cannot think straight. Maybe because Carla made him too nervous that he can literally hear his heartbeat on his chest. Maybe he feels guilty because of what he did to her when they went to Daebak Park. He almost kissed her. Back then under the stars and the lights and the fireworks, he felt a strong urge to kiss her. The moment was perfect, the setting very romantic, so he cannot help but be affected by the magic that Daebak Park has. Yes, he was caught in the moment. That's the only reason why he wanted to kiss Carla that time. Wanted, or thought? Yeah, maybe it's the latter. He was just carried away by the scenes he did in the movies and TV series that he did, that's why he felt like that with Carla. The only difference is she's not the leading lady that he can fall in love with. He felt awkward and guilty and more so, embarrassed after that. That's the reason why he kept avoiding her even though he wanted so much to apologize with what he did in Daebak Park. He didn't do that because of embarrassment. He knows Carla felt he wanted to kiss her that time, and he kind of felt scared that she's mad at him again because of that. God knows how many times he thought of going to her. He was just stopped by humiliation. By fear. He wanted to see her because he wanted to make sure they are still okay despite the fact that she felt he wanted to kiss her that night. She might avoid him again, and the friendship that they developed these past months might just go to waste. And he doesn't like that. He actually hates the idea that he can't talk to Carla the way he does right now. He does not like them to go back to how they were before they resolved their issues and became friends. He doesn't want to go back to those times when Carla does not even want to look at him. He doesn't like that. Everyone seems asleep already when Joshua arrived at their house. Anyway, they know where he had gone to, so they did not bother waiting for him. He was about to proceed to his room when he saw Jacob, his younger brother, in the patio. He decided to go to him first. "You're not yet asleep?" he asked Jacob. His younger brother looked at him. His two hands are holding his cellphones, but the bottle of alcohol and wine glass on the table in front of him did not escape Joshua's eyes. "Just checking some posts on Facebook, Kuya," Jacob said to him. Joshua went to his brother and peeped on his cellphone. Jacob let him see what he was looking, so Joshua was able to see the picture on the screen of his brother's phone. He frowned when he saw the wedding pictures that Jacob was looking at. "Riza got married?" He was surprised at what he learned. "Apparently, yes," Jacob answered. Riza was Jacob's ex-girlfriend. Joshua is three years older than Jacob, and if he remembers it right, Riza is younger than Jacob by a year. So Riza is just 22 years old, but she is already getting married. "Isn't it too fast?" Joshua sat beside his brother. He suddenly felt like he should be with him right now. "She got pregnant." Joshua was shocked at what he heard. What he knows is Jacob and Riza broke up less than a year ago. He didn't even hear that Riza is in a relationship again, then she's already pregnant? "Who would have thought?" Jacob asked. "We've been together since high school. It's almost eleven years. It turns out, I'm not the one he'll end up with." Joshua felt sad at what Jacob said. He witnessed how much he loved his ex-girlfriend, that's why he can feel the hurt he's feeling right now. "Well, that's how it is. You were not destined for each other," Joshua just said. "Whoa! The great Joshua Socorro believes in destiny?" Jacob looked at him amusingly. "Is it not allowed?" Joshua asked instead. "Give me whatever you're drinking." Joshua took his brother's glass and drank what's left in it. "Did you not drink on the party you attended and you're asking me for a drink right now?" Jacob asked. "Plenty, but I can't get drunk," Joshua answered. "I have to drive home." "I'm also not drinking to get drunk," Jacob said. "If I was, then I would go for something other than champagne, right?" He has a point. Even though his brother finishes up that entire bottle of champagne, he still would not get drunk. Jacob's tolerance with alcohol is also high. "But, why are you drinking then?" Joshua asked his brother. "Can't sleep," Jacob answered. "Because Riza got married." "Kuya, I saw the picture when I am already here drinking the champagne. That's not the reason why I can't sleep." "Then, what?" Joshua asked. Jacob smiled smugly. "Because of someone else." There it goes! Jacob is in love with someone else. Joshua thought of asking his brother who the mystery new girl is, but his cellphone rang. It's his Cupid Phone. He glanced at Jacob who is already looking at him. "Uhm... I just need to do something," Joshua said as he started to stand up. "Okay. Let's just talk next time." "Sure! Next time, promise." Jacob smiled as Joshua heads to his bedroom. The older brother can feel his youngest sibling's happiness because of that new girl he's in love with. Joshua felt glad because of that. His Cupid Phone continued ringing. Joshua looked at the screen. Cupid Mentor. Now, what could Ria want from him again?