第三章

她是他的人。我永远不会当面承认，但我一直嫉妒他们俩相处的方式。我想我更怨恨他，因为他是我的朋友，而且我们来自同一个世界。想到他的小兄弟是决定他能过正常生活而我不能的决定性因素，我一点也不高兴。而且我知道我这样想听起来像个碧池，但幸运的是，它只停留在我的脑子里，没有影响到其他地方。我们世界里的男人在结婚前会和很多女人约会。他们中的一些人会和这些女人保持长期的关系，而当时候到了，他们就会娶我们。第五州的女人是那些被困在“制造人”身边的女人。他们都是在经历了第十次枪击后还站着的男人最终会变成的样子。我们得到残羹剩饭，而那些正常的、光鲜亮丽的女人则品尝着新鲜的糖果。薄荷味的。然而，任却从未打算离开他的钻石情人。尽管我嫉妒和羡慕他们，但我还是打算帮助他。“我父亲坚持要我独自参加，或者带一个意大利美女。我听说莱昂纳多看上了谁。” 任做出一个滑稽的撅嘴，并挑了挑眉毛，从一个托盘上拿走了一块饼干。我拍了他的胳膊。“戴蒙德不来吗？” 我很惊讶，她说今晚会来。这就是我邀请凯莉·布雷的原因。我们三个人需要做一些事情。一些我永远不能告诉我的妹妹，甚至不能告诉任的事情。“当然，她会来的。凯莉会带她来当一个额外的伴侣。” 他揉了揉他阴影下的胡须，渴望地看着我身后的饼干。我发誓他吃这么多东西却没怎么吃东西。摇摇头，我翻了个白眼，看着天花板又转回来。“你可以再拿几个，但如果伊拉里亚发现了，你就自求多福吧。” “我不知道为什么我们必须在西雅图做这件事。为什么不在纽约呢？” 朱莉娅呻吟着，任用左手抓了一堆饼干。她不喜欢来这边，但我的妹妹想要控制这个州的人。一个我从未见过的人。她曾经近距离见过他一次。有时候我想知道女人是如何被一个男人迷住的，仅仅是一瞥。他的罪行、过错，以及隐藏在他需要背后的每一个糟糕的习惯，而这种需要又困住了她。我相信，马可·卡特利是一个有很多缺点的人，而我的妹妹是众多被他的魅力所吸引而没有理解他的罪行有多深的人之一。这就是我们的诅咒吗？夏娃是由亚当的肋骨制成的。她吃了禁果，引诱他也这样做。他忘记了它是被禁止的。第一个骗子。“马可和迪诺住在这里，” 任解释道，我透过窗户瞥见了莱昂纳多跳进他的银色双门SLK。我的缺点能和他的一样多吗？我的秘密能和他的一样吗？他戴着眼镜，从停车场倒车出来，让我完美地看到了他雕刻的、罪恶的脸。我注定要失败，不仅因为我家族的过错，还因为我对一个男孩的爱有多深。“卡波·马尔切洛住在纽约，” 朱莉娅指出来，我转过头看着任，他正用锐利的灰眼睛看着我。我轻轻地摇了摇头。我不想谈论它。我已经知道了。当他转头看向我的妹妹时，他的表情变了。“我父亲想看看其他城市的情况，因为我的兄弟们和文斯一起接管了这边。西雅图正在蓬勃发展，如果一切顺利，我的兄弟们将控制更多的地方，并使家族更强大。我们已经作为一个整体拥有了华盛顿州。为什么不利用它呢？” 朱莉娅的眼睛闪烁着知道一些如此秘密的事情的兴奋。任的诚实一直让我感到困惑。在我们的世界里，我们从小就被教育要保守秘密，直到死亡。第一次见到任，你就可以像读一本打开的书一样读懂他。如果你正在寻找答案，你只需要向他提及它。他会告诉你他所知道的一切。你会相信他所说的一切。但打开的书会告诉你书里有什么。它并没有解释太多，只是告诉你故事。我的爸爸告诉我，分享太多就等于要求早早入土。如果他说的是真的，那么任一直都有求死的愿望吗？或者，我从小一起长大的朋友是一个谎言大师。他是否告诉我他认为我想知道的，而不是真正的事实？这已经不是第一次这个问题困扰着我了。我害怕这个问题的正确答案。它可能正是我需要深入任的头脑的工具，而且我知道我不会喜欢我发现的东西。当朱莉娅皱鼻子时，他碰了碰她的鼻子。我的妹妹，和大多数女人一样，对我们男人的交易一无所知。我从来都不是他们中的一员。我们男人的交易是我知道得太多的事情。知道从来都不是一种选择，而是在很小的时候偶然发现的。就像上瘾一样，我尽我所能地去了解。有时候我们的敌人也是我们的盟友。知识可能是在战争和权力游戏中一个强大的工具。我们谈论大学、戴蒙德和我们所有的其他朋友。任的魅力具有感染力，而他无所谓的态度使他成为朱莉娅在接下来的40多分钟里的焦点。她喜欢听关于我们大学的故事。朱莉娅在完成学业后没有看到申请大学的必要。现在，随着她即将与今晚爸爸选择的任何人订婚，改变主意已经太晚了。那个选择很快就会变成拥有她的男人。当她还小的时候，菲利波拒绝了爸爸在她18岁时结婚的建议。那几个月菲利波和爸爸吵了很多架。当朱莉娅帮助我们的卡波的妻子妮可时，菲利波和爸爸之间的分歧就平息了，当时她生病了。卡波·马尔切洛问朱莉娅她想要什么作为回报。朱莉娅要求时间。她唯一的心愿是，在我的学业完成之前，爸爸不要让她结婚。一年前，我的爸爸履行了他同意的承诺。朱莉娅知道她的时间到了。而且我想她暗地里想把它做完。23岁，她被认为是一个结婚的好年龄。爸爸对朱莉娅管得很严。她有我永远不会有的责任。我想知道我的另一个妹妹，被我母亲的人，布拉特瓦带走的人，是否会像朱莉娅一样被困住。或者像我这样的混血儿，拥有我所拥有的自由，一种选择的自由，即使这种选择是有限的。朱莉娅几乎没有和男人说过话。当她这样做时，她显得很天真。尤其是像任这样英俊的人。我并不惊讶她对任说的每一个字都那么喜爱。当她凝视着他，没有眨眼时，我也不感到震惊。在这些时刻，我很高兴我不是一个出生于强大家族的纯血统意大利女人。我是混血儿。有时候我会问自己，我父亲送我离开的决定是仅仅基于我的继母对我的厌恶，还是也基于流淌在我血管里的血统。在成长的过程中，我几乎没有见过我的家人。我在芝加哥上学，努力活下去。当我在假期回家时，我的爸爸给了我我的姐妹们从未得到的自由。我最终总是和任、加布里埃尔、米歇尔和梅罗一起度过。在过去的几年里，这个名单又增加了一些人。即使现在，朱莉娅和我的妹妹塞雷娜也大部分时间都和我的继母在一起，占据着房子，或者参加在纽约的晚会和活动。我几乎从未见过她们。我为我的两个姐妹感到难过。她们永远不会知道和朋友们在校园里散步或和足球运动员一起参加派对的快乐。小事情，当你回想起作为囚犯生活在自己家里时，会让你生活得更好。储存一些幸福，以备那些你对丈夫的不忠视而不见的日子。但我更渴望我的另一个妹妹，那个被献祭给我的母亲的人民的羔羊。布拉特瓦即使在第五州也很危险。他们训练了一些女人成为杀手，做着不可告人的事情。我对她们了解得越多，这种痛苦就越深。“你还记得我们在芝加哥的第一个晚上吗？” 任问我。“我们偷偷溜到屋顶上，米歇尔喝醉了廉价的伏特加，” 我笑着，摇了摇头。当我还是个孩子的时候，爸爸送我去芝加哥上学，因为他亲眼目睹了我的继母对我的深恶痛绝。我是我母亲存在的提醒，也是我父亲的缺席。离开我的继母会让爸爸看起来很软弱，所以芝加哥是他的解决方案。我知道爸爸打了她，而且我当时不喜欢，现在也不喜欢。但有时候我暗地里希望自己能割断她的喉咙。我仍然对她耿耿于怀，因为很多年前，她把我推下了楼梯。那是一个星期五的晚上，我正在看《老友记》的重播，并在我的卧室里画画。朱莉娅在做爆米花，当它发生时。她在楼梯底部找到了我。那是我第一次看到我的妹妹失控。她拨通了爸爸的电话，那天晚上他带着坏心情回到了家。他把我抱到我的床上，叫我们的女佣凯瑟琳收拾我的行李。第二天早上，我发现我要去芝加哥了。我的人生观改变的那一天。我改变的那一天。“我记得你加入了他的行列。” 任微笑着，我因为这些回忆而呻吟。那真是糟糕的一天。爸爸在我离开的那个早上向我解释了关于被选为芝加哥的孩子的群体，作为两个意大利辛迪加，鲁索家族和卡特利家族之间的和平提议。这是我父亲第一次因为拥抱以外的事情把我叫到他的办公室。他要放我走了。他没有提到的是，我是四个男孩中唯一的女孩。在那之后我了解到的是爸爸不得不处理的流言蜚语。他的决定带来的问题多年来一直追随着他的影子。它给我们的家庭带来的影响绝非小事。但我知道他为什么这样做，另一种选择更糟。他一直想保护我。好吧，这就是他离开的那个早上告诉我的。并不意味着当时感觉是对的。我才11岁。几乎没有达到照顾自己的年龄。 'We felt like we were pawned off," Ren admits as his smile dims, reminiscing the memories the five of us will never talk about. Sometimes silence is voice enough when it's painted solely in fear. 'We were. I never thought we'll become a family of our own," I tell him as I touch his arm. A small comfort to soften a heavy weight goes a long way in moments like these. My sister remains quiet. She doesn't know what we did to survive in that place. Ren and Gabriel took most of it. But we all took the scars that came with our price of survival. We just handled it differently. For seven years, we stuck together. Romero, Michel, Lorenzo, Gabriel, and I. We didn't have a choice. Our bond was forged in blood and war. There was no power on the table. Our parents will never know what we endured. They think the Russo family are their allies, but the five of us know different. The Russo family has no allies. We knew that making the swap work was not an option. We had no choice but to become inseparable. My father was unknowingly the reason for our strong relationship getting forged in the first place. Our strong bloodlines and thirst for time made us unbreakable. After all the five of us were the best of our family names. The Capo sent his own son, Lorenzo Catelli. DeMarco sent their future heir, Gabriel. The Moretti sent their Capo's son, Michel, and the Raseto sent their only pureblood son, Romero. My Papa sent me, his reminder of what he lost. The 5 best families in the Catelli Famiglia. In return, the Russo sent their own. One of them was their Princess, Elisa. Our Capo insisted a girl be left in the care of the Famiglia, as I was. The Catelli's were kind to the children, raised them as they would us. But for us, it wasn't the case. We weren't accepted in Chicago as our parents had hoped. I was treated the worst and called a whore for staying with four boys. They didn't consider that we were staying with their Capo's sister and husband. Well, they just didn't care. It wasn't the Adults that made us miserable, it was their kids. Our Famiglia killed a lot of their family. They wanted to do the same, but their hands were tied, and payback wasn't off the table. What the other kids hoped would make us miserable and easy targets made us stronger. 'Yes, indeed we are," Ren touches my head. His gaze straining far away. I don't need to be his mind reader to know the night he is thinking about. The night we were saved by a Di Salvo. 'Now, you all join the same University. One day your kids will be just as close," My sister says. To the people in the Famiglia, these four boys are my brothers. After seven years, the stories amongst our kind became history, and Papa's choice of sending his half-blood daughter was regarded as an honorable action, not a suicide to his name. But unfortunately, marriage to any one of the boys would be a scandal. It was the one rule Papa couldn't be clearer about as I got older. The thing is, I didn't care, the lot of them were not him. It was 2-days after my 15th birthday and the first day of summer vacation when I fell hopelessly in love with the handsome Leonardo Catelli. The sun was blazing, giving his skin that extra golden glow as he stood in the Chicago heat. He was moaning to Ren and Gabriel about having to fetch us. He was 19 and the epitome of bad-boy. And I was a 15-year-old girl with crazy hormones. The poster girl for all things wrong. He looked right past my short form as I stood gawking at his tall one. Black glasses hiding the eyes that would come to haunt me in the days that followed. I never existed then, and I didn't exist now. I was Yana, Ren's friend. Leonardo greeted me when I went to his home after that day. He spoke to me when he had to and I always froze. Only with him. I - A little cat with a distinguished surname and him - A lion raised to rule a territory of his own. It's my own personal brand of torture that Leonardo Catelli is the only one for me. Maybe it's his voice, or broad shoulders, or the fact that he's always smiling. Or the few moments we shared on those rare occasions. Moments, I convinced myself a man like Leonardo Catelli could actually know I exist. Whatever the reason, it was my driving force to get into University. The reason I choose to stay in Seattle, far away from my family. One look at him in the morning as he crosses the Campus grounds and a few more when he attends frat parties is the perk me up, I need. A link. Even if it is all in my head. Sometimes I wonder if he is the sole reason I chose to study business? My Papa was proud when I announced that I was going to further my studies. He always empowered me in more ways than one. Except when it came to matters of the heart. I am clueless as my sister. My father still preaches to me that love will not guarantee me a stress-free life. 'I have not met your brother, Marco. Is he as charming as Deno?" I question Ren, changing the topic of conversation and quietening my mind. I am aware that my sister is hoping to get chosen by Marco. I have not seen the man in person, but his brother, Deno, is a regular when Ren is around. His dark humor, always welcomed. If I could say it aloud, I would call him a friend. But Deno once told me that his friends were actually the enemies, he would one day kill. I don't want to be his enemy. It has been a while since I have seen him. There are rumors that the Famiglia is shifting power. And Deno Catelli is the name whispered as the leading player. Unlike my sisters and most women of the Famiglia and even the ones that make up the 5th State, I say again, I know the dealings of our men. Not the false stories that are told to the women in attempts to keep them happy. Growing up, I was always ashamed of having only half Italian blood. My Papa told me to be proud of the Bratva's blood in my veins. He said our women were strong, but the Russian's made their women unbreakable. He said I am unbreakable. I like to believe that is true. However, the bit I have come to know of the Bratva isn't something I want to be known for. 'He's hard work, thank fuck you don't have to marry for power, or you might just be stuck with one of my clan." He laughs as I smack his arm, knowing he is teasing me because of Leonardo. Ren has known my affections for his brother from that first day. But he also knows the chances of me marrying his brother is in the negative. Marcello Catelli won't let his sons marry a half-breed, no matter how prominent my surname is. Ren's phone rings. I know the ringtone all too well, his fathers. He doesn't answer it, just frowns. 'I have to leave you ladies now. Guilia, it was lovely seeing you again. And my Yana Banana, I'll be your plus one tonight. I'll see you there. Wear something short and fleshy." He winks at me as he saunters off to do his father's bidding. 'He has a sexy butt, your friend must sleep really well." My sister sighs as she watches Ren leave. 'It's the hormones. Control them, we have three hours. Our stepmother will be bitching a fit if we're late." 'Why do you care so much about what she thinks?" Giulia asks. 'She is Elia and Serena's mother. We don't have a choice," I tell her. A valid reason but a lie. My sister opens the black Mercedes as she takes off her light blue heels and throws them in the back of the convertible. Her skin-tight jeans and Blue top screams sexy. She is so tall that I know she could have done well in modeling. My short form, pale skin, green eyes, and ash blonde hair is everything that sets us apart. Our slim figure is the one thing we share from our father. 'There is always a choice. We can go Gunzo on her and Zap-zap, ditch the body. Who would know?" Guilia says it like that can be an option as she starts the car. I slam my door closed. 'Ilaria is Papa's wife, and a DeMarco, we can't go Zap-zap, or someone would Zap-zap us," I inform my sister. We both hate the woman but tolerate her, I more than Guilia. The only difference is, I try to do as she says in hopes she will shut up about my extramural activities long enough. She has for now, but I think Ilaria's reasons are selfish and have nothing to do with me. My sister is lucky when it comes to Ilaria. She is the eldest daughter, and my eldest brother, Filippo, will never let anyone harm our spirited sister. Ilaria included.