SIXTY SEVEN-- A HOUSE OR A HOME?

It was late at night when I reached home, with mom. She drove us straight home and not to Miranda's house. When she saw me at that park where Robin left me, she looked as though she had just seen a ghost. She told me that she had hesitated coming to me when I called her to come meet me at a park near Miranda's house. It was weird. "I thought it was someone faking your voice" she had said. "I thought I'd never see you again. It was strange seeing you alone like that at a park, with a shawl on your body" she had cried, scooping me up in her arms. It seemed to me that it wasn't only my condition making her cry. She actually looked so stressed I wanted to cry too, and I expected that she would ask me what had happened or who my abductor was, or how I got lost, but she just stood there, cried and carried me in her arms , straight into the passenger seat. She probably felt the whole world spinning round her while she struggled to get a grasp on it. I didn't cry. I just held on to her waist and embraced her tightly. She had come to save me. My own loving mother. In fact, she had come driving madly towards me in barely ten minutes after I called her, that was after Robin disappeared. Right on time. She didn't ask me anything. She just put me in the car and drove us slowly away. She kept glancing at the sleepy me in the passenger seat. Many minutes later, i didn't even realize we were home already because I fell asleep while she was still driving. I was glad she was taking me home, because somehow I didn't want to go back to Miranda's house, not that she offended me or anything but I wanted to just lay my head in a cosy bed, my own precisely and sleep the tiredness and weight of everything off. While she drove us home, I was tempted more than twice to ask her to stop at Miranda's first, because I needed to collect my book- the guide Robinson had given me for my survival- the book which ahd the life experiences of my doppelganger, Nicole. I needed to take it back from Miranda Harley who had snatched it from me, but I needed to be anywhere but there, at that moment, so I didn't tell her. I just vibed with the moment. I was free. With my mom now, and on our way to a place called home. There's no place like home indeed. That book was very important to me. More important than anything at that moment. But what could I do? It was probably the last time I'd see or visit Miranda. No more girls' plans. All the other items on the list were automatically cancelled because of how everything turned out in the past few days. Miranda was probably grounded the second time. I was sure she wouldn't dare try sneaking out of the house ever again. When I asked her how she got into that kidnapper's den, she had mentioned "the pool party". It had something to do with the pool party for sure. Whatever it was, it didn't make sense that she ended up kidnapped with other girls in the basement of an uninhabitable house covered by tall fences and a gate that rusted due to age. I badly wanted to hear her story and know the state of my other friends including Chris and Mash, because I was sure they all went to the pool party From the pool party to a serial killer's hideout-- whatever he was, whatever it was, It didn't make sense. But what made sense? Nothing else did. My world made no sense. It was a bit too much for me to forget about Mira and my other friends, but I had to. If we met again, it'd be because I wanted to collect my book from her. Still I didn't know how possible or quick that would be. I stopped overthinking when I saw that we were nearing home, and that was when I fell asleep for a short time. As soon as we reached home and mom laid me in my soft gorgeous bed, I opened my eyes. I saw her prop my pillows, kiss me and fondle my hair before she left my room. I was not asleep yet, though I felt very sleepy. I waited for her to leave my room, counted one twenty on my fingers and then, I got up, with my groggy eyes and weak body, and went to the living room. I saw mom there, sobbing and I stood transfixed to the spot. I didn't want her to see me because she didn't know I was up yet. Why was she crying? I thought . She should be happy I'm back. Or is she probably just very worried and overthinking stuff, like "what if my daughter did not come back? What if I never found her? What if we never met again? What if she died?' It was something mom could cry about. I probably got my overthinking nature from her, or was that a natural thing for mothers to do? With a corner of my eyes, I noticed that their matrimonial room was slightly open but I doubted if there was anyone in. My twin sisters were nowhere to be found now. Mom had told me while driving that they had started to walk while I was away. Jamie started first, took three steps and fell. Pamela took two and lost her balance. It was a great news but mom was sad. Why? I wanted to go to her , wipe her tears and ask her if 'dad' is still in the hospital because I was sure he wasn't home. I wanted to ask her if my sisters were fine and if they were with the babysitter at Jack's or in the daycare ,or probably just in their matrimonial room right there in Kangaroo Estate. "I should have my book back" I thought and my head throbbed with this troubling thought. I needed to have this book because I needed to know how events will turn out, in my life. Robinson told me to get it back. Okay, no he didn't exactly say that. He didn't even mention that he knew I didn't have it with me, but he must have known, right?. He read my mind all the time. He must have thought, "Well, I've shown her again how important the book, "A girl named Nicole" is to her, especially now that we are parting and I won't be there to save her anymore? She should get it back from Mira. She should know that's what's next to do. She's pretty smart" "But how? Will I ever go back to Miranda or will she ever come here? She's relocating to the States in a few months" I asked myself but I got no answer for that. Whatever it'd take, I needed to get it back. Even if it meant pleading with mom to get it for me. And that must be done as early as possible before Mira's family cleared out stuff in their apartment and relocate to the States. As soon as they left, I was going to do two things-- relocate with mom and my sisters to another country, and then, work on losing weight. Of course the latter will be done on my own. I'd not let mom or anyone else know. It was very important to me or I'd be prone to pitiless bullying at my new school. I started to think of possible reasons for mom's tears. She was probably having a meltdown because of everything happening in her life at that moment. She was losing her husband, and she thought she had lost her first daughter too- that was me, and her marriage was also very shaky at the moment. I'm sure she didn't know what to do with Jack. Besides all that, she had no one else. Practically no one, except well, maybe Jack. But no close-knitted family. Her mother was gone and according to news, she never met her father. Her sisters hated her or she hated them, I didn't know. Something must have happened long ago to cause that long-term rift in the Gonzalez family. It was a conflict unresolved in years. All these were enough reasons to break down. Or maybe she was only depressed because of the confession her husband made to her. He must have told her, for sure because she seemed to be really torn apart. I knew what confession it was. I had read it in the survival guide Robin gave to me. Nicole's mother , Mrs Clark had heard her husband, Drake's confession. Something that shattered her heart into pieces. He killed his wife's father, the one she never met. He also killed one of his childhood friends in order to usurp his properties, he had connived with his own mother to do it. And that was the beginning of their wealth. Getting Ruby Gonzalez, my mom , pregnant when she was invited to the modelling agency as a second college student was also part of his mother's plans. I mean, she knew all about it. A very bad mother who destroyed her first son's personality and supported his being a murderer. It was a long story but I put the pieces together and started to understand it all. I didn't know if mom would tell me about the confession, or if I should ask at all, or what it would cause in our family , so I just watched everything unfold the whole time, without trying to stop it. Well, I couldn't because it was already written. There was one strange thing about this book which I did not mention before: If I try reading from the back or skipping many pages, it takes me back to the page I stopped. That is, Robin doesn't want me skipping pages. I needed to follow the events in it intoto. "Ariana" she turned towards me, wiping her eyes with a kerchief. It was too late to hide. "Mom" I walked up to her and sat by her. "Your father will be discharged soon" she said carefully, stifling sobs. "No one has slept in here since days. I've been sleeping in the ward with him" "Is he getting better?" For some reason I liked that everything went on naturally and I didn't have to know what would happen next. Maybe not having that book with me was a blessing in disguise. Or maybe not. "Mmmmh" she mumbled. I thought she said "Uh-huh" but she sighed "Mmmhmm" again. "He's not getting better" she finally said. A chill went down my spine. I knew it. "He still can't move his body or eat but he can talk and move his fingers, that's all" she held my hands. "I'm afraid he's going to be paralyzed in a while" "I'm sorry mom" I said, a tear dropping down my face. She wiped it immediately with the hem of her scarf top. I hugged her for a while and I could feel her heartbeat regulating. "The fact that I went missing must have been tough on you, with everything else happening" I said thoughtfully. She nodded. "I started to think God died or left me. I don't know..but you returning safe and sound means that he's not dead, and he's still with me" she said, forcing a smile. I simply nodded because she was making sense. Even though I didn't think I'd believe God for much longer. "Yes mom" I said, with my doubts edged somewhere in my heart. She rubbed my hair. I assumed she didn't want me to talk about how I got missing just yet. Maybe when everything got better, if Cameron got discharged or if her family was bound together in love. True love that is. Then we would all gather round a table at dinner and talk about things that happened to us, because then, everyone would be there for the other person. "Is he going to be fine, mom?" I asked, because I didn't know what else to say. "I don't know, darling. I hope so, and may God forgive him, because I really don't think I can" she started, making me sit up very well, and making sure I was facing her. She told me things now, even if they were meant for "big people" or "adults" that is. "What do you mean, mom?" "Don't worry about it, darling but I must tell you, Cameron and I can't be together anymore. I'm telling you this so that you'll not be shocked when I wake you up one day and say, 'Darling let's pack our bags'" . I don't need to hide stuff from you anymore" , she stopped to see my reaction. I looked bewildered and uncertain about her words. "But why mom? You and him were just vibing recently. What happened?" "I'll tell you later. It's a long story" she said. I rubbed her hands and said in my thoughts, "I know why, mom. You can't live with someone who murdered your long-lost father, even if it happened a long time ago. You can't keep living with someone who murdered a person that died and started to haunt your daughter for a long time. You can't live with a murderer because peace is what you need, and a murderer cannot give you it" but I didn't say it out loud. She stared at me as if she had just read my mind. As if. "For now, I need peace and a safe place far from here. You need it too, and I'm gonna get it for the both of us, because we deserve peace" "Yes, we do. Pamela and Jamie too" "Sure. We are not gonna leave them behind, are we?" She half-laughed. Somehow her laughter wiped away the stress on her face. "Where will be relocating to, mom?" I wasn't exactly happy that we were leaving, but I was not exactly sad either. Just uncertain, anxious and hesitant about the whole thing. "Home" she said. "we are going home" "Home?" I thought the whole thing had started getting to her because she sounded like she didn't know what she was saying. Her voice had a distant tone to it. She even closed her eyes as she talked, some residue of tears resting on her eyelashes. "Home is where peace lives" she muttered dreamily.