SIXTY NINE: MY FINAL WRITING AS A CHILD

I was my mom's best friend. I knew that, even though she never exactly said it. As soon as I got upstairs, I met Mike by the first door, waiting, with a towel in his hands. I ran to him and tried to enter the room. He moved aside quickly, wondering why I was so swift and anxious. Well, I met Nora inside instead of mom. She was fast asleep and apparently, she had thrown up on Mike, and that was the reason for the disgust on his face. I quietly shut the door behind me so I'd not wake Nora up, and then, I asked him: "Where's my mom?" "She's with Jack" he said. "Stop looking so anxious. She's fine, he's taking good care of her, okay?' he said, rubbing his shirt intermittently. He looked like he'd cry the next minute. All of a sudden, he gargled as if he wanted to throw up, and then ran straight to a bathroom. He must have seen a streak of vomit on his shirt. I grabbed the opportunity and started to look around for mom. I knew if she was with Jack, then she was fine because she talked about him with high esteem. But I still wanted to see her. The house was built in such a way that the rooms spiralled round. No room was facing another on the exact same opposite angle if you get me. You had to turn and swirl round spiralling staircase to get to another room. So if you weren't careful and you walked too fast, you could actually feel lightheaded and weak . Everywhere was quiet. But there was a particular room where I heard someone groaning or moaning.l, I didn't know what. I thought the person, whoever it was, was in pain, so I ran towards the door of the room, but as soon as I got there, I realized that the sound was a mixture of pain and pleasure, maybe mostly pleasure even. I peeped through the keyhole but I didn't see anything, because the light in the room was dim. So, I tried to eavesdrop instead, without making a noise. "Should I stop?" I heard a familiar voice whisper. The voice was heavy. Like the person was struggling to catch their breaths. The moans stopped. "No, please" I heard another familiar voice respond to him.Soft and dreamy. It was mom of course. I'd never mistake her voice for someone else's. "Don't stop" she added. I then remembered Mike telling me when I asked about her whereabouts, "She's with Jack. Stop looking so anxious. She's fine, he's taking good care of her, okay?' Was this what he meant? Was this what he meant by 'he's taking good care of her'? I was very young but I knew how people sounded when they were having sex, because I heard this same moan from Cameron's room everyday when he slept with mom, at least before their walls became soundproof. I always heard mom's cries. It was as if Cameron was her master, and she was the slave. I heard it all but I never acted like I did. Well, that wasn't my fault. Cameron was loud. Too loud a person. Imagine hearing something like, "Spread your thighs, baby or I'll be rough" Or "Why are you crying? Does it hurt that bad?" from your parents' room while you're trying to get some sleep at night in your own room. I bet Mike caught their voices a few times too. It was certainly very irritating but what did I not see in that apartment called Kangaroo Estate? Maybe that was one reason mom didn't hide anything from me anymore, at least most of things. She knew I saw most of the things that happened, and I was wise enough to not let it show. I used to think Cameron was hurting mom. That sex was bad and that it was an opportunity to hurt women and make them sad and be at your mercy. It was one reason I didn't allow any man or boy touch me. Not after what Mike did to me at the pool (though I didn't remember this, that time) . Only Robin was a safe bet I started to see every man as disgusting at a very young age. And it was because of Cameron Peyton, my mom's husband. At least Jack was not loud and rough, like Cameron. And mom was okay with it at least. Despite that I didn't blame her, I still had a bad feeling about it. She once taught the teenagers in church that it was wrong to have sex with someone else while you're married. Now she was doing exactly the same. I was very anxious. What more immoral things would mom practise after this? What more bad things would Cameron make mom do? I didn't realize I was crying until Mike tapped me on my shoulder. "Come on, what are you doing here?" He said, dragging me downstairs immediately. He knew. I felt betrayed by him. That didn't make any sense. Should he have said, "Hey Ariana, your mom and Jack will probably have some couple's fun in the room over there. Would you let them or not?" Insane. Ain't it? As soon as we got downstairs, I stopped crying. He just kept on bringing me juice, treats, food etc and I took them all. Music was playing slowly downstairs where Nora's parents danced away their time with two other young men, and two women which I assumed were Nora's brothers and her parents' daughter-in-laws. They were all very friendly and good-looking, at least it was what i saw first-hand, but It somehow baffled me, however that no one asked about Nora. Did Mike tell them already about her drunk state and asked that she not be disturbed? Or did they simply not care about her? Or did they loathe her because she was a rare breed-- a Werewolf? Did they know that? They danced so well and you could see happiness radiating on their faces. Meanwhile i was there, my mind getting carried away by the weight of mom's absence on the chair beside me. Mike knew I was absentminded. I was waiting for both of them- Jack and her. Not that I had anything to say. I might not even look her in the face. All I wanted was for the party to be over so mom and I would leave. Little did I know that she was going to be spending much more time with Jack after that night. After about twenty minutes later, Jack came out without mom. He walked over to my seat but I didn't respond like he was a familiar person. He didn't look any different except that he had a loose button on his shirt. He was neither smiling not frowning. And I merely nodded slightly, and shifted uncomfortably in my seat when he asked me if I was enjoying myself. He asked Mike if Nora was fine. He nodded in the affirmative. Then Jack faced me, "Get up, it's late. We have to get you home now" he said, trying to pull me up. I stared at him blankly, "I'm not leaving without my mom" he scoffed, and then said, "Well, she's in the bathroom and she asked that I get you home, because we still have some things to settle before we leave" "I'll wait until everyone's ready to leave" "No, little girl, it's past your bedtime. You need some sleep. Don't mind us, we are adults and we can cope, but not you -a little girl" he grinned. "Don't call me a little girl. Where's my mom?" "In the bathroom. She'll be with us in a jiffy" and just as he uttered those words, I saw mom on the staircase, her jumpsuit tight on her buttocks and hipline as she strode down the stairs. She had her bag crawling down the stairs alongside her. Her face was expressionless. As soon as she got to our table, she didn't look anyone in the face. Not even me. Her lipstick was gone, her cheeks flushed. "Let's go home, darling" she said to me, carrying me in her arms, with our bags on her shoulder. "Let me drive you" Jack blocked our way. Mike got up. "No, I can drive" Mom said curtly, "Thank you" she added, looking across the room. It was then I knew that he had lied about mom asking him to take me home. There was a friction between the both of them. And looking back at Mike, I felt a faint wave of nostalgia pass by me. I felt like I'd never see him anymore after that night. Mom didn't look back at Jack It felt like they just broke up. I didn't understand all that was happening. But I did, many years later.