Chapter 16

Her head feeling as though it would split in two. She rubbed her temples but the headache persisted. She tried to tell herself nothing was going to happen as she felt her heartbeat race. 'Are you okay?" The doctor asked, worriedly. She briskly raised her head. 'Ye...yes I'm okay. I'm fine. And about the pregnancy... you don't have to tell Ahmad about it. You know, since he isn't feeling too well. I will inform him myself when we get discharged." The doctor smiled as he nodded. 'Luckily, he will get discharged tomorrow. Now, you should get more rest before you head back to his room." She smiled and nodded. He excused himself and left. She shivered, but it wasn't from the cold. It was the thought of the huge mess she was in. Now that she was carrying Ahmad's baby, she knew he would never divorce her when he finds out. Was that how she'd watch her dreams shatter into many piece. 'Because of you!" She blurts out, touching her tummy as she looked down at it. She looked at the table, it was the test result. She took it and read through, she was in her first trimester. Without any second thought, she tore the paper into many piece and threw it in the dustbin. She left the room, forcing herself to come to her senses. She cannot let Ahmad find out about the pregnancy. The next day, Ahmad got discharge and they finally went back home. She made sure he lacked nothing and made sure he was doing well and following the doctor's instructions. The rest of the day, she spent it in Ahmad's room, taking care of him. And for once, she never felt tired or got annoyed with the way she was working nonstop. She was sitting on the edge of the bed while he laid down in bed, staring at her. He was still in shock by what hidayah had said about him. It was too much for him to take it in all at once. But he had no choice but to accept the decision she had made. But a part of him doubted if he could stay without her because he has been in love with her his whole life. Just the mere thought of not being with her had made him fall ill for about a week now. What would happen if she actually decides to leave and demand for a divorce? 'Do you need anything?" She asked worriedly. He blinked, focusing his gaze on her. 'No, I'm actually going to the mosque now." He took off the duvet and got off the bed. He sauntered into the bathroom while she waited for him to come out. He came out and met her still in his room. 'I'm fine now seriously." He gave her an assuring smile. 'You should go to your room and pray. I'm going to the mosque to pray, and then go check up on ummah." He wore his Jallabiya and took his cap together with his car keys before leaving. With a heavy heart, she sauntered out of the room. If only he knew the drama she had gotten herself into. Hidayah prayed Isha and went downstairs to eat but failed to. Everything tasted or smelt bad. She had completely lost her appetite, frequent headaches, mood swings and so many things that never happened to her before. Was that how pregnancy was? Terrifying and stressful. She tried watching a movie, to avoid thinking of the drama she was facing. The whole time her mind jumped from one chaos to another, making scenarios, thinking of a solution. Because at the moment, she wasn't sure about leaving ahmad or not. She felt a small lump sitting in her throat. How did she let things get so complicated? To top things up, she was now pregnant. With Ahmad's child. And she knew if he finds out he will never divorce her. Not by the way he had shown how he feels about her. She exhaled, releasing some of the tension that had built up in her shoulders. She opened her eyes and checked the time, it was past 10 in the night and he wasn't still back. She switched off the TV and left to her room. She sashayed in same time her phone was ringing. It was Adam. 'Adam..." 'Where the have you been all day? I have been calling you throughout yesterday and today also but you never picked or returned any of my calls... and even text messages." She closed her eyes and exhaled, letting out the stress. 'I... I know, I'm so sorry. He got discharged yesterday afternoon and I had to be there with him throughout, that's why. I'm sorry, okay?" She was ready for his tantrum. She was even used to it after all. 'It's okay, babe. When do you plan to ask for the divorce?" Hidayah jerked back a little. Adam didn't yell... that was so unlike him. He has really changed like he said. 'No... I... we... have a problem, Adam." Ahmad ambled up the stairs and walked towards her room. 'The last time you came to the hospital. After you left..." She felt warm tears start to stream down her face. Her lips trembled as she cried. 'What is it?" He bawled, annoyingly. 'Adam... I... I'm pregnant." She proclaimed. Ahmad shifted back with a growing sense of shock. He wasn't expecting her to say that. Hidayah was pregnant? With his baby? He's going to be a father? A smile appeared on his lips as he made his way to his room. He collapsed on the bed with a sigh of relieve. He closed his eyes and gazed into nothingness. He smiled because he has finally found his answer. Before, he was contemplating whether to divorce her or not. But now that she is having his child, that was more than enough to answer his tough questions. 'Adam... if... if he finds out about the baby, he will never divorce me. My mother will never allow it either. What do you want me to do? We are running out of time, Adam. I just... I don't even know." She whimpered ceaselessly. Adam hesitated, thinking of any possible way to get out of the mess. He heaved a sigh to ease his tension. 'Look, enough with the tears. We will find a way, okay?" After the phone call, she went to his room to check if he was back. 'Oh, you're back." She sauntered further into the room. He sat up right, smiling. 'I just got back," he told her. She sat beside him on the bed. 'How are you feeling?" She placed the back of her hand on his forehead to feel his temperature. 'Good." He wrapped his arms around her waist shoving his face in her neck. He planted light kisses on her neck before pulling back. As Ahmad meets her eyes ,he smiled, and her heart warms in a way she never knew possible. 'Why are you staring at me that way?" She couldn't help but ask. He chuckled, looking away and then fixed his gaze back at her. He was happy, happy that she was carrying his heir. Happy that he wasn't going to lose her. 'Cause you look beautiful." She simply laughed at the sweet gesture. He pulled her closer. 'Now come, let's sleep." He puts an arm around her as she rest her head on his chest. They laid there in comfortable silence for a while, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Soon, she closed her eyes and collapsed into a deep sleep. The next day, hidayah resumed work. She started work immediately because she was way behind even though she had taken few days off to take care of Ahmad. It was past 2 in the afternoon when she was folding important papers and placing them into an empty envelope when someone barged in. She briskly looked up but sighed when she saw the intruder. 'Adam... what are you doing here?" She needn't to ask him how he knew where she was working. She was the one that told him obviously. 'Happy to see you too." He settled down on the chair opposite her. She smiled and shook her head. 'You know I am. But seriously, what brings you here. You know we shouldn't be seen in public like this." She reminded him but Adam shrugged his shoulders. He dropped a tablet of pills on her desk. She looked at the bottle to Adam. 'And what's this?" She took the tablet to examine it. 'Abortion pills." She briskly dropped it back. Terror sucked the very breath from her mouth. 'Adam... wha... what do you want me to do with this?" Hidayah was trembling with fear. There was no way she could do that. 'Abort the baby of course. Because this baby is what's going to hold us back, except you don't love me anymore. I really thought you'd do anything to be with me hidayah. But you've proven me wrong." He got to his feet and walked towards the door. 'Adam wait.... I..." She quickly approached him. 'I didn't say I wasn't going to do it. I just..." She let the words to trail off. He wouldn't understand even if she tried explaining. 'C'mon baby you can do it. I trust you. Please... do it for us, okay?" He grabbed her arms with his hands and gently squeezed it. She lowered her gaze and took a deep breath. She hesitated before finally nodding. Hidayah closed that day thinking whether to actually take the pills or not. What if her husband finds out that she aborted the baby, on purpose? He would definitely think so low of her. But... that would be the ticket get out of the marriage. She parked her car at her parking space and alight from the car. She sauntered in and went straight to her room and freshened up. Her phone vibrated, indicating a new message. It was Adam, for the countless time. He had been bugging her the rest of the evening if she had taken the pills yet. Before she could get the chance to drop the phone, his call came through. She hesitated before picking up the call. 'Have you taken the pills yet?" He asked the question. She heaved a sigh rubbing her temple. 'Listen, Adam..." 'What's taking you so long, babe? Why are you sceptical about it, huh? Babe, do you know how eager I am to have you all to myself? C'mon hidayah... I... I really don't want to lose you because I love our sweet moments together. They make up for my cherished memories with you. Every little thing you do makes me go insane. Your love isn't just love. It's magic, Hidayah. And I love you so so much." A huge smile appeared on hidayah's face, and her eyes lit up like the sky on the 4th of July. She couldn't believe that a day would come when Adam would express his feelings this deep to her. He always claimed he loved her but it was never convincing. But tonight, tonight it was different. Adam successfully convinced her into taking the pills. She ate her dinner before taking the pills. She dropped the tablets on her side drawer and continued with her business. An hour later, she heard Ahmad's car pull over. She let out a shaky breath, waiting for him to come upstairs. She felt a sudden sickening sensation throughout her body. She took a deep breath and exhaled before following him into his room. 'I thought you said you weren't going to work until next week?" She took in his uniform from head toe. His eyes met hers and they shared a smile. Hidayah looked away, smiling sheepishly. She felt his hand on her hips, pulling her closer to him. 'Something came up, so I went to the base to handle it." He had a deep voice, one that gave an air solid confidence and was so very easy on the ears. She let out her breath, surrounding to Ahmad's touch as his hands caress her back. 'Okay... how are you feeling today? Are you hungry? I can cook something for you now," she spoke with so much concern. He admired it. It made him believe that maybe she didn't mean what she had said about him. Or maybe the pregnancy had changed her mind. He kisses the lobe of her ear, then a spot along the curve of her neck that sends a pleasant tingling through her body. He pulls back to observe her expression. He was satisfied with it. He pulled away and sauntered into the bathroom. She settled down on the bed, waiting for him. He came out shortly, a towel wrapped around his waist. Her body didn't know how to react to the naked, wet man walking around the room. She swallowed hard and turned her gaze away. She cannot let his alluring body seduce her. Moments later, she felt a tight, sharp pain in her abdomen. Could that be it? She shifted uncomfortably, trying not to make a scene. Ahmad noticed how she kept grimacing, holding her tummy as beads of sweet cascade down her forehead and temple. The pain was more intense than anything Hidayah had ever imagined. Nothing could be more brutal, not whips or chains. She yelped out in pain, making him to rush to her side. 'Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" She briskly shook her head, whimpering already. 'My... tummy... it hurts... a lot." Without wasting time, Ahmad rushed her to the hospital. When the doctor announced that Hidayah had lost the baby, Ahmad didn't know how to react. His breathing became so light and his mouth gaped. His heart pounded as his mind churned. For several moments he stood unmoving. His limbs went numb with absolute fear. Fear of something he doesn't even know what about. His eyes darted around restlessly as he made his way to hidayah's room. He settled down beside the bed and grabbed her hand. He stared at her as she slept so peacefully. How would she react if she founds out they have lost the baby? Waves of pain washed through his mind. She would be devastated, he was sure. He swallowed the painful lump, forcing himself to come to his senses. He had to stay strong, at least for his wife, Hidayah. The next morning, he called her family and informed them about the incident. Hidayah had woken up by the time they arrived. Devastated was one word to describe Hidayah's situation. 'Ummah please let's leave already. If you like you can cry till tomorrow." Hidayah threw a hot glare at Aisha's way. Aisha was so vexed and tired of hidayah's attitude. They have been trying to console her but hidayah chose to play deaf and dumb. 'Look, hidayah Allah does not burden a soul with what it cannot handle. These are the trials that He afflicts to His creation, because He wants to do good. In return he demands patience in answer of there trails. So exercise patience, okay? All is well." She gave her a side hug and promised to visit later that day. They left, leaving her with Nafisa while Ahmad went home to get her some new clothes. He went straight to her room and fetched some new comfy clothes she could wear. He grabbed her phone on the side drawer but something unusually caught his eyes. He picked the pills up and examined it. 'Misoprostol?" He turned the tablet around and read the warning. ‘Misoprostol can cause birth defects, premature birth, uterine rupture, miscarriage, or incomplete miscarriage and dangerous uterine bleeding. Do not use misoprostol if you're pregnant.' His mouth opened, his body didn't move. The colour drained from his face as he stared at the abortion pills. His world suddenly crashed down on him. A great tremor overtook him as tears raced down his cheeks. Hidayah aborted his baby.