Chapter 18

With eyes at rest in the way of dreams, Hidayah heard the quenching rain. The percussion of the given water varies according to the surface it wets. There was the drums that were windows, the cymbals that are the concrete floor, and the soft, soft maracas that are the music of the grass. The triangles are the puddles, a high note to pick up the mood to sing of the joy of the plants upon such a night. With tedious movement, she got off her bed and ambled out of the room. She headed to the balcony and peeked out. He wasn't back yet and it was already midnight. Hidayah heaved a sigh of frustration. She walked back to her room and settled down on the edge of her bed. She rubbed her temple and bite her lower lip to stop the tears from cascading. Coming home late, giving her silent treatment, yelling for unnecessary reason, not eating her food when she cooks. This was how Ahmad has been treating her for the past four weeks or even five, she lost count. And it was still going on. She was tired, but what could she do? She caused everything after all. And she was saying her debt. He looks at her like the fire in his eyes has been dowsed with ice water, if nothing it made the hazel brown colour more pale. She wasn't used to it, it unnerves her. She wants Ahmad to give freely like he always does but he won't. It was like he just crawled inside some invisible shell and no matter how hard Hidayah tried, he's unreachable. He moves his eyes more slowly, like they were heavy, an effort to move. She wanted to fix things, go back to cooking together, watching movies, flirting and cracking jokes. She could hold the heartbreak no longer and collapsed on the floor in a disheveled heap as her grief poured in a flood of uncontrollable tears. Crying had always been healthy release, but for Hidayah it was a habit now. The blue feeling washed in like an unwanted wave, knocking her sandcastles flat. Then what? Was she supposed to construct them again? Get that bucket and spade out and make it pretty all over again? She sat. No more building, no more castles. She exhaled and stared out into blank space, more tears, no surprise there. She let them fall, not raising a hand to stop them. They splashed down onto her night gown in a rain-like pattern and naked in leaving dark splotches on the red coloured fabric. There was more where that came from, what percentage water was she anyway? Less than a watermelon but certainly enough to cry for hours. And then what? Then have another glass of water and start all over again. Hidayah grabbed her phone to check for updates on the ‘Newly Engaged Couple'. She scrolled through Layla's youtube page, there was a new update. It was same as every other day. A casual day with her lover, Ahmad. Today they went to the Airforce Base together and Ahmad showed her around the base. There were so many things that he didn't even do with her yet there he was with another lady that he wasn't even married to. With tremblings hands, she checked her WhatsApp status. Ahmad had posted tons of videos and pictures of him with Layla. She knew there was something between them at the beginning. Since that day he answered Layla's call in front of her. She dropped her phone as a great sob escaped her, and she covered her face with shaking hands. She hated how she felt when being jealous. She could remember the times she cursed him, abused him and told him how much she hated him. But here she was drowning in an ocean of him and he's the only person she wants. She rose to her feet and stepped out of the room. Tonight, she needed to confront him. She needed answers. As if on cue, his car pulled over. She waited in the living room till he walked in. Their eyes met and he looked away and started walking towards the stairs but she blocked his path. He paused and peered at her. Her eyes were red and puffy. 'What?" He asked frigidly. She unlocked her phone and shoved it in front of him, showing him the proposal video of him and Layla, and also the one they went to the Airforce Base. He watched the pictures and videos as a smile appeared on his lips. 'Why are you showing me something that has happened live with me? I mean, I would do anything to experience that moment again, but why?" Hidayah jerked back. There was a bitter taste in the back of her mouth that she couldn't seem to get rid of. 'What the hell do you mean? Are you out of your mind? Have you seen how your pictures and videos have been going viral knowing fully well you left your wife alone at home? What do you mean by the rubbish you're doing?" She shrieked at him. She was done with his crap and silly attitude. She didn't deserve to be treated that way. Ahmad gaped at her in awe and laughed out of astonishment. 'You're so selfish, Hidayah. You even have the guts to approach me with such nonsense? Well listen, I'm getting married to her in 2 months time. The wedding date has been fixed and everything is already set." He left her standing there fuming. She let out a loud growl and grabbed his shirt. He lifted his hand to slap but paused when she flinched. He curled his fist into a ball and sighed, lowering his hand. Hitting her was the last thing he could ever do. He loved her too much to hurt her physically. Just watching her grief now was more than enough. His eyes narrowed and his teeth clenched together. Her body wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears. Her lips trembled as she cried. 'Have you thought that I've forgiven you for what you did to my child? And I thought by now you'll demand for a divorce from me? Well, this is the right time. But, before asking for a divorce... I'm never going to divorce you now. First, you should call him and tell him that I've divorced, and see how he'll react." He swatted her hands away from his shirt and walked away without a back glance. She collapsed there as more tears gushed out. She wiped her cheeks but the tears came any way. 'Who do think you are to treat me this way? A whole me? Hidayah? You have the audacity to say that to my face? Just because I aborted your baby? Why won't you understand my situation? Because of this small mistake? We shall see who will continue living with you!" The sound of wailing and anger echoed throughout the house. He heard everything but chose to ignore her. She stormed into her room and swiftly dialled Adam's number. It has been days since he last called her. It was so unlike him. She burst into new set of tears when he answered the call. 'Adam... he... he divorced me. He asked me to leave his house immediately. Please, please come get me..." 'He has divorced you?" Adam cuts in before she was done with her horseshit. Adam laughed. His laughter was light, and laced with a hum of amusement at the matter. 'Hidayah, why would you make that mistake? Why would you push him to the wall to actually divorce you?" With that, he ended the call. Few moments, his messages bombarded her phone. ‘Why would you make that mistake?' ‘Did you actually believe that I'll marry you?' ‘I was after your body after all and now that it has been used, I don't need it anymore.' ‘And to top things up, you carried a child in you and aborted it. So what use would you be of? ‘I'm looking for young, sweet 16 girls that I will dis-virgin myself, not some old used rag.' ‘You better stop contacting me because I did what I did to hurt you for what you did to me for getting married and giving Ahmad the chance and falling in love with you. Therefore, I had to avenge and I've succeeded.' ‘You better look for a solution for yourself.' For one second she could have sworn her heart stopped beating. She let out a loud shriek and collapsed on the cold tiles. She never thought Adam could do that to her. With trembling hands, she picked up her phone from the floor and dialled his number but it wasn't going through. He has blocked her. She threw the phone away and collapsed, sobbing uncontrollably. What was the use of her life now that she has lost both men? To top things up, she aborted her baby, with her own hands. She has never regretted something like that. Now Ahmad has settled to add another wife. She'd rather die than to watch her husband marry another woman. Ahmad closed his eyes tightly, listening to her crying over some loser that didn't even want her since at the beginning. He has never shown compassion for someone like Hidayah at that moment. All he wanted was to open the door and hug her, console and tell her he wasn't going to add another wife but he can't. The deed has been done. Ahmad heard her scream followed by a loud crash of glass. He swiftly barged in and dragged her away from the broken glasses. He engulfed in a firm embrace. 'Have you lost your mind?" She let out a loud shriek, hitting his chest. 'Leave me alone! Haven't you found the one you love? Aren't you getting married? Is it my fault that I tried to give myself to the wrong person? Is it my fault that I blindly aborted our baby? Can't someone make a mistake and later regret what he has done? Why are you doing this to me?" By the time Hidayah was done talking, her body was trembling. It scared him but he pretended as if he didn't give a damn about her situation. He freed her and got to his feet. 'That's not my problem. You were the one that told me you have someone now. And if you want me to divorce you, I'll do it, without a second thought." He knew Adam wasn't going to settle with Hidayah, never. He has met multiple guys like him and he was even astonished that they went that far in their relationship without anything happening between them. 'But for one thing I know, you will not kill yourself and leave me to face the consequences of such sinful act because definitely I will be questioned for your death. And if you keep hurting yourself, I will call Ummah and what would that be for you? And to make things more complicating, you aborted my baby and cheated on your lawfully, islamically wedded husband now you're attempting to kill yourself? What would you tell Allah when you kill yourself, hidayah? Here's a piece of advice, it's better you repent and seek for Allah's refuge first if you want to die then you can go to a highway and wait for a truck to gladly smash you. I don't care, it's your call." Ahmad left her there completely broken and shattered. She stared at his retreating back as though she would faint. He went to his room and settled down on the edge of his bed. He massaged his temple and winced uncontrollably. Ahmad felt the urge to get up and go console her, assure her that everything was going to be alright. Tell her that he loves her so much and he promised to stay with her no matter what and love her unconditionally. But Layla's words always ring a bell in his head. ‘There will come times that he'd feel sorry for her to the extent that he'd feel like telling her the truth about everything but he has to wait a little bit longer. Because if he stopped there, Hidayah might end up plotting another idiotic scheme or think that what she did wasn't something to bother about.' He took a deep breath. It would be hard for his mind to be in pain when his body was relaxed. He just had to wait longer, make sure that she's hurt to the extent that she'd come crawling back to him.