Chapter 22

Hours past by in a blur. How quick the hours had past. Or perhaps it was because today wasn't just any ordinary day, it was Ahmad's big day. The day she threaded, more than the day she got married to him. She had her palms clammed under her chin as she thought of how things would be after the wedding. Would he even still consider her as his wife. Because by the way he was treating her lately, even after she had tried to make things right, it would be a miracle if he actually still have some respect for her. She bite her lower lip, her head feeling as though it would split into two. She rubbed her temples but the headache persisted. She tried to tell herself nothing was going to happen as she felt her heartbeat race. She still had that fantasy dream in her mind but what clouded her mind more was the fact that her husband was adding a second wife in less that seven hours. It made her mind to engulf with negative thoughts. A solemn tear fell down her cheek; her body locked calm compared to how tangled her mind was. Though her vision was blurred by her tears, Hidayah still managed to look around his room. She had been in there for the past one hour after she had prayed. She waited for him, having no clue of where he went to that early morning. The tears didn't fail to spill out as she thought about the possibilities. Another woman would be in control of him now--- they weren't the same because Ahmad loves Layla, and she loves him back. They were so into each other. It would be hard for hidayah to come between such strong bond. As more tears came, more thoughts whirled through her head. She buried her face with her trembling hands. Her soul had been swept away; emotion strangling it whole. Ahmad sauntered in, showing the brightest smile he could possibly offer. Her head shifted in his direction, and he flashed her a grin. Her heart did a backflip as her stomach seemed to rise to her throat, causing a painful lump of anger. She averted her gaze briskly and continued with what she has become an expert in doing, crying. He didn't utter a word to her nor did he ask why she was crying. It was obviously because today he'd finally marry the love of his life, the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with and find peace from her. When hidayah wasn't going to get her way with him, she left the room. It pained her to sit there, watching him pace around as he receives numerous phone calls. She entered her room, same time her phone was ringing. Swiftly, she answered the call. 'Hidayah, get up now and take your bath. Make sure the house is sparkling clean. And ummah specifically asked me to inform you that you should be in your best behaviour, Hidayah. You do not want to be on his bad side or ummah's. And you better not show any sign of misery or dejection to the people coming to your house today." Hidayah listened to her elder sister ranting to her just as she teared up more. 'And don't even try to cause any commotion, Hidayah-" The fact that Hidayah had no one on her side and she had no firm friends, only the ones that know how to gossip about other people's wealth or marriage. With a jelly-like legs, she got to her feet and sauntered into the bathroom to take a shower. At least taking a shower reassures her senses with its water-hug, warm and cozy. She took her time in the bathroom before sauntering out and pampered her skin with her usual lotion before moving to her closet. She picked out a skirt and blouse white lace with pink patterns and silver stones shining on it. The skirt and blouse hugged her skin as soft petals, its hue the many pinks of a rose garden. She did a very light makeup and tied her head gear. Hidayah stood before the mirror, looking at herself and admiring how beautiful she looks. She did a little twirl, thinking as though she was the new bride to be. She looked beautiful. She heaved a sigh as she looked at herself one last time before averting from the mirror. She left her room and descend downstairs to the kitchen to make breakfast. As she cooked, her mind kept wondering off to her fantasy dream where she got intimate with Ahmad. She couldn't decide which part she loved the most; how he laid kisses against her neck while his hands explored her body or the way he kissed her, long, deep, wanting... Hidayah paused, clenching her tummy--- the butterflies came in full force. Everything still felt so real to her. And had it been he wasn't getting married that day, she would've tried to seduce him and get her fantasy dream to come true. Hidayah heaved a sigh and shook the thought away, despite that fact that it was still lingering in her mind. She continued cooking, not actually knowing it was real. Just that she was in deep sleep due to the days she had skipped sleeping. She wrapped up with everything and arranged it at the dining area. She settled down on one of the dining chairs and served herself. She took a forkful of golden yam to her mouth and bite on it. She chewed as if she was forced to. She hadn't eaten properly in days. Whenever she tried, she failed to. She always gets a bitter taste whenever she tried eating. And his thoughts come crashing in her head, making her to lose the bit of appetite she had left. She exhaled sharply, playing with her food absent minded. Ahmad walked in. He paused, taking in her dressing and her make up from her face to her petite body. Hidayah was a beautiful lady, no matter what she was wearing or how she looked. She was beautiful from the depth of her eyes. Her eyes; it always captures his heart and soul whenever he meets them. He stared at her adoringly, desire burning his tongue. He cleared his throat, making her to jerk her head up to get a quick glimpse. He was dressed in one of his newest kaftaans. It made him look ten times handsome than he was. She heaved a sigh when she realized he was the one. He swallowed a lump when he observed how she looked at him, terrified. For the first time that day, he felt bad for her, for how he has been treating her. Her face was all sort of gloomy and misery. He took a deep breath, his eyes welled up but he would never let them fall, not before her. 'Aren't you going to wish me well?" He tilted his head, waiting for an answer or a fire back. Hidayah was now hard to be predicted. One time she's all silent and gloomy, the next she's fiery and enraged. She heaved a sigh. 'I pray for a happy, healthy, and prosperous marriage for you." She said, losing all sorts of hopes. She knew she had lost him long ago, it just took time for her to realize that. He approached her as she got to her feet. She stood there, head ducked while she fiddled with her fingers. The pain had already eaten her up to the extent of losing all her energy to fight him. His arms wrapped around her comfortably and immediately a great tremor over took her. She couldn't hold the heart break any longer, her grief poured out in a flood of uncontrollable tears. She was in so much pain that she felt it stabbing her in her chest. She couldn't bare to lose him to another woman. 'Please, please, you shouldn't abandon me when you get married to her... I know that you certainly love her and you don't love. And the circumstance we got married. But... please don't degrade me just because you've finally gotten someone you love..." Hidayah was sobbing uncontrollably as she hugged him tighter. He reaches down to cup her chin up, his fingers warm against her skin. He used a tissue and wiped the tears from her cheeks and smiled. His behaviour gave every indication of an open heart. 'C'mon, you've done your makeup so perfectly, why would stand here and spoil it with your tears? Do you want our relatives to look at you and think you're weak and miserable because I'm adding a second wife?" He muttered softly, stroking her back. Hidayah shook her head gently, lowering her gaze but he raised her chin up again to meet her eyes. 'That's my girl. Enough with the tears, okay?" He gently pressed a soft kiss on her forehead. The gesture was so affectionate. He gave her another long and affection embrace before stepping back. If he didn't let go, he might lose himself. He motioned her to sit down and he sat beside her. He took deep breathes, almost like he was running out of air. 'Are you alright?" She asked worriedly, placing her hand on his shoulder. He looked at her. 'I think I get a heart attack everything time I am with you. My heart skips beats and races a mile a minute when I feel your touch." He teased and winked at her. Hidayah covered her mouth. She smiled for the first time in a while. His smile widens when he caught a glimpse of her now glowing face. 'Was that an earthquake or did you just shake my entire world in a second with your smile?" He said, softly and gave her thigh a gentle squeeze. Hidayah took a forkful of her breakfast to avoid making eye contact with him or let him see more of her smiles. He let out a soft chuckle at her silly act. He was gratified to see her smile. They did the dishes afterwards and settled down in the living room. He turned on the tv and changed it to something they would both enjoy. Hidayah kept wondering why he didn't mention he was leaving. And it was past 10 am already. 'Aren't you getting ready for the Nikkah? Is it not yet time?" She asked, softly. He shook his head. 'Uh- not yet. The wedding nikkah is after Zuhr." She simply nodded her had and turned her head to what they were watching. He reaches close to loop his arms around her waist, lying his head on her laps. Hidayah didn't stop him, instead she ran her hand through his soft hair and smiled. He closed his eyes and soon, he drifts into a comfortable nap. She looked down and fixed her eyes on his side burn, feeling all sorts of mixed pain. Deep down in her heart, she doesn't want to lose Ahmad but things had already slipped out of her hand. She couldn't do anything about it. Not when she clearly knew that he loves Layla--- not her. Hidayah rested her head on the sofa and began crying, silently. She initiated mumbling heart touching words to him. 'You're the only one who I wouldn't mind losing sleep for, the only one who I can never get tired of talking to, and the only one who crosses my mind constantly throughout the day. You're the only one who can make me smile without trying, bring down my mood without the intention to and effect my emotions with every actions of yours. I can't explain with just words how much you mean to me, Ahmad. I wish I didn't start our relationship the way I did. I wish I didn't involve another man in our marriage life. I wish I didn't abort our baby. I regret all my acts... but its too late. I'm losing you to another woman. And... I can't do anything about it." She loves him and wanted to be with him, but she also wanted to get over him and neither was happening. Ahmad had woken up shortly before she started pouring out her heart to him. He kept his eyes closed and restrained himself from getting up and embracing her. He also wanted to tell her how he felt about her but that wasn't part of his plan for now, not until she had completely learned her mistake. Soon, she went silent and fell asleep. He hugged her closer and carried on with his nap. Hidayah woke up before him. She looked at him, his head was still on her laps. He looked so peaceful sleeping, it made her heart soften. She smiled but--- it was almost noon. Slowly yet quickly, she gently placed his head on a pillow and stood there, staring at him. A part of her wanted to let him keep sleeping till he was late but another part of her voiced out to wake him up. He was still getting married whether he was late or not, anyways. She paced around the living room until it was past noon. She paused and fixed her eyes on him. How was he still sleeping? Oh why was she even amused when he spends all his time in the night on calls with Layla? She looked at the wall clock again. If she didn't wake him up at that moment, he'd definitely be late for the nikkah. After so much debate, hidayah gave up the fight between her heart and her brain. With gentle nudge and taps, she woke him up. 'You're going to be late for the Nikkah." She muttered softly. He sat up, amused by not just how long he slept, but by hidayah's innocent act. He never knew shed be that kind to wake him up for that reason. He nodded his head as he thanked her. He got to his feet and ambled to his room. Ahmad performed ablution and came out. He changed into a new set of kaftaan. He looked dashing to the point where you had to look twice when he walks by you. He sprayed his cologne and rounded up before picking up his suitcase and every other thing he'd need. He came down and met her sitting and staring at a blank space. She darted up when she saw him holding a suitcase. She let out a shaky breath and swallowed a small lump. He dropped the suitcase and pulled her in nice and tight. She felt his heart beating steadily. She closed her eyes and embraced him a little tighter before he pulled back. 'I have to leave now." She nodded her head, trying to give him a smile but failed. 'I wish you all the best." She prayed. He smiled and kissed her temple before taking his suitcase and leaving. She stared at the door he just followed out. Tears blurring her vision. She hugged herself. She still felt long after he let her go. It hurts to see him walk out, fully knowing where he was heading to-- to get his new wife. The one he genuinely loves, not her. And she knew all what he did that morning was to lighten up her mood, and she was grateful for that sweet gesture. It did calm some of her nerve. She did smile today, even laughed a little. Hidayah let out a shaky breath; she wished that would last forever. Just the two of them; go on date nights, cook together, bake cake or brownies, redecorate the house, tell each other how their day went, travel round the world together... so many things Hidayah wished she could do together with Ahmad. Even if Layla was in the picture. She just wanted his love and attention. But like he had told her before... no free rides anymore. She had to earn it. But how? Hidayah spend half of her day with that stalking thought. She was so carried away despite the fact that her sister Nafisa showed up to show moral support. 'Take a look at this; a new shopping mall just few blocks away from your house. And they're launching it in... 3-weeks. We obviously have to go and see what they can possibly offer, right?" Nafisa turned her phone towards hidayah's way, showing her the new boutique she was referring to. It looks nice, the interior was appealing and they were giving off 40 percent to the first fifty customers. That was exiting. But it didn't quiet lured her that much. Hidayah shrugged and moved her attention back to the book she was reading. Nafisa sighed out of frustration. She have tried all she could to cheer up Hidayah. Almost making her feel like she could tell Hidayah something that would actually change her entire miserable life but it wasn't her call. 'You do know that I've noticed you've been in the same page for the past 20 minutes, right? Ya Hidayah you're really letting your miserable side get the best of you--- that is so unlike you. C'mon, just because he's adding a second wife, that doesn't mean the world is ending. Or you're no longer his wife." Hidayah had been stuck in page 34, staring at it as though she'd find a solution to her problems in that specific page. She still had her eyes on the page even when Nafisa kept talking about whatever it was she was blabbering about. She wasn't interest. She slammed the book close and got to her feet. 'Where're you going now?" Nafisa asked but hidayah shrugged her shoulders, walking away. That whole day, he didn't call or text her. It made her anxious to the point she felt the urge to call and hear how he was and why he haven't called her throughout the day. She checked her phone apprehensively, as though a call or at least a text message from him would pop up on her screen. It was already past 10 in the night. With every passing minute, it made her feel more uneasy. She faced the ceiling of her bedroom and closed her eyes. She took deep breaths, her eyes remained closed. She needn't to cry about this and kept giving him benefit of doubt. He must've definitely gotten carried away by the crowd; their relatives, friends, well wishers. His new wife... Her heart thudded by the slight thought of Layla being in her husband's arms. She felt a small lump in her throat but ignored it. Nothing was going to possibly make her cry tonight. She was done crying for today. Her phone chimed and she almost fell off the bed when grabbing her phone. With trembling hands, hidayah read his text message. ‘Are you okay? I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to come see you again. Hope you're fine. If you need anything, you can call or text. Good night.' Hidayah bite her lower lip to stop the tears from flowing. She took in a sharp breath and let it out. At least he texted her at the end. ‘I'm okay. Good night and my regards to her.' She dropped the phone afterwards and hugged her knees to her chest.