Chapter 24

Weeks passed by in a blur. How astonishing it was that he had deserted her that long. It went from just one month to two months. Can she even still call herself a wife? Can she tolerate this any longer? Hidayah closed her eyes and grimaced; Her morning sickness was day and night. Whatever she ate comes out almost immediately after she has eaten. She was starting to get impatient about it. She cried, everyday. Not because of his absence, but because of the sickness she'd been going through for days now. Her eyes were fixed on the tv in front of her but her thoughts were far away from what was actually going on. Suddenly, the nausea clawed at her throat, and she tried to force down the bile, but it was too late. She scrambled up and hurriedly entered the guest toilet in the living room. Chunks of partially disgusted chicken spewed out of her coughing, choking mouth. Her stomach kept on contracting violently and forcing everything up and out. Her face was white and dripping bile, sweat and tears. The pungent stench invaded her nostril and she heaved even though there was nothing left to go. The world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. The taste. The smell. Everything was just gone. She paused trying to hold back the strange feelings rumbling inside her but she couldn't. A lone tear traced down her cheek, and just like that, the floodgates opened. So many tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down her face. Her chin trembled as if she was still a small child. She breathed heavier than she ever had before. She was gasping for air that simply wasn't there. Her throat burned forming a silent screams. She crawled back to the living room and laid on the soft carpet, breathing in and out till she was stable again. Slowly, she opened her eyes and sat up. She looked around, still feeling a bit light headed. Standing up to her feet, Hidayah thought; After the long weeks of being so alone, the pain had started to ebbed. She thought she would feel knives in her back forever, the long blades slicing into such sensitive flesh. There were days her brain felt electrocuted, so violently defocused and the pain, the emotional pain was so all encompassing she simply existed as a matter of will power. They say you come out of these things stronger, and she guessed that was true, but you come out wiser too. She still have her loving heart, she's proud to say. She still had her idealism and courage. She still took forwards leaps wether she could see the ground or not. But this heart, it's not for everyone, it's not for the ones who threw the knives forgiven though they are. She wiped her cheeks every few seconds, staring keenly at a blank space. She had forgotten how to think straight. One time, she confesses her love for him to her heart and the next, she was declaring about giving up on him. She felt trapped; like she was suffocating in the midst of her escape. It made shiver creep through her body. Hidayah stood before the cake she baked. A smile find its way to her lips. Hands on her waist; she was proud of herself. She loved baking. She was always in her own world whenever she was baking a cake, you could see her building new worlds in her imagination as she whisked and measured. It was as if she choreographed freedom of her actions, free yet orderly, did the same for her brain. And so as she made the cake, she would often smile and quickly write a few notes in her phone. Baking was hidayah's way to pass the gloomy days. She let the cake cool to off before icing while she went through her phone for daily updates. She scrolled through the gossips, latest news and what not. It didn't quite impressed her. She never fancied reading other people's problems or stalking other people's life--- well-- she did, when her husband was adding a second wife, but, that was it. Hidayah scoffed but smiled; she remembered the days she actually thought of committing suicide because of that. Sure she was still in great pain, but it has started to diminished. She made Dua, even at the times she thought everything has been decided and nothing can be done. It helped her a lot. Though she wasn't completely healed, she felt less hurt. The only bruise left was her husband being absent in her life. The thoughts suddenly crashed and the little joy she had faded. Her eyes twitched. Her breathing became light and her mouth gaped. Her world came crashing down on her. With trembling hands, she stared at the picture her husband just shared on his WhatsApp status. It was not just a picture, it was a life wrecking photo. Her heart pounded and her mind churned. He stared at Layla adoringly while she blabbered about something. They looked so in love and unbothered. They were standing before Cora Pearl at Henrietta Street in London. Hidayah suddenly took on a pale look, as if she'd been painted with white -- even her lips were barely there. Then with one step backwards she crumpled like a puppet suddenly released of their strings. ** Ahmad placed his phone back in his pocket after he had noticed hidayah had opened his post. A smile sneaks out the corner of his mouth at the thought of how she'd react after seeing his picture together with Layla in London. He had been back for the past two weeks and had been staying at their family house. Knowing fully well hidayah no longer visited, he never panicked of the thought of her finding out he was there. 'You have punished her enough, Ya Ahmad. I don't thinking moving this any more further is a good idea." Nafisa spoke. He looked at her, culpably considering he knew she was speaking the truth. It was time that he came clean with his wife. He knew that she was now in love with him after all. 'I think Nafisa is right, Noor. Hidayah had really changed to be honest. She's very calm now and delicate. No longer wayward, if I may say." Ummah agreed. He looked at his cousin. 'Could you just leave already? And don't forget to take pictures and videos of her for me please. And send them immediately. I want to see how she's doing now." Nafisa shook her head in disbelief. He wasn't going to listen to her was he. 'How long are you planing on taking this?" She asked and immediately took a pillow and threw it her way. 'Just do what I ask you to do." He commanded. She folded her arms and pursed her lips. 'Go now, Nafisa," ummah said, softly. Ummah turned her head to his direction after Nafisa had left. She gave him a sharp look and he knew what it meant. 'Ummah, I'm also tired of not being with her. You know I just have to make sure that she won't go back to her old self. And by the looks of it, she has repented. And I'll make things right. Besides, you helped me plot everything." He finished talking with a smirk. Ummah chuckled, her chuckle was light and laced with hum of amusement at his statement. It made her wonder how she actually let her children talk her into joining their shenanigans. 'Just make sure you do it before it's too late." Ummah said to him before heading to the kitchen to check on lunch. He rested his back on the sofa as he sighed. Ummah was right; he has to make things right before it's too late. Because there would be debts if things went south. What if she eventually stops loving him and demands for a divorce? Or what if she finds out what he has been doing and decides switch on him? What if she decides to stay with him but lose feelings? He sat there on the sofa, staring at the ceiling as the what ‘ifs' continued forming in his mind. Having thoughts about losing her made a shudder travel from his feet to his head. He tried to assure himself nothing was going to happen as he felt his heartbeat race. 'Noor," Ummah called out, softly. He looked at her. It's been long since she called that name. She only called him that when she needed a favor or when she's worried about him. 'It's better you go home to your wife than sit here and keep thinking about her. She needs you right now more than anything, and I know you need her too." Ahmad let out a shaky breath. He had suddenly lost the ability of speech. Where was he going to start from? From the part where he ignored her on purpose or abandoning her for so long? Or-- Out of nowhere they heard the sound of his ringing tone. It was a call from Nafisa. Why was she calling him after he only requested for pictures and videos? 'Ahmad, pick up. It might be an emergency." He answered the call and placed the phone on his ear. 'Ya Ahmad! That's it! She's dead--- we've killed -- I-- I came here and she's out cold on the kitchen floor..." Terror sucked the very breath from his mouth. His heart pounced in his ear as he scrambled up swiftly. 'What's happening, Ahmad?" Ummah asked, worriedly. 'It's hidayah--- she fainted." And with that, Ahmad grabbed his car keys and drove as fast as he could to the house. He met them both on the kitchen floor. Nafisa hugged her tight to her chest. 'She's not breathing." She cried out. Her face stained with tears. His pulse was beating in his ears, blocking out all other sound. He quickly scooped her up and hurried out to his car. As he drove fast, he tried to steady his breath and tried to calm the panic. But how could he calm down when he was the one that caused everything? He caused the pain, the panic, the torture--- depression and anxiety. Now he doesn't know whether she was still alive or not. Here they're in the ER, the doctors have just wheeled in hidayah. He paced around the room, waiting impatiently for the doctors to come out. He shuffled on his feet, praying for his wife's wellbeing. It has been barely two minutes but it felt like forever. And with each passing minute, Ahmad felt tormented. 'Ya Ahmad, I think you should sit down and relax--" Nafisa was as worried as he is, but she was more calm and collected. 'What happened?" He questioned. 'I... I just went in and saw her collapsed on the kitchen floor..." It made Nafisa wondered what would've happened if she hadn't visited that day. 'Was there any sign of drugs around the house or anything?" Ahmad mouthed, he knew she was capable of doing that. Nafisa shook her head. 'It was just her." He clenched his fist angrily. He was mad at himself. Disappointed. If it wasn't for his selfish acts, Hidayah wouldn't be in this condition. What if nobody had showed up at the house? He hated himself for that. Thirty minutes later, one of the doctors came out. He had Hidayah's chart in had. 'Good afternoon. You're her husband?" The doctor spoke, he looked uneasy. It sent chills down his spine by the doctors facial expression. 'Yes... is-- is my wife okay?" He stuttered. 'Follow me to my office please." The doctor led the way. Terror washed over him, raising the fine hairs on the back of his neck. He followed the doctor into his office and settled down. The doctor silently read through her chart again. Examining each and every result. 'Could you please tell me what is wrong with my wife? Is she alright?" Ahmad was losing his patience. He was getting out of breath. For real that time. Not when he teased Hidayah for losing his breath every time he was with her. Today, he wasn't joking. He was losing his breath. 'What is making her to worry or stressing her, please? Her blood pressure had gone so high to the extent where she almost lost the baby. She's still at the verge of losing the pregnancy if proper care isn't being taken." The doctor kept on ranting but Ahmad had long stopped listening to him when he mentioned the pregnancy. A smile appeared on his lips and his heart lit up with joy. 'My wife is pregnant?"