第三章

But either way, no one has seen the girl in years. Like my cousin, Rosco. My mouth tilts at the thought of our last interaction just a few days ago. My ‘presumably' dead cousin, now a biker named Knight. How small is the earth we claim as our home? Squinting my eyes, I bend my neck to pay close attention to the rustic chair I'm currently painting into life, as the cold air seeps through my jersey. I twirl my brush, making sure I get the perfect curl around the chairs back. I would need to add in some gold, yellow and black, with a few touches of white mixed in to get the perfect antique look I was wanting to portray. My finger shakes as I use my tiny brush to get the corner end of the chair perfect to my naked eye. Yes, it all comes down to options. Decisions, decisions. The wind blows my crouched, awkward form as my lips tug at how every day is a new day, making way for a fresh start. Even us, criminals, evil killers, the tortured ones, get that fresh start. The beginning of something new, the chance to choose different. It is our own fault we remain the same. We still pick that gun up, we still smile, relishing in that sickness we are born with for the taste of death, for the taste of ending someone's life. And come Sunday morning, like this morning at 9am we go to church. We are the ones who pray to god and return vigilantly to mass confessing our sins and asking god if we repent will he forgive us, but in actual reality we are the worst of the disbelievers, we are the sinners, the ones who are convinced they have the authority to take a life, to play god. The truth is when we have that gun in our hands, we feel like we are god, we feel powerful. It is the reason we allow our anger to lead to where it goes. It is the excuse we tell ourselves when we beat another person because they didn't fit in with our plans. And I, Aliyana Capello am a sinner just like the rest of them. I am just one of the few who acknowledge that I am better because of it. Free, because I have not strayed from my path, I have not craved goodness as I have craved the love of a man, the feeling of want. I have not become so weak that I have forgotten who I am and what I am meant to be. Nor have I forgotten the blood that runs through my veins is not just belonging to the Italian Famiglia but Bratva, a strong Russian syndicate, that many fear. I am not just a member of theirs, but I am a member of the Vasiliev clan and it is time I started acting like one. For a long time, I wanted to fit in with the Famiglia, and that want blindsided me from the other part of my heritage. My mother chose to remain a member of the Bratva, and for years I thought it was to keep my sister safe but I realize now it was more than that. She didn't want to abandon who she was; her identity was more than her marriage. Her love for herself outweighed her desire to please my father. A lot can happen when your eyes are open, when you can finally see, only then you understand it all. By then you are finally free to feel and to purge all that anger, hate, pain and love out. It is only once you have finally stopped and understood that life isn't about what other people want. It is about you, what you want, who you want and I don't want a man who chooses someone over me. I want a lover who is unafraid of reason, who stands tall in those things that don't make sense and who isn't scared away by the thought of loving me. And I deserve that feeling of completeness. And right now, that lover is me. "I say we ditch the whole formal vibe and do a retro theme. Ky would love it, you can get that girl Diane to organize it." "I'm not feeling Retro. When I agreed to this Ky, said small. Now, I'm sensing big." "True, but we not havin' the party just for you, your birthday is just an excuse to have a party, things are pretty boring recently." "If we are going for Retro we should have it at Cristen, the place looks akin to a 60's club." My new favorite place. When Deno and Marco asked us to frequent the place, I admit I was lost and didn't know what to believe. Whether I could trust the Misfits, I'm still not sure. Nobody wants to admit when the people who are supposed to be our most trusted allies turn out to be strangers. Even when the answers are staring you right in the face. But a few months ago, that all changed when I had to face facts. If Romero, Michel or Gabriel killed Ren, what was the reason and did it mean that I would be next? We all learned to fight together, shoot, aim and leave no fingerprints unless you are framing someone. Everything we have done up until this point has been all of us. However, I learned a bit more than them when it came to smelling a rat. It was something my father instilled in me from a young age. Because it might just save my ass one day. And since I started frequenting Cristen, I smelled a big rat, every time I stepped foot in that place. "How much longer? If I am going to be stuck like this for another half-hour at least give me a darn chocolate or somethin'," Diamond whines from the deck. Her hair drapes down her back like a golden satin cloth. "I can HEAR you nagging like a banshee all the way from the kitchen. I brought your darn chocolate," Kylie walks in to the backyard, wearing a yellow and blue bikini that does wonders for her breasts. The same breast that looks a cup size bigger than I remember it. Her body is tall, but where Diamond is a barely there 17-year-old girl still growing into her womanhood, Kylie Bray is all woman. Her hips are on the curvy side, but not too much that makes her take the hour glass shape. Her breasts are small but full, and her long legs that are currently shining and dark shoulder length hair that drowns in health brings no doubt that she is in fact a pure-bred rich girl. The tray she is currently balancing with cocktails I know has more alcohol than it does anything else, proves why she is genuinely the best person I know by far. "If this drink doesn't add some zing to your ming, Liya, I don't know what will. And stop staring at my boobs. I'm going to think you want to touch them or somethin'." Diamond laughs when my cheeks go pink as my own laugh comes out in a soft giggle. "Do you wanna touch my boobs Liya? I would touch yours if you want." Kylie's make shift sultry voice has me splattering my paint on the floor as I put it down and Diamond half falling off her chair, I was currently painting for the last 2 hours. "I leave you girls for an hour and you turn gay," Deno walks to the back yard from the side of the house. His cream chino's and loose shirt is not the attire I saw him in this morning. Kylie winks at me as she puts the tray down on the side table near Diamond and pulls her long jersey over her bikini. "What on earth are you ever talking about? Since when did a woman offerin' another woman a feel of her chest considered gay? This is the 21st Century, boob touching is a thing now." Deno smiles, and taking the bait walks closer toward us, "And does this ‘thing' extend to say, a man like myself?" Diamond laughs louder, teasing "Yeah, Ky-Ky, does it extend to a man like Deno." Kylie's face turns shell shocked and I can't take my poor friend lost for words as her big brown eyes remain in a frozen state. Dumb founded is the correct thing to say. "What the fuck is going on here? Kylie, it is 4-degrees, why are you half naked?" Vincent questions Kylie as he walks in. It is laughable how small the world actually is. The guy is cute, with light brown hair and sharp Texan farm boy features coated in olive skin. Kylie describes him as, rough and ready. His Italian heritage hints in his slightly bent nose, that Kylie insist is straight and his long eye lashes she swears is masculine. Deno rolls his hazel gaze and scratches his neck before slipping his hands into his slacks. The entire pose is chilled and relaxed as he gives his attention to his cousin with a grin plastered on his clean-shaven jaw. "I thought I said stay in the car. The ladies were having a private moment. Now you ruined it with your mouth." "We need to leave, Marco just called, said it was an asap," Vincent says the one word I don't like to hear. I am not sure whether it is his warning tone or the fact that it is only 11 in the morning. But the hidden meaning behind his words has my shackles on high alert. Something is going on, question is what? "Well, ladies, let us get to it." Deno walks over to my messy designated work area, and gives me a kiss on the cheek. Kylie makes a terrible hand sign that involves her mouth, tongue and fingers. Deno thankfully doesn't see it and turns to leave, but stops, "Before I go, your sister is having dinner at the Manor TOMORROW evening and has decided to stay the weekend. Illaria and Natasha don't get along, so we decided to skip the parents and make it for the siblings only. You would need to join. Kylie and Diamond, you are of course both welcome as well." "I can't. My momma wants Diamond and I to haul ass to Liston from the 20th." "Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find us. Tell Sienna I said Hi if she decides to join you ladies. Haven't heard from her in a while." "Will do sugar. Though I highly doubt I would be seeing Sienna. That girl got a lot of explaining to do once she decides to show her face. You take care now. Bye Vincent." I don't say a thing when the octave of her voice drops as emotions clog her throat when Vincent's name leaves her lips. I do pay attention to Diamond's eye roll. "Yeah, you too," Vincent says leaving without a backward glance. He walks so fast as if he can't stand another minute in Kylie's company. I wonder why? "Why were they so eager to leave?" Diamond voices out the same thing I was thinking a minute ago. "Who cares, let's drink. Then I will get into position and Liya honey, when you paint my ass, make it pop," Kylie suggests as she lifts the orange and red cocktail to her full lips winking at me. 我把屁股挨著她的，坐在甲板長椅上，長椅的蓋子已經不見了，然後跟著凱莉，黛安蒙也做了同樣的事，從托盤上掰下一塊巧克力。「所以，妳見過那個母夜叉了嗎？」 「母夜叉？」我問凱莉，甜甜的酒精飲料順著我的喉嚨流下去。「對啊，甜心，卡米拉·莫雷蒂？馬可未來的妻子？因為我見過了，而且如果你想在那婊子面前活過這個週末，妳就需要知道所有的細節。」 我喝了一大口飲料，黛安蒙也一樣。「妳幹嘛老是管那些人的閒事，凱？妳沒從塞巴斯蒂安那件事學到教訓嗎？妳媽不得不把妳弄出來，坦白說，這根本是浪費時間，妳本來可以準備考試的。C 的分數可不值得炫耀。」黛安蒙聳聳肩，用她那南方口音友善地提醒凱莉。「如果妳老是提醒我那件事，我就學不到任何教訓，黛安蒙。而且我媽根本沒把我弄出來，我只是靠自己說服自己脫身的。」 「我記得那次對話不是這樣進行的，凱。我記得亨特阿姨插了一句話，向塞巴斯蒂安解釋妳的嘴巴似乎沒有過濾器。」 「才沒有咧，」凱莉提高嗓門否認，而我明智地喝著飲料，保持沉默。黛安蒙聳聳肩，噘起嘴，彷彿在說「隨便妳啦，凱」，然後喝了一大口雞尾酒，她可憐兮兮地斜眼看著凱莉，挑起眉毛，放鬆地抿著嘴唇。「如果妳這麼說，凱。只是記得下星期天妳在教堂裡向上帝祈求寬恕時，應該請祂幫助妳停止撒謊。」事情發生得很快，前一刻凱莉還坐著怒視黛安蒙，下一刻她就猛地把飲料摔在地上，草莓和橙子黛基里酒濺了滿地，而黛安蒙已經跑到泳池邊，手裡拿著一個空杯子，杯子裡的大部分東西都灑在地上了。我笑了，笑聲很輕，很容易就笑了出來，即使在這寒冷的日子裡也是如此。很快就要過聖誕節了，這是我第一個沒有任的聖誕節。很快我就要見到那個在馬可眼中比我更好的人了。在不知不覺中，我再過兩個星期就滿 20 歲了。而一個全新的十年就要開始了。