Chapter 16 : Outgrow

| Outgrow | We live life the way we want it to be. The way how it uses to be. We want it to be wonderful as it is. But we know that we can't make it perfect. Life always offers us the best, it's just how we handle it. I know God always has a purpose for everyone. And I know he will not give us problems if we can't surpass them. As time goes by, my heart started to outgrow feelings that I never imagine that I would feel—the feeling of being in love. Indeed, we can't talk over something that we can't stand. My school performances were fine, but this feeling… it's not. I always ask myself, how did this happen? Why that fast? I fear. I fear because I'm not certain about it and I'm not ready for it. I fear being left in the dark, confused about what to do. I fear being rejected. I fear the thought that this is… love. "You're getting slimmer, Becca," Reina uttered. I sighed and reply "yeah." These past few days, it seems like I lost my appetite because of overthinking. "What happens to chubby-is-the-new-sexy-thing?" "I don't know but I think I like the way it changes." She sipped in her cup of drink and narrow her eyes. "It suits you. But why? Is it because you're in love? I shook my head as I flip another page of the book I'm reading. "Okay. Deny it as much as you want, but you can't fool me. I've been there and done that. But in my case, love came the wrong time." "Hmm. It's because he cheated?" I asked, and she nodded. "Anyway, I already saw that Linus, and he's handsome, ha. No wonder why you like him—oh, love him," she said, mocking. I don't know how she knew or where did she saw Linus. But knowing Reina, she can always find a way. I closed the book and put it on the table. "Fine. I like him, but love? I'm not." "Linus is a rich guy, and I think he's not that he's just rich—I think he's more than that. I don't know but it's a gut," she said. "I don't know. It's not that I'm going to tell what I feel to him, anyway." AFTER CLASS, I went straight to work. Linus is still working here. We're still in the same place, but we never talk to each other after that night. He will just see me exist when he gets the customer's order. It seems like I've done something wrong—but I don't care. This is for the better. So that I can get over him. These feelings need to fade—vanish. Just like the past few days, since Linus began to work here, the café is always full that we even run out of stacks. Linus is famous, I admit. He's a fighter. Strong, bold, undefeated, hot, attractive—of course, he'll get every girl's attention. that every time they see him, they scream ‘Linus be mine,'… etcetera. And I will not let myself be one of them. If hiding this feeling is the best way, then so be it. It's better that way than those sick fangirls find out that the commoner like me is in love with their idol. Besides, I want to have a peaceful College life, so I need to avoid those. Some movies have this theme where a commoner fell in love with a popular guy and was bullied by those rich, sick fangirls of the guy—which I never imagine myself to be involved in. I don't want attention and as much as possible, I will avoid it. If distancing myself from him is a better way, then I will do it, and it's a must. Next month will be our break—a one-week school break. Reina and I decided to visit home. "Two cinnamon rolls and two mocha caramel frappes at table six," Linus said that make me gasp as I hear his voice. I never take a glance in his direction and just make the orders. It's not that we're close, anyway. I place the plate of cinnamon rolls on the tray and the cups of frappe. I push the tray on his side and leave it that way and get back to my place. Kara on my side seems to know that something is happening between me and Linus, but I always denied it and end the topic shortly. There's no such easy thing. You need to learn from it to gain from it. I hate that I already included him in the list of my priorities. I don't know but I'm trying to forget and just let go. Just like when you hear a song that stunned you and you keep on replaying it until you get satiated to it.