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CHAPTER EIGHTY ROSE AMARA'S POV 'Maria…" 'Fine, fine. You were protecting me and whatever." 'I would do anything to make sure you're safe." 'I have no doubt, but don't cut me out of your life. I hate that." 'I'll try to be more present." 'As you should. Now, tell me all about you and Ethan." A deep sigh heaves out of my lungs. 'There's nothing to tell." 'What do you mean there's nothing to tell? There's so much tension between you two that it can be cut through with a knife." 'Have you seen the way he looks at me?" 'Like he wants to hate-fuck you, then slowly fuck you?" 'No, like he's erasing me." She stares at me incredulously. 'Whoa. You're hopeless." 'What?" 'You're such a great judge of character in mafia things, but you suck in the affection department, Rose." 'What is that supposed to mean? He really looks like he doesn't care." 'No, he doesn't. He just seems a bit heartbroken." "Because I said I would abort the baby, that wouldn't have happened if he hadn't switched my birth control pills. Who between us should be heartbroken?" 'He did that?" she murmurs. "Yes, so how about you give him some communication lessons?" 'That's such a dick move." "Repeat it for the people in the back." 'He must've really wanted the baby." 'Why would he?" 'You're the one who's supposed to know the answer to that question. He's your husband, after all." 'Don't you think I thought about it? But I keep drawing a blank. His type shouldn't even want a family." 'Why not? Even the most heartless people want families." "Not him, Maria…." I tRosel off as his words about his family's death hit me. He saw his own parents being murdered when he was only five. His only family since then were assassins who turned him into a killing machine. He's never actually had a family. Could that be why he yearns for one of his own? I never thought about it from that angle. It doesn't excuse what he did, but it explains his behavior. 'Just talk to him," Maria urges. 'Without your walls up." 'My walls aren't up." 'There—they just went up now. Try not to be defensive." 'But he's the one in the wrong." 'He is, there's no doubt about it. But is the murderous tension how you want it to be for the rest of your lives? Because the lack of communication can turn toxic way too fast. Ask me how I know." I rub her arm, recalling how she told me about her history with Karl. "But you're here now, and Karl proved he deserves you." 'Ethan didn't?" 'Not really." 'And fucking with your birth control pills doesn't get him any brownie points either." "Tell me about it." I swallow the lump in my throat. "Sometimes, I feel like he's so close, and other times it's like he's a shadow I can never grab hold of. I thought I was okay with it initially, but I'm far from okay now, Maria. I feel like a constant rollercoaster ride with no room to catch my breath. How can I trust him now?" 'Talk it out, Rose." She softens her tone. 'It's the only way for you to move forward." I nod even though I have no freaking clue how I should start that type of 'talk.' Maria interlinks her hand in my arm. 'Come on, spend some time with Arden. He came to me crying yesterday when he thought an alien took his auntie." 'Sorry about that." "Apologize to the little guy, not me. He'll probably forgive you if you let him play with you all day." We head to the living room and find Arden holding a bamboo sword and riding Ethan like a horse. He shouts as he fights the evil monster who is Karl. My heart clenches at the sight. It's Ethan's first time so carefree and smiling without calculation. It's a miracle that he can smile like that after witnessing the monstrous deaths of his parents. Even more miraculous, he can be so open with a kid. I don't know why I feel like something's moving in my chest at the view. 'Look at them." Maria's voice is filled with awe. 'Arden doesn't like people so easily, but he's already making Ethan his horse. He watched Tangled the other day, and the horse is his favorite character, so not anyone can be his horse." 'Ethan has a way of charming people. Seems that not even kids are immune." Maria smirks, flipping her hair. "Are you telling me that, or are you talking to yourself?" "Shut up." I hit her shoulder with mine, and she returns the gesture. I missed her so much. We spend almost the entire day with Maria, Karl, and Arden. My twin sister won't let me leave, saying she only sees me once in a blue moon and that it's the weekend anyway, so I should rest. I invite Zeth and Eya to eat lunch with us, but they will stay in their guarding spots, even when I order them. So I just get them takeout. Ethan and Karl spend most of the time playing with Arden or watching TV together. Before I know it, we're all sitting down for a late dinner after Arden passed out on the couch. Maria goes to carry him to bed, but Karl gently pushes her aside. 'I can carry him," she argues. 'I know you can, but he's gotten so big, so I'll do it." She tries to protest, but Karl places a kiss on her forehead, making her go speechless. My twin sister joins us in the dining room. She went all out and even prepared a Russian soup. 'Since when do you know how to cook?" I ask. 'I took classes. Why?" She turns to Ethan, who's sitting silently by my side. 'Is she still a hopeless cook?" 'More or less." 'Hey! I prepared you those pancakes and toast that time." 'Burnt pancakes and toast." 'You ate them." 'I had no choice. The non-burnt parts weren't so bad." He takes a sip of the soup, still not meeting my gaze. Maria stares between us and motions at him. I make a face at her, but that only widens her grin. Karl joins us after he places Arden in his room. 'Did he wake up?" Maria asks. "He didn't even stir. He played too much for his own good." Karl places a hand around Maria's shoulder and leans in to kiss her forehead before he sits down. I've always loved how he looks at her like she's the center of his world and everything else is an accessory. The world is gray, and she's the only one in color. Lowering my head, I dig into my soup to avoid watching them like a creep. I startle when my eyes meet Ethan's inquisitive ones. He's been watching me. But why? He pours a glass of wine and finishes half it in one go. 'Where in the United Kingdom are you from?" Karl asks him. 'London?" "Yes. I lived there most of my life, but I'm originally from Ireland." 'You don't sound Irish." Maria removes the fish bones and places the clean ones on my plate as if I'm a kid. 'I was Rosesed by an Englishman, thus the accent." "Karl lived in England for three years." Maria's voice drops with evident sadness. "He went to college there." Her husband grabs her hand over the table and strokes the back of it as he speaks. "Yeah, that's why I asked. I have a few English friends, and they're famous assholes." 'Really?" Ethan finishes his glass of wine and pours another. 'Who?" 'Aiden King and Cole Nash." 'The heirs to the King and Nash fortunes." 'You know them?" 'Everyone in England does. Their companies are everywhere like cockroaches." Ethan continues sipping from his wine, or more like gulping it down. 'I have a personal acquaintance with Aiden's father, Jonathan King." 'What type of acquaintance?" Maria asks. 'It's not the type to be brought up at family dinners." 'I know what you do, Ethan." She stares between the both of us. 'This is a judgment-free zone. I accept my sister and her other half the way they are." Ethan scoffs at ‘the other half' part, and I pinch his thigh under the table. He grabs my hand and gently pushes it away from his pants. My heart thuds as something hard and heavy clinks to the bottom of my stomach. It's the first time Ethan has rejected my touch. Usually, he would be the one all over me, teasing and making me squirm at Uncle River's dining table, and I'd be the one pushing him away. What happened just now? 'Rose!" 'Huh?" I stare up at Maria, unable to focus. 'Did you say something?" 'I was asking if you want a soda." 'I'm good." My gaze tRosels to Ethan, who's downing his third glass. I lean in to whisper, 'You'll get drunk." 'So?" "You…don't like being drunk." He said that he once said that he lowered himself more than a glass because being drunk distorts his thought process. 'Maybe I do." He barely spares me a glance as he pours himself another glass. By the end of the evening, he's well and truly drunk. Zeth and Karl must help me carry him to the back of the car. I hug Maria, who came out to see us off. "I will guard you for the next few days, so please don't say no. It'll make me feel at ease." 'And you'll visit more often?" 'I will." 'Fine." Then she whispers, 'Remember, talk about it. I almost lost Ash because we didn't sit down and talk, so don't repeat my mistake, Rose." I rub her back once before I let her go and get into the back seat. I wave at Maria, and she waves back as Karl spoons her from behind, removing his sweater and wrapping it around her shoulders.