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CHAPTER EIGHTY - FOUR ETHAN'S POV Miss Amber, I know you hate it when I call you that, but I need the distance right now to write this. The first time I met you, I thought you were just another spoilt mafia princess, but I found you to be a strict bean. You didn't let anyone tell you what to do and stood up for yourself. You didn't stop there and made it your mission to help those weaker than you, even if it meant going against people with more influence than you. Here's the thing—I didn't plan to get close or to learn about you as much as I have. My sole mission then was to use Nikolai's intel to watch my uncle's movements from afar. At one point, that mission started to blur. At one point, the only reason I looked forward to new days wasn't my grand revenge plan but you. The more time I spent with you, the harder you tore at my armor and engraved yourself deeper. The more I saw, the blurrier my purpose became, the more insignificant I felt. Watching you go after your goals without hesitation made me question my whole fvcking existence, and I hated that feeling. That was part of the reason I left. I woke up one morning and realized you didn't need me anymore. That you never have. You're too individualistic and independent, and having me by your side would've only hindered your main plan in the brotherhood. Leaving was not the best decision I'd made. It was probably the worst, but I wouldn't have realized how much you're an integral part of my life if I hadn't. I wouldn't have returned hell-bent on making you mine if I hadn't. It didn't matter how much you fought, Princess. I'd already gone over a thousand scenarios where you would be forced to marry me. My plan considering Rolan would've worked even if I didn't become Igor's son, but I chose that option just so you'd be my wife. Since then, I've been making one move after another to force you to stay with me. You became an obsession without whom I couldn't breathe or think. It crossed my mind that my actions were wrong, but I couldn't stop because that would mean losing you again, and I couldn't afford that. Switching the pills was another method to tie you to me so you wouldn't leave. I know that was wrong, but the thought of wrong or right didn't cross my mind initially. I realized I had reached the point of no return, and while hearing you say you'd get rid of our child hurt, I understand your decision entirely. I've forced you enough, so I won't do it anymore. If you want an abortion, I respect that. My godfather used to tell me I could be a danger to those I love, and I just had an epiphany, finally figuring out what his words meant. I don't care about people in general, but I become obsessive, toxic, and over the top when I do care. I'm not apologetic about it because, in my mind, I'm doing the right thing. It wasn't until I saw you this morning that I realized how dangerous I am to you. I hurt you, and there are no excuses for it. Last night, I decided to leave, and that's why I didn't stop. I couldn't. Every time I said I would, I remembered that it was the last chance I'd get to have you so close, so I kept going and going until you passed out. That's why I need to stop. Years ago, when I became overprotective of Godfather, I hurt him and the woman he loved. So now I'm stopping before I hurt you more than I already have. I'll kill Rolan and leave. Let's go back to England. I suggest joining a few of my colleagues in the various missions in the Middle East. Who knows? As long as there's adrenaline, I'll be fine. Undoubtedly, you'll do great whether Uncle River lives or dies. You have more balls than most of the men in the brotherhood, and it's their loss if they don't see it. Don't look for me. You won't find me. Thank you for making me feel like a man, not a shadow, even if you were forced into marrying me. P.S. Pharaoah is only threatening you with Maria because he knows you found out Aleksander is a woman. He'll be out for your blood unless you use your recent friendship with her to change his mind. Live well, Princess. Ethan ----- ROSE AMARA'S POV My tears haven't dried since I finished reading Ethan's letter. When I woke up this morning, groggy and so utterly sore, a smile grazed my lips at the recollections from last night. I couldn't stop grinning like an idiot over Ethan's inability to hold himself in. I was looking forward to talking to him today about everything—the baby, the marriage, our future together. Everything. I was even willing to divulge my attraction to him seven years ago, that it took so much self-discipline to stop myself from being with him even though I had a major crush on him. Back then, I kept my bottled-up feelings to myself because I was worried Dedushka would kick him out if he found out my intentions. I preferred to have him as a guard instead of losing him once and for all. At least that way, I could watch from afar and pretend we were together. That's why his departure hurt more than it should. He disappeared off the face of the earth before I had the chance to express my feelings. Now he's repeating it. I'm not entirely over the first time, but he did it again. The only difference is that he has yet to make plans to come back. A sob tears as I hold the letter to my quaking chest. My heart is breaking, shattering, and slowly vanishing. And the worst part is that the only person who can improve it is gone. Damn him. God damn him. How dare he leave me with just a letter? How could he? But you know what? I'm not the same Rose from seven years ago. I'm not the girl who put her pride above everything else and stomped on her heart. I'll find him this time, and he better be ready for the wrath I'll unleash on his ass. I try to get ready as fast as possible, even though I'm so sore it hurts to move. The remainder of him inside me, holding me, caressed, caressing me, brings a new wave of tears. Shaking my head, I finish putting a dress on and don't bother with makeup. On my way outside, I search the local news articles for anything fishy. There's no mention of Rolan being assassinated, which means it didn't happen yet. His death would cause an uproar in the media since he gets involved in many notorious business ventures. Eya stops before me, her eyes holding questions she's not voicing aloud. 'I need to find Ethan. Have you seen him this morning?" She shakes her head. "I don't care what you must do as long as you find him. I'll go ask Granduncle for backup." I'm marching to his office before she can reply. Anastasia is waiting near it, her brows drawn together, and she's wearing black slacks and a jacket. It's so rare for her to wear anything but dresses. She smiles upon seeing me but must sense something is wrong because she jogs toward me. 'Is everything okay, Rose?" 'It will be." 'Are we going to the company?" 'You go first, Ana. I'll join once I finish my business here." She swallows, her throat working, and a strange gleam passes in her eyes. 'Is there something you want to say?" 'I…I'm sorry." 'For what?" 'For everything. I love you, okay?" 'Love you, too, Ana." She wraps her arms around me and then retreats, not allowing me to see her face as she turns around and leaves. I frown at the weirdness of what just happened and contemplate following her. Still, I need more time to be occupied with everything Ethan has to focus on. Once this whole thing is over, I'll talk to her. My hand is on the doorknob when Hades's brooding presence stalks down the hall. I assume he's going to Uncle River, too, but he breezes past me. God damn it. Being treated as if I don't exist by Hades, of all people, hurts more than I'd like to admit. I release the doorknob and stride behind him. 'Wait." He halts and spins around, his expression blank. 'Do you need anything, Mrs. Amber?" "Yes, you need to stop treating me like a stranger." "Should've thought of that before you teamed up with a stranger against your brotherhood." 'Ethan is not a stranger, Hades. He's my husband." The truth behind those words hits me to the core. 'In that case." He nods, about to leave. 'I'm pregnant." That stops him, and his eyes narrow. "Another one for the show?" 'No. It's real this time." 'Congratulations," he grunts. "I don't need your half-assed congratulations, Hades. I need you by my side to protect Dedushka's bloodline." I'm going for a low blow by using his loyalty to my grandfather. Still, it's the only way to convince his mule personality. 'How about Ethan?" 'Ethan will be there, too. I don't expect you to be best friends, but try?" He grunts but says nothing. "For me?" I soften my tone. "Are you going to leave me alone amid the pack of wolves of the elite group?" 'Of course not." 'Then stop sulking." 'If that fvcker Ethan hurts you, I'll happily torture him all over again." "You might get the chance to do that as soon as I find him," I mutter. 'What do you mean?" 'He's off to kill Rolan and disappear." Hades clicks his tongue. "That idiot always did things without returning to the inner circle." "Let me ask Uncle River for backup, then we will formulate a plan." 'You want me to go with you?" "Thank you, but I can at least ask Uncle River for things alone." 'I'll be downstairs," he says, and I nod. This is it .......