BONDS THAT BINDS

Lena's POV When we went back to camp, it was almost dawn. The group is quiet, depressed by the happenings of the night. Trying to make sense of all that transpired with Adam, my head is whirling. Every stride I do is more weight than the previous. Although I can see the toll it is causing everyone, Daniel most worries me. I approach him and for the first time I detect a flash of sensitivity in his eyes. He tries to hide it, rapidly turning his back on me to command the others. But I also know him really well. I see behind the composed front he presents for everyone else. I reply gently, hoping to encourage Daniel to stop and chat to me. He looks hardly over his shoulder. "We have no time for this, Lena. We must reorganize. I hold his arm firmly but softly. Daniel, kindly. We should speak. He seems to be brushing me off once more for a minute, but then his shoulders slump and he sighs, indicating toward a quiet area far from the others. Thank you for being open; if only momentarily. I follow him. When we are by ourselves, I lie on a fallen log and he rests next to me. He seems exhausted; the will in his eyes is still there, but there is a tiredness not there before. Every line on his face bears the weight of trust lost and friends lost as much as of leadership. He says "I'm sorry," glancing down at his hands. Taken surprised, I shake my head. "Sorry?" What for? He pauses in search of words. "For not observing this approach. For bringing everybody into this disaster. I believed I could keep us all safe and that, if we stayed together, nothing could go wrong." Seeing him like this, bearing the guilt for something none of us could have predicted hurts. "Daniel, you are not alone carrying this. Remember us all in this together? He smiles slightly, worn out. " It doesn't feel that way sometimes." I lean forward and lay a hand on his shoulder. "Let us then assist you. Give up striving to be the hero in your life. Nyla walks over to us frowning and disturbs our quiet moment. "We have to move soon," she replies, looking anxiously about. "I doubt Adam isn't hiding close by, just waiting for his chance to strike." Daniel nods while getting up and the mask falls back into position. He looks at me though, and his eyes seem to be gentler before he leaves. a mute recognition of our relationship. Though I know he is still carrying weight, at least now he knows he does not have to bear it alone. Tensions are great as we get together to decide on our next action. Elias opens and closes his jaw tightly. I see him looking darkly at Nyla, and I know they both find the events of the previous evening difficult. "We cannot simply sit here," Elias breaks the silence. Adam is overly familiar with us. He will turn that against us. Looking at Daniel, I worry whether he will let Elias take charge even momentarily. Daniel says nothing, though, and watches the gathering waiting. At last Nyla speaks, her voice steady but tinged with rage. "We ought to pursue him." Find him before he has an opportunity for another attack. This shuts now. Her comments hang in the air, and I sense the group moving and the tension rising. All of them are waiting for Daniel to make decisions. But immersed in contemplation, he merely peers into the fire. Long still, he looks up with a piercing, focused glance. Strongly speaking, he says, "We'll go after him." Still, we proceed with great care. There is no rushing in without a strategy anymore. We act fast, packing and getting ready for what is ahead after making that decision. As we advance the woodland looks colder, more unfriendly, and every shadow seems to be threatening. As Daniel and Elias guide the group, I can sense the conflict between them—each of them on edge, ready for anything. Curious about Nyla's ideas, I fall back to stroll beside her as we continue. Usually reserved and silent, she looks as agitated tonight as the rest of us. "Do you think we are capable of doing this?" My voice is low when I inquire. She looks at me with a hard-bitten attitude. "We have to do it." Adam has too much knowledge; he has shown he will turn it against us. Lena, he poses a threat. More lethal than you could possibly know. I nod, weighty in her words. Although Adam has always been intelligent, seeing him suddenly motivated by ambition and treachery changes everything. I never considered this side of him. Nyla stares at me and her eyes soften somewhat. "You love Daniel, don't you?" The question surprises me and makes me hesitate since it makes me warm. "I..." He's a friend. Together, we have gone through much. She smiles, however her attitude is not hostile. Possibly more than just a friend? I say nothing, yet she appears to grasp. She simply nods, a glance full of knowledge. "Be cautious, Lena." Sometimes looking after someone exposes you. Keep it from distorting your judgment. Although I find her statements disturbing, I know she is correct. I get vulnerable caring about Daniel. But it also makes me more robust. It gives me cause to fight and see this through to the very last. We arrange a little, secret camp as night sets. Although we are all tired, the adrenaline keeps us awake and every sound makes us tense. With Elias, who is unusually quiet tonight, I am on guard. He says at last after a protracted stillness, his voice almost audible. "What do you suppose he could want?" "Adam?," I looked at him and asked. He nodded, his eyes riveted on the blackness beyond our tent. "He possessed all. Friends and loyalty. Still, he tossed it all away. FOR what? I shake my head not knowing what to say. Maybe he believes he would be better off without us. He is more robust on his own. Elias grumbles and runs his fingers through his hair. "It makes no sense." None of this is true. I want to agree, but behind it all too well I know. Adam's decision was about finding his position and about proving something, not only about authority. Though it meant hurting the people who loved him, he sought control and wanted to be his own master. We both tense, guns at hand, when we hear rustling in the forest. But merely Daniel is walking over to us here. Glancing between us, he asks, "Everything. I give a shake of my head. "Exactly shadows and silence." He nods, but his posture shows exhaustion and there is conflict. Though he attempts to conceal it, I can see it. He advises Elias, who nods and returns to camp, "Get some rest." When we are by ourselves, Daniel looks at me with a gentler, more open expression. He says gently, "I wanted to thank you." "For what?," I am Surprised, I question. "For helping me to stay rooted. For reminding me of the reasons behind our actions. I get a warm feeling and a connection that is terrible as well as reassuring. You are not obliged to thank me. We are here with each other. He nods, and for a minute all else seems to vanish. The betrayals, the risk, the ambiguity—all of it vanishes leaving only the two of us. But the moment is disturbed by a far-off sound—a branch snapping too loudly to be merely an animal. We both stop; our instincts kick in and my heart starts to race. "Get the others," Daniel says with a harsh look. I nod, mentally racing and soon returning to camp to wake the group. We are vulnerable; the enemy might be anywhere. Knowing that this is only the beginning, I get a knot of anxiety as I get the others moving. Adam's treachery and the risk he has placed upon us—all of which is spinning into a point of no return. And I can't get rid of the impression that nothing will always stay the same, whatever comes next.