LINES IN THE SAND

Lena's POV Thick with shadows and secret whispers, the forest spreads ceaselessly about here. Every twig snap underfoot causes me to shudder down my back. Adam's escape still weighs fresh, and the strain spun into every one of us like too tightly pulled threads. The possibilities of where he's gone, what he's plotting, and who he could damage next flash across my head. Usually more active, the group is lost in their own ideas. With stiff shoulders and eyes searching the road like he expects Adam to jump from the shadows at any minute, Daniel walks ahead. I have seen him carry so much and seen him attribute blame for every setback. He seems to be persuaded that every setback reduces his value. Though the words don't come, I want to say anything to calm his worries. Rather, I find myself falling into step with him and allowing my presence to speak for itself. The quiet is intolerable as the hours pass. At last I pluck the bravery and break it. "Do you believe Adam ever meant any of it?" Keeping a hushed voice, I ask. I have been reluctant to raise this question and to listen to the response. Daniel's face is impossible to decipher. "I'm not sure," he admits, his voice wary. "Some of me wants to believe he did. That he once cared. Then I see what he's become, and I question if I was mistaken about everything. His candor surprises me, and I understand that behind his tough appearance Daniel is just as uncertain as the rest of us. He has let himself believe in Adam, trust him—and that betrayal goes farther than any cut. "Maybe he did care, in his own way," I say, trying to organize the chaos Adam left behind. But whatever his current goal is, it has perverted him. He nods, but he does not look at me. "I can't get rid of the belief that I am entirely responsible. That I ought to have noticed approaching. The words weigh strongly between us, and I wish I could tell him otherwise. None of us anticipated Adam's turn-about. I know, though, that won't help him to feel less guilty. Part of me worries it will crush Daniel before we ever get to the conclusion; he carries the weight of this group like a quiet oath. We choose a location for nighttime camping as evening falls. Dense woods round this little space, and as the sun sets below the horizon, the shadows deepen. Elias builds a crude fire, his customary boldness replaced by a quiet concentration. Sitting next him, Nyla looks over her shoulder sometimes as though she expects Adam to come out of the shadows. Every one of us is under constant, thick and relentless pressure from the tension in the air. Though we have shared so much, this is different. Adam's treachery seems to have rocked something basic in us, something we are too scared to face. Daniel disturbs the quiet with a low but forceful voice. "We have to choose our direction forward. Adam is out there and won't stop till he has what he needs. Elias raises his head, a flutter of annoyance in there. And just what precisely, Daniel, does he want? Last I looked, none of us knew. We are simply wandering in the dark, hoping we will be lucky. Daniel's face shows strain, and his jaw closes tightly at Elias's comments. He does not, however, snap back. Rather, he nods to honor the reality. "You are right," he says at last. We are unsure. If nothing else, though, we are allowing him more time to do damage on us. to inflict more damage. The fire fills the silence that follows with its crackling. I can sense the uncertainty and tiredness that cover us like a weighty garment. Everybody is tired and carries unresolved wounds. Still, I find it intolerable to see them in this state. To find the people I love falling into hopelessness. "Maybe we don't know what Adam's next move is," I add, my voice stronger than I feel. We are aware of our own, though. We are fighting for something known. That is more than he has. They glance at me and show surprising flashing in their eyes. I seldom ever speak up or let them see the fury inside me. But I need them to believe, to recall why we initially set out on this road. Nyla stretches over and puts her hand on my. Lena's right is indeed. We were too far to let him pull us apart. Elias sighs; some of the tension releases from his stance. "Ok. Still, I feel we are running blind here. And blind looks are never very appealing to me. We both had a weak smile, the tone somewhat softening. Though not very much, it is enough. I find myself lying awake while the others fall asleep, the weight of our discourse descending on me. I start to rise up, clear my head, and without thinking I start to stray to the brink of the clearing. The only sound in the still woodland is delicate leaf rustling from the breeze. I close my eyes, let the cool night air ground me, then inhale. I freeze, though, when I open my eyes. There, almost seen in the darkness, is a person. As I back off, ready to run, my heart thumps. But I stopped there. The man does not move or show any menacing gesture. Then I see it—the faint contour of a familiar face. "Adam? " I whisper, hardly thinking it is possible. He approaches, the little moonlight casting half-lit features. He looks different but it's him. His eyes show a tormented appearance, a wildness absent from earlier years. I'm not sure if it's desperation, rage, or something else totally. "Lena," he says, his voice quiet and nearly begging. "I meant for it to be different." One part of me wants to reach out and hope the friend I once knew is still with us. But I am held back by the memories of his treachery and the suffering he caused. Then why did you do it? My voice broke as I asked. "Why turn on us?" He turns aside, his jaw tight. You would not grasp. none of you would do. I carried out what I had to. What I considered to be proper? The resentment I have repressed for so long bursts to the surface. "Exactly? You refer to this as right? You misled Adam. You left us to look after ourselves for what? Power: Under control? He flinches, and for a split second I see regret flutter in his eyes. But it disappears as rapidly as it arrived. Once more, his voice lifeless, "You don't understand." "I had no decision at all." I back off, the hurt and treachery flooding me like a tidal wave. "You had a family but perhaps lacked options. You also decided to toss that. His face stiffens, the sensitivity lost to the cold, calculated gaze I have learned to identify with him. "Family is a weakness, Lena," said That is what keeps you back. The words pierce more deeply than any knife, and I understand that the friend I knew is dead. Whatever Adam has evolved to is not someone I know. Not someone I am able to save. He turns and vanishes into the shadows without another word, leaving me standing by alone in the gloom. My heart hurts and my head racing, I get back to camp. I keep from the others what I observed and what Adam stated. Part of me wants to shield them from the hurt and from the reality of his falling distance. But the weight of his words washes over me as I lie down, reminding me that the struggle we are engaged in is not only against him. Threatening to engulf us all, it is against the darkness. And I silently swear as sleep at last calls me. I won't allow Adam's treachery define us regardless of his distance or direction or what he becomes. We are not less than that. more powerful than him. And we'll work out a means of evidence. Thick with shadows and secret whispers, the forest spreads ceaselessly about here. Every twig snap underfoot causes me to shudder down my back. Adam's escape still weighs fresh, and the strain spun into every one of us like too tightly pulled threads. The possibilities of where he's gone, what he's plotting, and who he could damage next flash across my head. Usually more active, the group is lost in their own ideas. With stiff shoulders and eyes searching the road like he expects Adam to jump from the shadows at any minute, Daniel walks ahead. I have seen him carry so much and seen him attribute blame for every setback. He seems to be persuaded that every setback reduces his value. Though the words don't come, I want to say anything to calm his worries. Rather, I find myself falling into step with him and allowing my presence to speak for itself. The quiet is intolerable as the hours pass. At last I pluck the bravery and break it. "Do you believe Adam ever meant any of it?" Keeping a hushed voice, I ask. I have been reluctant to raise this question and to listen to the response. Daniel's face is impossible to decipher. "I'm not sure," he admits, his voice wary. "Some of me wants to believe he did. That he once cared. Then I see what he's become, and I question if I was mistaken about everything. His candor surprises me, and I understand that behind his tough appearance Daniel is just as uncertain as the rest of us. He has let himself believe in Adam, trust him—and that betrayal goes farther than any cut. "Maybe he did care, in his own way," I say, trying to organize the chaos Adam left behind. But whatever his current goal is, it has perverted him. He nods, but he does not look at me. "I can't get rid of the belief that I am entirely responsible. That I ought to have noticed approaching. The words weigh strongly between us, and I wish I could tell him otherwise. None of us anticipated Adam's turn-about. I know, though, that won't help him to feel less guilty. Part of me worries it will crush Daniel before we ever get to the conclusion; he carries the weight of this group like a quiet oath. We choose a location for nighttime camping as evening falls. Dense woods round this little space, and as the sun sets below the horizon, the shadows deepen. Elias builds a crude fire, his customary boldness replaced by a quiet concentration. Sitting next him, Nyla looks over her shoulder sometimes as though she expects Adam to come out of the shadows. Every one of us is under constant, thick and relentless pressure from the tension in the air. Though we have shared so much, this is different. Adam's treachery seems to have rocked something basic in us, something we are too scared to face. Daniel disturbs the quiet with a low but forceful voice. "We have to choose our direction forward. Adam is out there and won't stop till he has what he needs. Elias raises his head, a flutter of annoyance in there. And just what precisely, Daniel, does he want? Last I looked, none of us knew. We are simply wandering in the dark, hoping we will be lucky. Daniel's face shows strain, and his jaw closes tightly at Elias's comments. He does not, however, snap back. Rather, he nods to honor the reality. "You are right," he says at last. We are unsure. If nothing else, though, we are allowing him more time to do damage on us. to inflict more damage. The fire fills the silence that follows with its crackling. I can sense the uncertainty and tiredness that cover us like a weighty garment. Everybody is tired and carries unresolved wounds. Still, I find it intolerable to see them in this state. To find the people I love falling into hopelessness. "Maybe we don't know what Adam's next move is," I add, my voice stronger than I feel. We are aware of our own, though. We are fighting for something known. That is more than he has. They glance at me and show surprising flashing in their eyes. I seldom ever speak up or let them see the fury inside me. But I need them to believe, to recall why we initially set out on this road. Nyla stretches over and puts her hand on my. Lena's right is indeed. We were too far to let him pull us apart. Elias sighs; some of the tension releases from his stance. "Ok. Still, I feel we are running blind here. And blind looks are never very appealing to me. We both had a weak smile, the tone somewhat softening. Though not very much, it is enough. I find myself lying awake while the others fall asleep, the weight of our discourse descending on me. I start to rise up, clear my head, and without thinking I start to stray to the brink of the clearing. The only sound in the still woodland is delicate leaf rustling from the breeze. I close my eyes, let the cool night air ground me, then inhale. I freeze, though, when I open my eyes. There, almost seen in the darkness, is a person. As I back off, ready to run, my heart thumps. But I stopped there. The man does not move or show any menacing gesture. Then I see it—the faint contour of a familiar face. "Adam? " I whisper, hardly thinking it is possible. He approaches, the little moonlight casting half-lit features. He looks different but it's him. His eyes show a tormented appearance, a wildness absent from earlier years. I'm not sure if it's desperation, rage, or something else totally. "Lena," he says, his voice quiet and nearly begging. "I meant for it to be different." One part of me wants to reach out and hope the friend I once knew is still with us. But I am held back by the memories of his treachery and the suffering he caused. Then why did you do it? My voice broke as I asked. "Why turn on us?" He turns aside, his jaw tight. You would not grasp. none of you would do. I carried out what I had to. What I considered to be proper? The resentment I have repressed for so long bursts to the surface. "Exactly? You refer to this as right? You misled Adam. You left us to look after ourselves for what? Power: Under control? He flinches, and for a split second I see regret flutter in his eyes. But it disappears as rapidly as it arrived. Once more, his voice lifeless, "You don't understand." "I had no decision at all." I back off, the hurt and treachery flooding me like a tidal wave. "You had a family but perhaps lacked options. You also decided to toss that. His face stiffens, the sensitivity lost to the cold, calculated gaze I have learned to identify with him. "Family is a weakness, Lena," said That is what keeps you back. The words pierce more deeply than any knife, and I understand that the friend I knew is dead. Whatever Adam has evolved to is not someone I know. Not someone I am able to save. He turns and vanishes into the shadows without another word, leaving me standing by alone in the gloom. My heart hurts and my head racing, I get back to camp. I keep from the others what I observed and what Adam stated. Part of me wants to shield them from the hurt and from the reality of his falling distance. But the weight of his words washes over me as I lie down, reminding me that the struggle we are engaged in is not only against him. Threatening to engulf us all, it is against the darkness. And I silently swear as sleep at last calls me. I won't allow Adam's treachery define us regardless of his distance or direction or what he becomes. We are not less than that. more powerful than him. And we'll work out a means of evidence.