THE CHOICE WE NEVER WANTED

Alex's POV Like we were all on the brink of making a decision none of us wanted to, the stillness separating us felt crushing. My heart thumped in my chest, and I felt the weight of what was approaching down on me. "We can't stay here much longer," Marcus murmured, pacing frantically over the little hut. Though his voice was quiet, it had a stiffness that betrayed his discomfort. I turned to face Samantha, seated near the window, gazing out at the sky lowering. The last bits of the setting sun lit her face; her expression was invisible. Knowing her well enough, I could see she was fighting something deep inside—something I could not reach no matter how much I wanted. "We know what they are capable of now, Marcus said, his voice cutting. "We have seen the extent The Order will travel. Waiting about will only benefit them. Naturally, he was right. But I became terrified thinking about leaving this location, the one remnant of normalcy we had left. I wasn't prepared to meet what lay ahead outside these doors. Not Yet. At last Samantha said, her voice kind yet firm. "What option, though, do we have? They will locate us if we do nothing. They always do. Her statements had weight and a resignation I had not heard from her before. The sound set my stomach to turn. Samantha, usually the one with the strategy, always the one keeping us together, was beginning to sound as like she had given up hope. Marcus stopped in front of the fireplace, his fists tight. "We have to take the fight to them," he muttered. "I have contacts. Those of whom we can rely on. Still, we have to be ready to risk everything. "Risk it all," I said, the words harsh in my mouth. "Where has that gotten us? That is exactly what we have been doing all this whole time. We are not closer to stopping The Order than we were when beginning this process. Marcus turned hard to face me. "You wish sitting here, waiting was any better? You believe we have time to afford luxury? I looked at him and felt my own irritation building. "I'm saying we need a strategy free of involving our deaths!!" Samantha got up abruptly, her chair dragging loudly across the hardwood floor. "Enough," said Her voice sliced over the suspense like a razor. "We cannot continue to tear each other apart this way. We are all afraid. Everybody else is exhausted. Fighting each other, though, is not going to fix anything. Her comments muted us, and the cabin sank into a tense silence. I wanted to tell her how much I detested this sense of powerlessness, but the words would not flow. She gazed at Marcus. We will meet with your references. But we back off if there is any indication of risk—any kind at all. Marcus nodded, although I could see uncertainty flickering in his eyes. "Understood," Later that evening, as we were getting ready to go, Samantha and I were alone on the little porch of the cabin. Though I didn't care, the cool night air bit at my flesh. I wanted a time free from the pressure rising inside the walls. Samantha reclined against the railing, her arms hugging her for coziness. Not sure what to say, I stood next to her. She had always been the stronger one, the one who kept us headed forward. She seemed smaller, more delicate than I had ever seen her tonight, though. "Do you consider us to be acting morally?" I broke the stillness by asking. She ignored me immediately. Rather, she stayed riveted on the horizon, where the stars were just starting to show through the night. She said, "I don't know." But what other decisions do we have? I moaned and ran a hand through my hair. "Another way has to be there. One whereby we do not wind up like the rest. Her eyes flicked to me then, a melancholy there I was not used to seeing. Alex, we cannot think that way. Should we do, we will never forward. And I... I'm not sure if I could make it by staying in one spot any more. Her comments had more impact than I anticipated. Samantha was the one who had always felt that one should always be fighting and pushing through whatever. Shook me to hear her speak like this and to see her so near to breaking. With my voice almost above a whisper, "I don't want to lose you." She grinned, a tiny, melancholic smile that missed her eyes. You wouldn't. Not yet, anyway. We stood there, the wordless terror hovering between us like an unreachable weight. She should know that everything would be fine and that we would figure out how to get through this. I could not, however, bring myself to repeat the untruth aloud. Marcus's trip to his contact was fraught. We moved in almost silence, each sound of the forest enhanced in the darkness. I held my hand on my weapon and watched closely for any indication of threat. The doubt that had crept into all of us was the true threat, though, not what lurked in the woods. Marcus indicated for us to back off as we arrived at the rendezvous point—a run-down barn on the edge of a tiny town—as he walked toward the man within. Heart throbbing in my chest, I watched from the shadows. Something didn't seem right. The night was also too quiet, the air too motionless. Samantha moved toward me, her gaze fixed on Marcus. She said softly, "Do you trust him?" I hesitated then started to respond. "I don's now." My stomach fell as the man in the barn emerged into the daylight. It was not any kind of correspondence. We all too well know this person. Emelara. Her treachery almost killed us months ago. And now here she was, before us, exactly as nothing had occurred. "Marcus!," I yelled out and moved forward. But it was already too late. The trap sprang already. All at once, everything collapsed. Figures came out of the shadows, weapons pulled, all around us before we could react. Marcus turned back at me, amazement and wrath mixed on his features. "Get down!," asked Screaming, I grabbed Samantha's arm and dragged her behind an old stack of boxes. Gunfire burst forth, the sound terrible in the little area. Heart pounding as I sought to find a way out of this situation, I shoved myself against the rough wood. Samantha's voice was tight with wrath, "Elara sold us out." Glancing over the boxes, I saw her through the haze of uncertainty. Her visage icy and soulless, she stood beside one of the attackers. "We trusted him," I said, the weight of treachery weighing down my chest. Samantha tightened her hand on her weapon. Not anymore. We looked at each other and I knew exactly what I needed to know. We were not going down without struggle. Every instinct in me cried to shield Samantha as we battled our way through the anarchy. She was my anchor, the one thing keeping me rooted in this tempest of doubt and violence. But I became aware of something horrifying as the evening carried on. I couldn't always guard her. Our planet was cruel, thus no matter how hard I tried, I could not protect her from the atrocities we encountered. From the decisions we would have to make—the ones that would separate us or drive us more into the gloom—I could not keep her safe. Bloodied and bruised, I knew exactly one thing by the time we emerged from the barn. Nothing would always be different. On the outskirts of town, we sought cover from the chilly breeze blowing through shattered windows in an abandoned structure. Marcus had not trailed behind us. He had decided on his side, and I wasn't sure if my reaction was more heartbroken or enraged. Samantha sat next to me, eyes far off and her breathing labored. Offering her the last solace I had left, I stretched forward and grabbed her hand. Though the words seemed empty, "We'll figure this out," I added. She nodded, but her eyes betrayed me that she was not as confident anymore. And I started to question whether this marked the start of the end—for all of us—as the gloom closed in around us.