GLIMPSES OF THE PAST

Alex's POV I ought to have seen that approaching. The peace before the tempest, the way the breeze changed just before all hell erupted. But I failed. Perhaps I was too preoccupied with the next action or too fixated on my own worries to see what was happening all around us. Now, I wondered if this was how it would all end as I crouched behind a fallen tree, collecting my breath and the sound of footsteps got louder. The jungle was black, just slivers of moonlight peeking through the heavy canopy overhead. I felt guilty as I turned to look at Lena, her face pallid but resolute. None of us had, nor had she registered for this. Here we were, nonetheless, engaged in a struggle without apparent end. She had her own tonight, even if I could see the gaps beginning to show. Samantha, where was she? I brushed aside a stinging pang cutting across my chest. Not now could I consider that. I had to concentrate right in front of me. Regarding survival. "Alex," Lena said, her voice almost heard above the rustling foliage. "Do you suppose they could find us?" I shook my head, staring down the shadows dancing across the trees ahead of us. " Not if we keep silent. Then wait. Pining for. All we had been doing seemed to be waiting—waiting for the next attack, waiting for a strategy to gather, waiting for the ideal moment to strike. And The Order discovered a way to rip it all apart every time we felt we were in charge. "Do you believe she's fine?" Lena trembled in her voice and asked. I said, more to persuade myself than her: "She's strong." She will come to find us. But I doubted whether I still believed that now. Samantha had not seen us since we had been split apart in the struggle. Like a brand, the memory of her falling, the attackers closing in on her scorched in my consciousness. More should have come from me. I should have: I was taken from my ideas by the sound of twigs breaking behind me. Every muscle tensing, I turned and tightened my hand around my knife's hilt. One gently, carefully moved near us. I was ready to hit for a brief second, then I noticed the familiar flash of blonde hair. Samatha. She was limping but alive and came out from the darkness. Stronger than I had anticipated, relief flooded over me and I got up, a few steps across the distance separating us. "You're okay," I said, more of a statement than a query. Not enough faith in my voice to probe what had transpired. Still to come. Samantha nodded, her face pallid but her eyes focused intently. "Very sparing." Though it didn't reach her eyes, she looked at Lena and gave a quick, tiny reassuring grin. She then turned to face me and for a second something unspoken passed between us. Though I couldn't exactly put it into words, there was something more there—angry displeasure at the circumstances we were in. Samantha remarked, her voice low and anxious, "We cannot stay here." "They still live out there and will visit us once more." She pointed out the right thing. Though I would have wanted to believe we could relax, I knew better; the worst of it was done. The Order persisted. Not until they possessed their ideal. I answered, fast thinking, "The cave." "We go north." Not far off here is a cave. We can reorganize and decide what to do going forward. Samantha hesitated, looking back over her shoulder as though she expected more adversaries to show up. She nodded then. Let us go. Though not particularly appealing, the cave was sufficient. a tiny, jagged aperture in the rock that created a small, covert area big enough to cover us for the evening. We hurried inside, the blackness engulfing us as the wind screamed through the outer trees. Samantha collapsed against the cave wall, her palm pressed to her side where blood had soiled her clothing. I stared. I had not noticed it before; the sight of it caused something to twist in my gut. Moving toward her, I whispered, "You're hurt." She mumbled, waving me off, "It's fine." Just a scratch. Samantha——" "I said I'm good, Alex," she murmured, her eyes flickering with irritation. I briefly glimpsed the raw feeling boiling under the surface: the anxiety, the resentment, the tiredness. I had no idea what would happen when it burst, like a dam just ready to explode. I steered clear of pushing it. I knew nothing about how to. I could prepare, organize a fight, but this? Dealing with the feelings we both kept buried far below? I was not particularly adept at that. Rather, I gave the pragmatic first priority. Stepping back and facing each of them, I stated, "We have to decide our next move." "The Order's closing in is not stopping anytime soon. We have to keep ahead of them. Samantha nodded although her jaw tightened. "We have to hit them where it hurts. Quit sprinting. Lena cast a doubtful glance between us. "How are we to accomplish that? Their resources and numbers are clear. Tonight we hardly survived at all. We take the fight to them, I added, my voice firm. "Location the leader. Finish this once and for ever. Samantha looked at me, and for a second I sensed the uncertainty. Not on schedule; she trusted me enough for that. But in considering the expenses involved. What had already been paid for? She murmured softly, "We have been running for so long. "I'm not sure whether I remember what it feels like not to." Her comments really stung more than I anticipated. She knew exactly what I needed. We had been running for our lives, battling for our lives ever since we had found the truth regarding The Order and what they desired. What was the endgame, though? Now what were we even fighting for? Freedom? Retouching? Something else. I did not know the answers. But we couldn't continue like this, I realized. Something had to change. Furthermore quickly. Though the words were empty, "We'll figure it out," I said. "We are not free to choose." Samantha did not answer. She simply watched the fire we had created, shadows on the cave walls flickering. Her weight of everything we had gone through was clearly crushing down on her, and for the first time I questioned whether perhaps I had asked too much of her. But right now there was no turning back. Though none of us slept particularly, we alternated in monitoring. We all kept on edge by the weight of what was approaching. I sat close to the door, staring at the trees outside, but my attention was elsewhere—on the battle ahead, on what I had to do to keep everyone alive. The sense that something was shifting between us persisted in me. We had always been tight, but today the link we had felt changed. more delicate but also more robust. Between us, there was so much left unsaid, so many feelings we had repressed under the pretext of survival. But I could not ignore it any more here in the quiet of the night. To me, she was more than just a fellow employee. She has always been like this. But what precisely did that imply? Given everything hanging in the balance, could we possibly afford to consider that now? Samantha moved, her eyes flicked open, before I could follow that thought any farther. She fixed my eyes and held them, her face unreadable. "Can't sleep?," I inquired gently. She gave her head a shake. Too much is on my thoughts. I did not inquire about what. I could quite relate to the sensation. Rather, I got up and walked to sit next her, near enough to have our shoulders brush. Neither of us spoke for a long time. She said at last, too late. "Alex.... Should this fail—that is, should we not make it through this? We will, I answered sharply, cutting her off. She turned to face me, her eyes a muddle of conflicting feelings I sort out. Still, if we neglect to... I didn't let her wrap up. Rather, I bent in and touched hers with a hand. The words I had been stifling for so long fell out before I could stop them. "We will succeed, Samantha." And when we act as well I am not letting you go. She seemed astonished for a time. She then slowly grinned, a little, timid smile but one that lighted her whole face. She said gently, "I'm holding you to that." And something changed between us exactly like that. An actual item. Something I wasn't sure either of us could overlook any more.