SHATTERED TRUTHS

Lena's POV As I left the rear entrance of the enclosure, the cold air struck my face and my head whirled with all that had just happened. Blood still coated my hands, my clothes, and the scent of it hung about like a terrible reminder of what we had done. Samantha had never behaved like that—that vulnerable, so damaged. Her eyes' gaze when she dropped on the ground... It wouldn't come out of my thoughts. Alex's words drew me back to the here-now: "We have to keep moving." Indeed, he was right. There was no time to stop. But when it felt as though everything we had battled had simply broken, how could I go forward? "I know," I responded, sounding less than I meant. I let him see how unprepared I felt or how terrified I was. Actually, though, I had no notion what our current course of action was intended to be. Samantha was unconscious, bleeding out, and The Order was still out there just waiting for the ideal chance to strike once more. Alex's gaze stayed on me for a time, as though he were reading my thoughts. He had always been adept at that—sense what I was not saying. Lena, pay close attention to me. Though his voice was strong, there was a gentleness under it—like he was trying not to break me even more. First we have to get to safety. We then will decide on our next action. I nodded, but the knot of fear in my gut just tightened. Safety seemed like a far-off fantasy, something we were not sure we would ever reach. But Alex's concentration, will, was unquestionable. I was jealous of him. I second-guessed every choice I made, but he always seemed so assured that we would survive. Right now, though? Now I doubted anyone could be absolutely sure. As we descended farther into the shadows, the weight of the night pushing in all directions, the woodland surrounding us was shockingly quiet. Alex carried Samantha on his back; her head hung lifelessly against his shoulder. Her tiny breaths seemed like a countdown, and as I trailed closely, my hands started to shake. Every stride I made seemed weighty, as if the guilt over what had transpired was gradually smothering me. I ought to have done something. I ought to have been quicker, wiser, better. I was not, though. Samantha was then bearing the cost of it. Alex must have felt my inner conflict since he eventually slowed his speed and dropped in step next to me. "Lena," he whispered softly, his voice little above a whisper. None of this is your responsibility. Startled, I blushed. "How did you—also?" His eyes never straying from the road ahead, he interrupted, "because I know you." "I need you to stop blaming yourself; I know what you are thinking." My throat was tight, I swallowed hard. But if only I had just— Alex broke me off, his voice stern now, saying, "If you had done anything differently, you would have been the one lying unconscious right now." And I would not be able to handle that. His comments felt to me like a gut punch. Not sure what to say or how to react. Though the fact was... I couldn't, part of me wanted to dispute and correct him. Deep down I knew he was correct. I had followed all I could have. And still, it had not been sufficient. "I simply... I muttered, my voice breaking under the weight of my feelings, "I don't want to lose her." Until now, Samantha had not really understood how much she had come to represent to me. She had been like a sister, someone who sensed strength in me even when I was blind to it in myself. Alex's face softened, his eyes flickering with a mix of concern and weariness. Neither do Lena, neither do I. We will not, however. We are going to make it through. In the darkness, the clarity in his voice was like a lifeline, something I could grab. Though I wanted to, I was not sure I believed him. I wanted to hold the belief that we still had opportunity and that we hadn't already lost. We traveled farther into the woods over several hours until at last we came upon a little, secret cave tucked away on the side of a cliff. Not much, but it would provide us nighttime cover. And right now, all we could demand was that. Alex lay Samantha softly on the cool stone floor, his hands shaking as he examined her cut. Though it had slowed, the bleeding had not totally ceased. She needed actual medical assistance, but we were too distant from any place that would be of use. "We'll stay here until morning," Alex stated, his voice lacking the assurance it typically possessed. "She needs rest." I nodded, though the tightness in my gut just tightened. Every second that passed seemed as though we were playing with her life. But of course, what option did we have? Alex was seated back against the cave wall, tiredness catching up to him, and I found myself staring more attentively than I had ever done. Always the strong one, the leader, the person we all looked on to keep us safe. But right now I could see holes in his armor. At last, the weight of everything was showing on his face in the lines of his expression, in the way his shoulders slumped with the weight of his obligation. "You can rest too, you know," I added gently, shocking myself with how sweet my voice sounded. "I'll keep watching." Alex shook his head, but his eyes were already dark with tiredness. "I'm not able." "Alex—"— "I can't, Lena," he repeated once more, more deliberately this time. Not while she is like this. I wanted to argue, to tell him running himself into the ground was not doing anyone any good. Rather, I sat down next to him and let the stillness envelop us. I had no need to say anything. The truth was both of us were running out of: time. Before us the fire hummed gently, creating flickering shadows on the cave's walls. Samantha's respiration had calmed, but she hadn't awakened. Every time I looked at her, terror tightened my heart. Suppose she woke up hardly at all. And what if this were it? I shook my head, driving the idea away. Not Yes. I couldn't think in such a manner. Not immediately. Rather, I focused again on Alex. He had stayed in his position, staring at the flames, his mind obviously elsewhere. His eyes glowed with guilt, the same guilt I carried about in my own heart. I broke the calm gently, "Alex." "We will work out a solution. We consistently do. He paused for a long time, and I began to worry whether he had even heard me. Then he said, his voice almost audible. "We would win, I assured her." His comments were painful, and it dawned on me then exactly how much Samantha meant to him. It went beyond the goal—that of opposing The Order—or the cause of action. It concerned her. He could not part from her. Not exactly like this. "We're not done yet," I answered firmly, my voice stronger than I felt. She is still battling. And therefore are we as well. Alex's eyes locked with mine at last, and for the first time in what felt like hours I saw a glimmer of hope in them. Though hardly much, it was something. "We'll get through this," he replied, although I wasn't sure if he was attempting to persuade me or myself. Though deep down I knew the road ahead would not be simple. I nodded. Already, we had lost so much; the battle was far from finished. Still, there was opportunity as long as Samantha was still breathing and as long as we were together. And I was determined to grab that opportunity using all I possessed.