SHATTERED BONDS

Lena's POV For some moments I shook constantly. It was not only the cold; the air surrounding me seemed to be cutting and painful on my skin. It was everything: the anxiety, the treachery, the powerful sensation the earth had just plummeted under my feet. Jacobs: Even now, in spite of all that has lately happened, I still found it unbelievable. More than most people, more than Finn sometimes, I had trusted him. Still, he had been performing for us right along. The treachery ripped at a level too great for human understanding. It made me doubt everything—including myself. What then might I have overlooked? Finn was beside me, breathing heavily and with pallid cheeks. Still fresh, Beckett's troops had hardly registered on him for any damage. Even now, he would not let go; every small breath he took seemed to resonate with suffering. That was Finn—strong, tenacious, and reluctant to own his near breaking behavior. "I'll be fine," he had remarked before, then he entered a strict quiet. Still, I felt more conscious. I could see the suffering in his eyes, the barely felt suffering extending down below the obvious harm. Finn was not one to admit mistakes; this was different. Beckett went missing momentarily. Like the phantom he apparently was constantly, he had disappeared into the night. Jacobs similarly? He had vanished, leaving behind broken faith and unresolved doubts. I loved him less for doing that. Finn moaned and yanked me back into the here-now. Lena remarked, "We have to move. We cannot be living here going ahead. I shook my head and lightly ran my fingers over the sweat dripping off his brow. You are not suitable for travel to anyplace. "Doesn't matter," he muttered with clenched teeth. "We cannot let Beckett get unfairly ahead." He made accurate observations. That did not, however, simplify matters. I turned to survey our environs. The warehouse was dark, and its size felt more like a maze than a haven. A reminder that the world outside had not stopped just because our lives had; faint buzz of machinery permeated the horizon. Still, every item in this warehouse seemed unusual. In their quiet, the walls seemed to strangle me. Every movement I made reflected back, a continual reminder that we were completely alone. Though the words sounded hollow, "We'll find them," I said. They were the identical ones I had described when Finn first came; they consoled more of me than of him. Still, the labor got more difficult every instant that passed. Beckett had always been one step ahead of us, and now he appeared unstoppable since Jacob was compiling statistics. Finn took me from my day-dream with his hand squeezing around mine. His half-lidded drowsy eyes just stared at me. We cannot continue from this stop. Though I wanted to concur, to nod and say I had the same strength, I wasn't sure if I did anymore. Closed my eyes and each time I could see Jacob's face. When Finn accused him, I could see his reaction to him. That flutter of shame blended with desire seemed like he wanted to explain, justify his conduct. Still, it had absolutely nothing bearing on anything. He had gone to someone else. misled me. "Lena," Finn whispered quietly, his voice more of a plea than a directive. "We still have to quit." I nodded, chewing hard and holding back the tears that wanted to pour. Right now I could afford to be lazy. Not while Finn needed someone to be tenacious. Still, I harbored an unsolved curiosity that would not go away. Jacob carried out this for what reason? It went beyond Beckett's own warnings in and of itself. Definitely more ought to be there. something far more thorough. I could feel it, like a sliver rotting with uncertainty buried in my cranium. "I trusted him," I said, hardly audible. "How did I not see it?" Finn did not react right away. His eyelids closed momentarily as though he were sorting his ideas. At last, his voice laden with regret, "We all did." Still, Beckett performs fairly brilliantly in what he does. He bends things and plays about. drives people toward behavior they might not have otherwise selected. Still yet, Jacob. I started chewing my lip then trailed off. He was not any one person. One of us, he was here among us. Finn remarked, gently, "And that's why it hurts so much." Still, we cannot let it stop us. Not now. As long as we could, we rested; every second felt like a countdown to something terrible. Knowing we needed more than a band-aid, I tried to tend Finn's cut as best I could. He needed appropriate medical attention, but right now there was not time for it. If gently, when he at last stood, we walked the warehouse into the evening of the city. Somewhere, Beckett and Jacob were walking forward with every step we made. Though every thread of my life yearned to break, the realization bit me and drove me ahead. Walking, the peace separating Finn from me started to weigh. We weren't asking specific inquiries or stating specific facts. It transcended mere Jacob's treachery now. It spoke to us personally. About where, in the wake of all that had transpired, we stood. Finn said, "I don't blame you," right away to break the stillness. Taken aback, I blinked. In exactly what sense? Declared, "For not seeing it," "Based on Jacob." for anything. Actually, his comments struck me more than I had expected. Over and over I had been blaming myself, going back in my mind to misread every exchange with Jacob and looking for the signals I missed. Still here Finn was, driving the guilt chewing me alive away. "You shouldn't," I murmured just above a whisper. "You shouldn't allow me to get off easy in that sense. Finn turned to meet me, his face softer than it had been all night. His steps stammered just a little. Lena, you have done nothing illegal. Not a crime is believing in someone. Still, it feels like that, I said, tensely. I appear to have ought to have known. Should I have stopped him before—" Finn cut in, "Before what?" His voice is strong but not harsh. Before he started turning on us? Before Beckett started to grab hold? Lena, you could not have known. Nobody among us could have had. Even now, I wanted to believe him even though I still had questions. The deceit had stung for all of us as much as for what Jacob had done. Should we not believe our own, who would we believe? My voice breaking, I said, "I just... I don't know what to do anymore."Everything appears to be breaking down. Though I could sense weariness in Finn's eyes, his fingers rested firmly in mine. He said, roughly, "We keep going." "We have nothing else to turn around." The sky had started to get lighter by the time we arrived on the outskirts of the city; the first hints of dawn were visible on the horizon. But it simply made my chest more desperately vital, not inspired hope. Our remaining time was not very much. Then a man showed up right in front of us exactly as we were ready to vanish into the darkness once more. For a split second, my heart stopped. That Jacob was it. His face tightened, regret blazing across his eyes. Now, aged somehow, he felt as though his decisions had at least caught up with him. "Lena," he said with clear clarity. "I have no enthusiasm about this. Nothing of this appealed to me. I stopped; swirling in my brain. I wanted to demand explanations and yell at him. Still another side of me, one I detested, I wanted to trust him. Finn moved ahead to find a seat between Jacob and me. "You have five seconds to sort yourself before I finish what Beckett started." Jacob raised his hands in respect and looked plaintively. I could be of assistance. I know how to correct this. Finn hissing, "you had your chance." " You now want to save only yourself." Jacob turned to meet me, obviously hungry. " gracious, Lena. You really must start to believe me. Beckett has cleaning scheduled for everything. Strong swallowing, my chest beating in time. I absolutely had no belief at all anymore. "Why ought we to believe in you?" My voice is hardly steady as I asked. Even though his response was clear, it made me shiver. "Because Beckett broke me too." His comments settled over us like a fresh blanket of suspense. One thing about what was ahead I knew without doubt. We were in more than we could have fairly imagined. And one could not reverse things.