Chapter 63

Chapter 32 I was woken up in the middle of the night by the sound of my door slowly creaking open. I rubbed my eyes, turning my head to see Grayson standing by the door. Even though it was dark, I was able to see his tear-stained cheeks. "Grayson?" I said softly. "Are you crying?" Grayson wiped some tears away and gave me a weak smile. "Yeah. I... Poppy, I need to be honest with you." I gestured for him to sit down in my bed with me. He closed the door, walking over and climbing into the bed with me. He laid down, placing his hands over his face. He took deep, shaky breaths and I knew something was wrong, especially because he was crying. I removed one of his hands from his face and intertwined it with mine. "Take your time," I told him. Grayson took one more deep breath before wiping away his final tear. "My depression has gotten worse." "Really?" I asked. "But you've been acting like yourself again." "I know," Grayson said. "Because I've been hiding it. The truth is, ever since you got paralyzed, I can't sleep. I have nightmares where you leave me because you think it's my fault. So I don't sleep. And when I don't sleep, I wonder what I could have done to prevent this." "Grayson, it's not your fault," I said, angling myself to the best I could so I could look at him. I rested my hand on his cheek, gently wiping away the rest of the tears. "I need you to know that, okay? I don't blame you at all. Not once have I ever felt like it was your fault." "That doesn't stop me from feeling so depressed," Grayson said. "I've tried, Flower. I've tried to tell myself that it was an accident, but I can't accept it. I was the one driving the car, and I was the one who crashed it." "But you were distracted," I said. "Grayson, think of it this way. You're the one who's making me look on the bright side of this. You're the one who's taking me everywhere, even if it includes being late to a class at school. You're the one who does everything for me that I can't. You bring me food, make me food, get things I need. You're the one who's mostly helping me through this. Yeah, you crashed the car but it wasn't your fault. I don't want you blaming yourself." "I can't help it," he said softly. "It's stuck in my head. It keeps me up at nights. Every time I see you in the wheelchair, I think about how I could have stopped it from happening." I pressed my lips gently on his. "It's not your fault," I said again in a quiet whisper. "I don't blame you. And if I don't blame you, then you shouldn't blame yourself." "Poppy..." "I'm serious," I said. "I love you way too much to see yourself beat yourself up over this. I know it's hard for you to change your mind, but I need you to understand that I only see you helping me." I gave him another kiss before laying back down. "Do you mind if I spend the night with you?" Grayson asked. "Maybe then I could actually sleep." My response was to attempt to curl into his side, which he helped me with. He kissed my forehead and I soon feel asleep to the soft sound of his snoring. ~*~*~*~ So Grayson and I ended up breaking one of the rules Dad set out for us. We weren't supposed to sleep in the same bed together, even though nothing happened at all. Dad wasn't happy when he saw Grayson's bed empty and found us sleeping in mine. Luckily, he was able to look pass it once he saw Grayson's cheeks were still stained with tears. Grayson went out with his sister for lunch, so I decided to watch a movie to pass time before he came back. I was always extremely bored without him here, even though we did the same things together that I did alone. It just felt nice to do them with him. Mom walked into my room and sat on the edge of my bed. "How are you doing, Poppy?" she asked. "I'm bored," I said. "Watching a movie alone is so boring." Mom chuckled. "I meant how are you doing with your paraplegia?" "Better, I guess," I said. "I learn to accept it more every day and it's been a few weeks already. Now I just have to slowly wait to get in the surgery." "And how's Grayson doing?" Mom asked. "With his depression." I sighed. "Worse, actually. Last night, he told me that it's getting worse because he blames himself for the condition. I've been trying to convince him that I never once blamed him, but it's hard for him to accept." "I understand," Mom said. "He was the one driving, so it's only natural to blame himself, even if it wasn't his fault." "I know," I said. "I really need to show him that it isn't his fault." "He'll understand shortly," Mom said. "It's probably as hard for him to accept as it is for you, and his subconscious is telling him that it's his fault. He'll soon realize that all of it was an accident." "I'm not sure he will," I said. "You know how stubborn he is. It takes a long time to convince him of something, and he seems so certain that it was his fault. He even tries telling himself that it wasn't his fault. He can't even convince himself." "Well, hopefully he does understand that nothing could have been done," Mom said, standing up and leaving the room. Shortly after, Grayson returned home and flopped onto the bed. "Flower, I have a question," he said. "Everything you said last night. Did you mean it all?" "Of course," I said. "Why? Are you still having a hard time thinking that it's your fault?" Grayson sighed. "Yeah. I try, Poppy. I try so hard to tell myself that it wasn't my fault. But think of it this way. Let's say you were the depressed one and we got into an argument while you were driving and the car crash. And because of the crash, I got para... whatever the hell it's called. I would keep telling you it wasn't your fault, but would you believe me?" "You have a point," I said. "Grayson, I don't know exactly how you're feeling about it, but I do understand. I just hope you would realize that it's not your fault." "I know," he said. "I try. You know I do. It's too hard." "I wish it wasn't," I said. "I really wish you would just understand that it's not your fault and that I would never blame you. Even if it was your fault, it was an accident, Grayson. There's no way you would have caused this on purpose." Grayson gave me a smile, something I hadn't seen in a while. "I love you so much, Flower," he said. "It will take me a long time to convince myself that it wasn't my fault, but having you constantly tell me that it wasn't my fault does help me." I smiled back. "I love you, too. Now come give me a kiss." "Of course, babe," Grayson said, moving towards me and gently connecting our lips. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?" "You did, like, ten seconds ago," I pointed out. "I love you," Grayson repeated, giving me another kiss. "I love you." Another kiss. "Did I mention that I love you?" "Once or twice," I said. "And I love you, too. Want to watch the rest of this movie with me?" Grayson eyed the TV and scoffed. "Cinderella, really?" "Don't mock fairytales," I said. "It's a good movie and the dress is seriously so beautiful. It makes me wonder why my life can't be like that." "Hey, you don't need some lame prince," Grayson said. "Why have that when you have a hella sexy man right here?" "Man?" I asked. "Where? I don't see one." Grayson's response was to grab the pillow my head wasn't using and hit me with it. "Jerk." "You're not allowed to call me a jerk," I said. "You're supposed to be a gentleman. Or should I say gentleboy?" "Take that back." "Make me." Grayson glared at me for a long time before taking the TV remote from beside me and turning off the TV. "Grayson!" I said, attempting to grab the remote. He quickly jumped off the bed and held the remote up high. "You're going to have to reach for it." Honestly, him saying that stung my heart a lot. I didn't know if he meant it or not, but it hurt like hell. "Oh, crap," Grayson said, lowering his arm. "Poppy, I'm so sorry. I... I forgot and... I'm an idiot. Crap." He turned on the TV and placed the remote beside me. "I'll be... in my room." "Grayson," I said quickly before he could leave. "It's fine. It hurt, but you forgot. That's it." Grayson sighed and turned to look at me. "You don't get it, Poppy. I'm never going to get used to it. Why couldn't I be the one who was paralyzed? Everything would be so much better." "Don't say that," I said. "It was an accident, Grayson. You didn't mean it. Please, don't be mad at yourself." "Poppy," Grayson said slowly, his voice cracking a bit. I knew exactly what was going to happen, so I sat up and held my arms out for him. He walked over at wrapped his arms around me, digging his face in my shoulder as he cried. Lately, he had been so sensitive. He cried a whole lot, even over the tiniest things. I hated seeing him cry, but I was honestly so used to it. "It's okay," I said softly. "You didn't mean it." "I hate myself, Poppy," Grayson muttered. "Grayson, don't be hard on yourself," I said. "You're the best boyfriend I could ever ask for and your my best friend." Grayson pulled away. "Did I surpass Belle for the best friend status?" "Honestly, yes," I said. "Don't tell her." "I kind of want to tell her." "Grayson..." "I'm definitely going to tell her," he said as he wiped his tears away. He sat down beside me on the bed. "So, how about that Cinderella?"