Chapter 72

Chapter 41 Grayson was basically the laziest person ever. There was a school carnival today for all the Seniors, and it was starting in less than an hour; at two o'clock. However, Grayson was still in bed. He didn't even get up to get some food. I walked into his bedroom, rolling my eyes. We had to leave soon, so I decided to wake him up in a wonderful way. I yanked his pillow out from underneath him before hitting him with it. Okay, not that wonderful, but we did it to each other all the time. More me than him, but hey. He had to wake up. Grayson groaned loudly and covered his eyes with his arm. "Babe, why do you have to do this every morning?" he whined. I laid down beside him. "I don't do it every morning. More like every other morning." He sighed. "Close enough. Why did you wake me up? It's too early." "Early?" I asked. "Grayson, it's past one o'clock. Don't you know what day it is today?" "Saturday?" I sat up. "Well, yes. But that's not it. There's two things today, remember?" "Oh, yeah," he said. "The stupid carnival. Do we have to go?" "Yes," I said. "Remember that everyone had to sign up to be in charge of a booth? We can't miss out. And I want to spend today with you. You know why?" Grayson removed his arm from over his eyes. "Because it's Saturday. And I'm your boyfriend. And it's a Senior event." "Well, yes, but that's not the main reason," I said. "... I'm too tired to think." I sighed. "Fine. I have to get ready anyway." I was about to get off of Grayson's bed to leave, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him before pressing his lips on mine. He slowly lowered me onto the bed, hovering over me as his lips moved to my neck. "Grayson, I have to get ready," I said. "But you're so kissable," he murmured into my neck. "That's always your excuse," I said. "Seriously, Grayson. The carnival starts in less than an hour." He looked at me with a smile. "Happy anniversary." "You remembered," I said. "Of course I did," he said. "I'll never forget that on March 29th, you decided to give me another chance and it was on that day that I told you I love you and you told me." "Well, I do love you," I said. "Since I remembered our anniversary, can we make out?" "You have an obsession," I said. "And the answer is no. I told you, I have to get ready." "But you're already so beautiful," Grayson said. "Thank you, but that doesn't change anything," I said. "Now get off." Grayson sighed deeply before giving me one more kiss. He got off of me and sat down on his bed. "Go get ready," he said. "And by the way, I am deeply offended that you don't want to make out." I rolled my eyes, kissing his cheek before walking out of his room and heading to mine. It took me a while to get ready and by the time I did, it was five minutes to two. I went downstairs and put my shoes on, waiting for Grayson. He finally came down the stairs, running his hand through his messy hair. "Did you seriously just get out of bed?" I asked. "Maybe?" I sighed. "Let's just go." We got outside to his car and climbed in. By the time we got to our school, the carnival had already started. It was set up outside in the back of the school since it was quite huge. Grayson held my hand and led me to the ticket booth. We both bought a few tickets before we walked around, checking everything out. Grayson suddenly stopped in his tracks, closing his eyes as he rubbed his forehead. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Mhmm..." "Are you sure?" I asked. Grayson nodded, still rubbing his forehead. It took a while for stopped and when he did, he held my hand and continued walking as if nothing happened. I sighed, but I was so used to his behavior at times. Something would happen, whether it be a headache or he was feeling nauseous, but then he acted like nothing happened. When we finished walking around, Grayson asked me what I wanted to do first. I really had no idea, so he led me to a booth, the ring toss. "Really?" I asked. "This one is overdone." "If you think that, then you should try," he said. "Maybe I will," I said, handing my ticket to the student working behind the booth. She handed me three rings and I eyed the bottles sitting on the table behind her. They weren't that far away, so I should be able to make at least one shot. I didn't. I missed all three. Grayson snorted a laugh, biting his bottom lip so he wouldn't laugh out loud. "You think that's funny?" I asked. "Let's see you try." Grayson rolled his eyes and handed the student one of his tickets. After receiving his rings, he tossed them one by one towards the bottles. And what do you know? He made all three shots. "You're such a cheater," I muttered under my breath. Grayson chose his prize from the top shelf, which was a stuffed otter. Him and his otters. He loved them too much. He turned to me. "Want to know how much I love you?" he asked. He then held out the stuffed otter for me. "I am giving you an otter. Stuffed, yes, but an otter nonetheless." "Aww," I said, taking the otter out of his hand before giving him a hug. "You're so sweet." Grayson hugged me back after giving me a kiss. "I know I am. Come on, let's play other games and I guarantee you I'll beat you at all of them." "You're on," I said. For the next hour or so, Grayson and I basically competed against each other at every booth. And of course, he won at all of it. I was better playing video games than carnival games. Grayson gave me almost all of the prizes he won, even though I was telling him that he should keep his own prizes. He refused and basically shoved the prizes in my arms. It was almost our time to volunteer at the booth we chose, so we had to go to Grayson's car to drop off the prizes since my arms were practically full. After the prizes were dropped off, we headed back to the carnival. However, as soon as we got there, Grayson stopped to rub his forehead again. "Are you sure you're okay?" I asked. "I'm fine," he said through his clenched teeth. I knew him too well. He was lying. He wasn't fine. I didn't know exactly what was going on, but it seemed too familiar. I mean, the last time he was acting like this, it was because he... Oh, no. Not again. "Grayson, when was the last time you took your pills?" I asked, hoping I was overthinking it. I was hoping he was still taking his antidepressants and I had nothing to worry about. When Grayson didn't reply, my heart sank. He stopped taking them again. "Grayson..." "It's not helping me," he said, opening his eyes to look at me. "It's making my depression worse." "No, it's not," I said. "Your doctor said that it's helping you and she's your doctor. She knows that it's helping you." "She doesn't know how it's making me feel," Grayson said. "It's crap." "Then tell her you want something else," I said. "You can't just stop taking your antidepressants. Do you not remember what happened last time you stopped?" "Of course I do," Grayson said. "But that doesn't change anything! I don't want to take them!" "It should change something," I said. "Last time you didn't take them, we got into a huge argument that led to a car crash. You were in a coma for two weeks and I was paralyzed for two months! You think we wouldn't argue about it this time?!" "You're the one who's making a big deal about it!" Grayson said. "It's my choice, not yours!" "And your choice last time affected me!" I said. "I was alone for two weeks, wondering if you were ever going to wake up from your coma. I was there in the hospital when your heart stopped. I visited you every day in hope that you would wake up! I cried every night because I was scared you wouldn't wake up! Then I was paralyzed and I thought I would never walk again! Your choices affect me as much as it affects you!" "So basically, you're telling me to center my life around you," Grayson said. "What? No, that's not what I'm saying at all," I said. "All I'm saying is that your decisions affect other people, not just you." "You know what, Poppy? I don't give a damn," he said. "It's my depression and I got to choose what I do with it. Not you or anyone else, got it? If I don't want to take my antidepressants, then I'm not going to. So you have to deal with it, got it?" I ignored him as I started walking towards the booth we were going to be working at. He knew what happened the last time he stopped taking his antidepressants, yet he was doing it again. If he wanted to stop, he had to talk to his doctor about it. And I was pissed at him for not doing that. Grayson followed me to the booth, which was the dunk tank. We were one of the last few people to sign up for a booth, so we got stuck with the dunk tank. Tony was there since he was one of the teachers making sure everyone showed up. "There you two are," he said. "Okay, which one of you is going in the tank?" Grayson and I looked at each other and I knew that he didn't want to go in there. We never really talked about it, but there was one thing for sure; I wasn't going in there. "I would, but I can't," I said. "I'm on my period." I wasn't really, but they didn't know that. "No, you're not," Grayson said. "It's not due for another three days." Okay, so Grayson knew it. He always kept track so he knew when my mood swings were coming and when to comfort me. I found it sweet, but right now, I hated it. "It came early," I told him, crossing my arms over my chest. "No, it didn't," Grayson said. "I'm not going in," I said. Grayson sighed irritably before taking of his shoes, socks, and his shirt before climbing into the tank and sitting on the bench. I walked to where the person collecting the tickets was supposed to stand. "Are you going to be like this all day?" Grayson asked. "I wouldn't be if you weren't a stubborn person," I told him. "You kept it from me once again and you know that happened last time." "I told you, it's my choice," Grayson said. "You can't control my life." "I'm not," I said. "I care about you and I don't want you hurting yourself again." "I'm not going to," Grayson said. "I'm freaking nineteen years old, Poppy. I can handle myself and I don't need my girlfriend babying me." "I'm not babying you," I said. "Why are you always acting like this? You're treating your depression like it's nothing. I'm trying to help you through it, but you're not letting me." "You're not helping by not taking my side," Grayson said. "Are you kidding me?" I asked. "I can't take your side because it's the wrong one!" "Poppy?" a voice asked. I turned away from Grayson to see Belle and Devon. "We've... We want to try." Belle handed me a ticket. I took it and dropped it in the ticket box before handing her three baseballs. "Here," I said. "Do me a favor and make sure you hit the target." "Oh, come on," Grayson said. "What do you want me to say?" "Nothing," I said. "I'm done with this conversation." I moved out of the way so Belle could take her shot. She missed all three shots, making me sigh. I was very pissed at Grayson and I wanted to see him get dunked. "Poppy, stop with your damn attitude," Grayson snapped as Devon handed me his ticket. I gave him the three baseballs, really hoping his aim was better than Belle's. He was on the football team, so maybe that helped. Hopefully. "I told you, I'm done with the conversation," I said. "You're not even listening to what I'm saying. You're being stubborn over it, like always." Devon threw one of the balls, but he missed. It was so close to hitting the target. "I'm not being stubborn," Grayson said. "It's my choice and you shouldn't have a say in it." Devon threw the second ball, still missing, though it was closer than last time. "You should at least tell me about it," I said. "I'm your girlfriend." Devon threw the last ball, hitting the target, but it wasn't hard enough to dunk Grayson. "Yeah? Well, it's times like these where I wish you weren't," Grayson snapped. I was taken aback when he said that, my heart stinging. Grayson realized what he said. "Crap. No no, Poppy, I didn't mean that, I swear." "I can't believe you said that," I said, tears forming in the corner of my eyes. "Poppy, I swear, I didn't mean it," he repeated. "Then why did you say it?" I asked. "No, actually, don't tell me. Don't speak to me again." I walked away from the dunk tank, but not before pressing the target hard enough to make the bench collapse under Grayson and sending him into the water. I sat down on a bench far from the booths, wiping tears from my eyes. I couldn't believe Grayson actually said there were times he wished I wasn't his girlfriend. He had never said anything that hurtful to me before. "Poppy!" I heard Grayson call nearby. I saw Grayson hurrying over to me, his shirt and shoes back on. I got up to go somewhere else, but Grayson grabbed my wrist to stop me. "Please, Poppy, I didn't mean to say that. I was just agitated, but I swear, I didn't mean it at all. Don't... Don't be mad at me. Please." I turned to face him, seeing the guilty expression on his face. "You can't keep doing this. You can't keep shutting me out when I'm trying to be there for you." I pulled my wrist out of his grasp. "I need to be alone right now, okay? I'm tired of you hiding things from me and I don't want to deal with it right now." I was walking away when Grayson yelled, "You want me to tell you everything?! Fine! I would be dead right now if it weren't for you!" I stopped and turned around to face him. "Don't you dare bring that up." "Bring what up? "Grayson asked. "The school one or the one where I cut my wrists? Because I wasn't talking about either of those. A few days ago, I was about to attempt suicide again. I was so close to doing it, but I stopped, because of you." I knew what day he was talking about. It was Monday, after school. He was in quite the mood that day, but I didn't know he was planning attempting to do it. Once I heard the most amazing news ever, I hopped off my bed to find Grayson. He had been waiting for this for a long time, so hopefully he would be happy to hear it. He wasn't in his bedroom or the kitchen, so he must have been in the basement. "Grayson?!" I called before walking down the stairs. "Are you there?!" "Uh, yeah!" he called back. I smiled before happily going down the stairs. He was sitting on the couch, looking at his hands. Surprisingly, the TV or PS4 wasn't even on. I sat down on his lap, hooking my arms around his neck. "So," I said. "I have the most amazing news. Remember the arcade that was going to be built nearby?" Grayson nodded. "They opened up yesterday. We should go today!" "I don't know," he said. "I don't really feel like going." I frowned. He had been waiting for months for the arcade to open. It was supposed to be huge. "Really?" I asked. "I thought you wanted to go to it." "I do, but I don't feel like going today," he said. "Hey," I said softly. "Is everything okay?" "Yeah," he said. "I'm just not in a good mood." "I can change that," I said with a smile. "I doubt it," Grayson said quietly. He really was in a bad mood. What was going on? "I was about to cut my wrists," Grayson told me. "But then you called for me, came downstairs, and all those feelings went away. I... I couldn't hurt you. Look at your hand." I looked down at my hand, seeing the promise ring he gave me for my eighteenth birthday. "I made you a promise. I promised that I'll ask you to marry me one day. And I couldn't break that promise. You mean the world to me. I say stupid things I don't mean at times. I promise that I didn't mean anything I said. Just, please. Please... Don't... Don't hate me." I didn't say anything for a bit. I was still trying to process everything Grayson had just said. Finally, I sighed. "I could never hate you, Grayson. But... What you said at the dunk tank, even if you didn't mean it, it hurt. A lot. I never thought you would ever say something like that." "I know," Grayson said. "I know, it was stupid of me. If I could take it back, I would. I'll do anything to make it up to you. Just... Don't leave me alone right now. I... I need you more than ever. I promise I'll take to my doctor about the antidepressants. Please, Poppy." I wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug. "I'm sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have freaked out on you again." "You had every right to," Grayson said as he hugged me back. "I was being stubborn again. I'm really sorry, Poppy. I'll make it up to you, I promise." I shook my head. "You don't have to." "I know, but I will."