Chapter 32

It hit me hard. I just realized how deeply my damage had gone. I had wounded her beyond repair. 'I am not here to apportion blame on anyone, Liora. This is me trying to say that I am sorry, and ask for the opportunity to do the right things. Can't we at least try to start over, please?" In disagreement, she shook her head, her face void of any smile. 'Never, Jaxon. We can't be a couple anymore. I refuse to be your backup plan. You only came back to me because Seraphina is no longer available. Had it been she's still available, you wouldn't have shown your face?" I opened my mouth, ready to defend myself, but I couldn't find the right words. She was right. Liora crossed her arms in a manner that suggested she was done talking to me. 'I am ready to fight for this pack; I'll make sure I defend it with everything in me; it's my land, my people, but I waste my time on you. I did that before, but not anymore. I won't be that option that you tossed out without thinking in a blink but comes back to me when you are done exhausting all your options." 'I'm not demanding much from you, Liora. I only want a second chance, a chance to make amends." She remained unmoved. 'You think it's easy to forget what happened? What happens when you go back to your usual self again, when you meet a better version of what you want? Will you hesitate in tossing aside like you did to your first choice? You hurt two women, Jaxon. And you won't stop that habit. There's every possibility that it will soon be my turn." 'I would...I won't try... never in my life will I..." 'Stop, right there!" With a cold voice, she cut me off sharply. 'I'm done listening to the excuses. And to think you suck at giving excuses. Do you think I am not aware you still admire Seraphina? It would be unwise to allow you to hurt me again." I was already desperate; I couldn't accept the rejection, no, not until she gave me a yes. 'Liora, believe me, I am ready to be your man." She let out a dry and shallow laugh. 'Jaxon, it's very impossible for you to change that easily. Maybe my presence made you think so because of what you are about to lose, but deep down, you know yourself. You are nothing but an indecisive and reckless Alpha. I don't have any trust in you again." She sounded convinced that I was nothing but a plague, but I still tried again. Just this once. 'Please, Liora, don't do this to me. I'm begging for another chance, please." She stood up, opened the door, and ushered me out. 'You should have given that a thought before taking action, Jaxon. It's way too late." I was left speechless, staring at the door that hosted the only one that my heart beat for. Is this what it feels like to be rejected? If yes, I deserve even more. I had hurt her and humiliated her a thousand times, but she stood strong. Just this once, I felt like the weight of the whole world was on me. Liora had the right to reject me, I don't blame her. This is more than pleading with the mouth, it's easier said than done. I don't know her to be aggressive, but I pushed her too hard, way too hard than she could take. I made the wrong choice, and I would live with the consequences of my actions. I broke off my engagement to Seraphina just to be with Liora, but now, none is guaranteed, and worst of all, Seraphina is coming for me. I walked home, shameless, but determined. I must win Liora back. Yes, I must win her back. Liora's POV I had closed the door behind Jaxon in anger, not caring about what he thought of me at that moment. My emotions were not stable. I had hoped to play a fast one on him and allow him to wallow in regrets and consequences of his actions, but my emotions kept betraying me. A part of me wanted to push him out of my life, to punish him for how he humiliated me, but another part was rebelling against my wish, craving to have him by my side all the time. I wanted to open my mouth wide and scream and, if possible, say all the hurtful words to free my chest. I wished to hurl out every insult I could recall gathering from my brain, to pour everything on him, but I couldn't bear him being sad. A part of me that I hated so much, a part that kept betraying me and longing for him, even my wolf is in support of this part. I was happy that he rejected Seraphina for my sake, but won't he change again and reject me the second time since he's more skilled at rejecting his women? Would he go back to his old ways and make me cry again? I was doubting his sincerity. Though it was in his eyes, I saw sense. Of judgment. Maybe I was seing sincerity in his eyes because I still have feelings for him. I sank onto a nearby chair, cupping my face with my hands. What was happening to me? How can I possibly still be in love with my tormentor? I lost guard and allowed my heart to go after him, even after the wrongdoings. I would have gladly followed him, but the fear of being traumatized again didn't allow me. I hated that I loved how he smiled, how he carried himself in his confused state. I hated that he had me in his palm; all of me was right in his palms, but he wasn't aware yet. I needed to talk, to pour out my heart, then, Mira flashed my heart. I sent a message to her immediately; she needed to get here fast before I lost it. I needed her company more than anything, to make me laugh perhaps. It wasn't long before she arrived, running like a mother hen to protect her chick. Just her running alone was enough to make me smile. When she reached where I sat, everything about her expression was screaming concern. I am very lucky to have Mira in my life. She's the sister that I never had. 'What happened, Liora? You don't look good to me. Did you encounter a ghost?" I waved her joke away and gestured to a chair for her to sit down. 'Who else, if not Jaxon? He came over to my place for a talk. He ended things, so he said. He's no longer engaged to Seraphina and… he did that to have us, have me back." Mira's eyes flew wide open. 'Wow, that's quite unexpected and huge! How do you see his action, does it sit well with you?" 'Mixed feeling, that's what I feel," I admitted truthfully. 'A stupid part of me is overjoyed, thrilled that he made that move, that he could risk the rot of Seraphina to have me around him, but I'm still scared, Mira. He could change his mind anytime, you know, since he's already used to changing his mind." Mira hugged me, a warm hug, just exactly what I needed. 'You know the popular saying about love, it's a risk. But don't ever deprive yourself of the opportunity of being happy again because of the risks involved." I sighed as I balanced her chest. 'I don't know what to do next. He declared that he wanted me back, which was a mutual feeling, but fear wouldn't allow me to decide. My heart is not for gambling." Mira smiled, a smile that confused me as she raised an eyebrow. 'But let's get something right here. Do you still love him? You do, right?" I frowned as l realized where she was heading. 'It's not of any importance if I still love him. We are talking about protecting my heart; I'm taking precautionary measures to ensure I am safe, Mira." 'But I could see a man that's genuinely trying to prove himself," she explained. 'Isn't that a good start?" I had lost count of the number of times I had sighed since Mira came. 'What if he was truly keeping me as his backup plan, ready to crawl back to me if Seraphina is more available again? I hate it when I'm treated as a second option." Mira held me tighter. 'It's fair to note that. But what if he's truly making efforts to change because of you? Don't you at least find out what it's all about? It could be the push you needed to make your final decision." 'It would be wise you let him in, but at a slow pace," Mira suggested wisely. 'Take it entirely slow. Just break off communication with him entirely. By keeping him close you would discover what he wants from you. If he means business, he wouldn't complain waiting for you to make up your mind." 'That's a great idea," I finally admitted. 'I would keep him close, but it will only happen on my terms." "What terms?" Mira asked.