Chapter Thirty

I don't utter a single word in the car, I didn't even turn to look at Austin even once. My mind couldn't wrap its way around the event that just happened, what the heck was Austin thinking?! I know Markus has to be involved in it somehow, or he wouldn't have reacted the way that he did afterwards. Once we pull up at the apartment, I didn't wait for him to turn the car off before I climb out. I didn't want to sit there and allow him to tell me how it was all Markus's fault, Austin does have his own mind to make his own decisions. Kissing his best friends girlfriend is a big decision that he made! I climb the stairs to the apartment while Austin closes his car door, I was unlocking the apartment door as he was still at the button of the stairs. I enter the apartment and head towards my bedroom, while I hear the front door close behind me. Austin must have ran up the stairs to catch up. 'Payton please" Austin starts to say but I shake my head looking back at him for a second, I didn't even know who I was looking at right now. 'No, just give me some space" I tell him harshly before turning back around and walking into my bedroom, before I could shut the door he appears preventing me from doing so. 'I told you to give me some space, get out!" I shout trying to close the bedroom door on him, but he wouldn't budge and managed to walk through the door no problem. 'No I'm not leaving it like this, you need to listen to me and let me explain" he says fully in the bedroom now, I give up trying to push him out but do walk away from him to stand in the middle of the room. 'Yes please explain to me! Why would you force me to kiss you when you know full well that I'm in a relationship with your best friend?!" I ask losing my cool, saying it out loud was only causing me to get even angrier! 'I didn't have any other choice Payton, Markus kept telling me that he highly doubts that you and I were a real couple. You know if he found out the truth he'd be so angry" he tells me while I just roll my eyes, in all honesty, I didn't care what Markus thought or did at this point. 'What does that man want us to do then, start doing the deed on the floor?!" I ask being totally dramatic but I wouldn't put it past Markus at this point, Austin's face holds shock at my outburst but he does shake it off. 'I really didn't have any other choice Payton, Markus was getting so suspicious and told me if I didn't prove to him we were really together, he would try and do it himself on you" he tells me while my eyes go wide, Markus was going to come onto me while there, what a creep?! 'I know you're angry, but I honestly did it so Markus wouldn't take advantage of you" he tells me looking me in the eyes as he spoke, this does successfully make me start to feel bad for shouting, I can never stay mad at someone if they tell me they only did it because they cared. 'You could have warned me" I say which does cause him to nod his head, I mean yes I wouldn't have liked it but at least it wouldn't have been a surprise attack! 'Roman would be so angry if he found out" I say walking over to my desk to place my purse down, we really can't let Roman find out, I don't even want to imagine what he'd do. 'Roman won't find out unless one of us tell him, which I know you won't do" he says where it was my turn to nod my head, thankfully no one I knew saw what happened between us. 'What we did wasn't necessary a bad thing Payton" he sighs taking a sit on my bed behind me, I whip my head around sending him a shocked look. 'How was what happened not a bad thing, have you somehow forgotten that Roman exists all of a sudden?!" I ask trying to get him to see how bad this really was, he's known Roman way longer than I have so he knows how he'll get, I'll be locked in the house for months away from anyone if this gets out! And I'm not being dramatic when I say that. 'Of course I haven't forgotten about Roman-' he starts to say but sighs taking a look down at the floor, I take a step closer to him worried something wasn't right with him. 'There's been something I've wanted to tell you for years, but I've never had the guts to" he says still not looking up from the ground, I take another step towards him getting majorly worried. 'Just tell me Austin" I say which does make him sigh another huge sigh, this not making me feel better about the situation in the slightest. 'When we were in school, I had the biggest crush on you, but Roman got to you first and him being my best mate, I had to let you go" he sighs not daring to make eye contact with, I had no idea he ever had any type of crush on me, he sure never acted like he did! 'You don't have any feelings for me now do you?" I ask a little worried, I know he probably doesn't because that's when we were in school and I know he's been in relationships since that point, nothing too serious but they still happened. 'I've tried my hardest to hide the feelings, but they keep coming back. Roman being away for months and us having to act like a real couple, they've come back again and are stronger' he confesses while my eyes go wide, there's no way that Austin seriously has feelings for me, us acting like a couple has probably just messed his mind up and he thinks he does! I just stare at him sitting on the bed, I didn't know how I was supposed to respond to what he just told me. I'm with Roman and love him to death, I can't picture my life without Roman in it as my boyfriend. As I told Brooke the day Roman left, I haven't once thought about leaving him to go with another man. That includes Austin, I've never thought of Austin in that way at all! He's done a good job at hiding the way he feels towards me, but things just weren't making sense in my mind! Austin has been so kind to me recently, so I don't want to ruin what we've worked so hard over these parts few months and it just go down the plug hole because Austin wants to confess his feelings! I didn't know what I was supposed to do with this information but I knew one thing, this couldn't get out. 'Roman can never find out about this" I tell him finally speaking for the first time since receiving this information, we just need to pretend that this conversation never happened. 'Would it be so bad if he did find out?" He asks still sat on the bed like this wasn't a big deal, if Roman does find out this will be the biggest of deals! 'Of course it would be bad, Roman is my boyfriend and you're supposed to be his best friend!" I exclaim trying to drill it into his mind, we're the two people Roman trusts the most, how horrible would that be for him to find out about this?! 'Payton, I don't want to deny the feelings that I have you anymore, I spent years doing that exact thing and it sucked" he tells me now standing up from the bed, I remain where I was standing shaking my head at him. 'You just need to forget about those feelings you have for me, I'm with someone else" I tell him not wanting this to get more complicated than it has to be, I hope it's not awkward when Roman gets home. 'That's something I physically cannot do" he says which really wasn't helping the situation we're in right now, he really wasn't playing ball here! 'What do you want from me then Austin?" I ask throwing my arms in the air as I went, I was at a lost of the options that we had here, it definitely wasn't us telling Roman about this that's for sure. 'I don't want anything from you, I just couldn't carry on hiding the feelings that I have for you away anymore" he tells me taking another step towards me, the gap that we had was quickly getting smaller. I just take a look up at him shaking my head, I didn't know what I was supposed to say. When I tell him to forget about the feelings, he tells me he can't. But I just don't have the same feelings towards him, I'm with Roman and only want to be with Roman. I take a look down to the floor trying to come up with something to say, as I do I feel him take my hand in his which does make me whip my head up to look at him. He stared deep into my eyes, while I was just studying his face. 'I don't want you feeling at all bad Payton, this is my problem that I will deal with" he says softly his eyes still not leaving mine, but it shouldn't just be his problem. 'One day, you'll move on and find another amazing girl and forget all about me" I smile trying to make him feel better, I didn't want him to always wait for me to stop loving Roman and move onto him, that's something I know will never happen. He looks down at me with a little smile shaking his head, he has to at least give it a try! 'That's not possible Payton" he tells me which makes me sigh, maybe he feels that way now. 'The only person I want is you and I won't settle for anyone else, I know you're with Roman and how much you love each other. This isn't your fault which means you don't have to change or do anything" he tells me whilst bringing his hand up to cup my face, I just stare deep into his eyes as he went. I knew what was about to happen so I shake my head away, I couldn't do this or lead Austin on in anyway. Things will never happen between us, mainly because I'm with Roman and will know what would happen if he found out. 'We can't do this Austin, I'm with Roman and only love Roman" I say telling him the hard truth, I didn't want him to feel bad but I couldn't just let this carry on. 'I know" he tells me before leaning forward and placing a long soft kiss on the top of my head, I didn't know why I was getting upset but tears begin to want to prick my eyes which I held back. 'I'll fix something up for us for dinner" he says rubbing his thumb over my hand one last time before pulling away and walking out of the room. I stand there shocked for a few seconds before falling back on my bed, not knowing what to do to handle this situation.