Chapter 49

How could I desire him to caress me this badly? To hold me and tell me ‘it's okay'. What was happening to me? Shifting back, I looked down at my laps, a hint of hesitation began to take over me. When he had supported me this much then he deserved to know why I was this agonized. 'Hey, you okay? Is there something… you want to speak?" There were countless things I wanted to say but it was neither time nor the moment for it. In fact what could I possibly say when you are here already? 'Uh.." I should tell him why I was feeling this way, that I was in a bad need of support. I never told Jared about it but I didn't know why, my heart was convinced to share my regret with him. 'You must be thinking when I was mentally prepared for Father's death then why I was so devastated, right?" 'I was but I thought it wouldn't be the right time to ask." He agreed, plopping on his one elbow, placing his attention to me. 'I told you the one with a heavy heart refuses to come back. See, he didn't." I chuckled dryly, perplexing him. 'Heavy heart?" Gathering my courage and scattering emotions, I finally told him why I was so devastated. 'That I put him in this condition." 'What..?!" 'I was not always kind. I was like you, exactly like you. I was a teenager, I was spoiled and used to be a bully." I laughed dryly. Ah, those times when I used to be the worst one. 'Really? I honestly cannot imagine you like this." He smirked, furrowing his eyebrows in disbelief. 'But, I was, I was so horrible and gave a scar my Father took along to his grave. That day… Dariel," Taking a prolonged pause, my throat dried, unsure what to tell him and how. Would he place me at fault too? 'It's alright, you can share it with me." Breaking my painful worries, he held my hand, allowing me to trust him and share the weight I was carrying all these years with him. 'I told him I hate him and then he had his accident and went into a coma and now he is no more. I.. I never got a chance to apologize. My last words to him were ‘I hate you'. I began to think I did this to him." 'What…?" Taken aback, he got up quickly, not expecting I could do such a horrible thing, especially to my Father. Tears began to collect in my eyes, failing to bear this ache inside me anymore, I broke into a sob, 'I was such a bad daughter. I did this to him," 'I gave a scar to his heart. I never got to apologize, I have no idea if he had forgiven me or not." I began to cry, legs crossed, tears rolling down and I was sobbing like a kid. Remorseful about that one chance I could never gain. 'I just wanted him to know that I never meant it. I am not a horrible person. I don't want him to hate me. And now I don't know if had forgiven me or not." I cried, covering my face in my hands. The main reason I had become like this, forgiving and kind, all because I didn't want to hurt anything with my tongue or my actions anymore. I was not strong enough to carry this guilt. 'Don't be silly, of course he did. He is your Father, your voice has reached him, don't worry." He almost panicked, holding my wrist to espy at my tear face. Sniffling, I shivered slightly, looking at him expectantly, 'You think so?" 'Yes." He nodded, giving me some tissues to wipe my tears and runny nose but I couldn't help it. I just wanted him to know. 'You know some rich bastard hit him with his car and ran away from there. It used its power and hid itself. I don't even get to know who did it. I couldn't get him justice, I couldn't say sorry, I could do anything." I chuckled in between my sobs, wiping my tears to not release further tears. 'And then you decided to become kind? For better?" He whispered. And strangely, when I was wiping my tears, they flowed out. When ‘he' wiped them, they stopped. 'Mhm. I had sworn to never change and will never, no matter how hard you try. I have my reasons to be who I am today, Dariel." I whispered innocently, not believing how easily his fingers wiped those salty tears. 'I understand that but too much kindness is also not good." Moving his hand down, he took my hand and kissed them, making my blood hum with electrification as I stared intensely at his desirable face. 'I won't let you fall into the traps of this dark world. You are too delicate." He whispered and I was not myself anymore when he kissed my hands. I had no idea when those feelings started to evoke but I couldn't stop them anymore. 'Why don't I be how I am and you protect me?" I asked gently, eradicating our gap. He smiled at my question and raised one eyebrow. 'What do you think I am doing now?" And that was the second, I realized that after going through denial and needs- What was never supposed to occur between us began to happen- at least for me. His one sentence evoked the emotions I kept at bay, he unshackled my heart in one statement. Protecting me…? Making me remember how he told me too- ‘People like you die easily in this world and by all means I cannot let you die.' 'We.. um.. we should sleep." I mumbled hastily, locking those feelings knocking on my chest but they refused to settle down. Clearing my throat, I moved to my side, hoping he won't go back to his couch again. 'Hmm." He didn't react much and laid down on the bed, next to me, after turning off the lights. My heart skipped a beat, an unknown gaiety rose in me. Thanks to the darkness, he couldn't see my smile. We didn't speak further, the fact he was right next to me was enough to tranquilize me. We were on the bed, so I turned to him to observe his muscular form closely with uncontrollably beating sensations. His eyes were closed, looking serene yet eye-catching by nothing, releasing rapid breaths. Scooting closer, I called, wondering if he was awake. 'Dariel." 'Hmm?" 'Thank you for staying again." Curling my lips in a sincere smile, I couldn't stop myself from not extending my hand and wrapping it around his arm. His strong body gave me a sense of protection. I did what my heart told me. I pray he won't push me away. 'I have told you, I understand your pain. I would have done the same for anyone." He sighed, covering his face with his free hand. So? 'Have you done the same for anyone, even Veronica?" I asked suspiciously. 'Yeah, I guess." He hummed, not thinking deeply. I thought it would hurt me but surprisingly it didn't. That showed that he is not cruel as he was showing after all. And besides- 'But, the fact you did it for ‘me' is special to me. I only care that you are here for me." 'I guess I am not that much of an insensitive bastard after all." We both chuckled slightly and I looked up at him in pure mesmerization and he had no idea about it. No idea that my stares were becoming stronger than his. An untold delight brimming in my chest as I locked my eyes on him with a pure smile, thinking how I should tell him what I had begun to feel. ‘How can I tell you that I am falling for you?'