Chapter 52

DARIEL'S POV:- How could I tell you I forget everything when my name comes on your lips? How could I tell you that it's not that I didn't understand, I know, just not react? How could I tell you that I had all the answers yet I didn't reply? How could I tell you ‘anything', Saafia? Falling in a daze, I was blankly staring at my laptop's screen with these questions roaming wildly. There were too many thoughts and so little replies. 'How… hard simple questions can be?" It was Sunday, each second I was spending with her was driving me insane so to avoid her, I was in my studies, wearing my white buttoned shirt with two buttons opened, rolled sleeves and black pants. Sitting on the couch, I thought working would help me. It didn't. Nothing was helping me for the past months in her matter. 'Dariel." A knock appeared on my door. Shutting my eyes, my jaw clenched and rubbed my temples as it was her melodious tone, calling me. 'Hmm?" I responded coldly, not bothering to look up at her. How did it happen in the first place? 'You look tired." Trailing off, I could hear her footsteps approaching me, making my heart thump when she reached near. 'Here. I made some coffee for us- Ah!" She almost tripped and the cup was about to fall on her but she regained her balance quickly. 'What happened, Saafia?!" My body reacted on its own. Panicking, I looked up immediately. Control left me when I heard her one worried sound as I held her hand and put the tray away. 'It's alright, it didn't spill." She chuckled nervously while taking a seat but I didn't release her hand. In fact, I tightened my grip. 'You should be careful. What if it spilled and burned your hand? You should watch it." I whispered worriedly, scolding her. Her sweetness gradually dropped, confusion replaced it. 'Would it hurt you if it burned my hand?" She asked vaguely, not reacting for a moment. 'Of course, it would-" I was about to hiss but stopped when the instant realization of my actions sank in. An unwanted shiver went down my spine when I was not myself anymore. Closing my mouth, I forced down the lump due to unbearable perturbation and was about to pull my hand away but her grip tightened. 'Dariel," She called me desperately. In the past weeks, her demeanor with me had changed and it was evoking feelings I never let exist nor I intend to accept. I had stopped seeking an unreachable path. Keeping that in mind, I looked away, roughly pulling my hand away as I maintained a distance with her. 'Stop… whatever you are doing to me." Breathing out heavily, I kept my eyes on the ground. The distress emerged from my aura, allowing her to know what she was forcing me to go through. But, amid my vexation, I failed to grasp her insecurity which I had no idea when arose in a weak soul. 'Why do you push me away from you? Am I.. not desirable? Am I truly… Out of your league?" My mouth gaped, I shot my head in her direction with pure astonishment that the words which we spoke out of fun pricked her heart. It didn't happen at the start. 'Am I not enough?" We both were kidding, right? Did she take everything I said till now as a complaint in her heart? Was I making her heart heavy all this time? Please be a lie. 'It's not about being out of league or desirable, Saafia, it's about who you are. I do not intend to fall for a soft-hearted person. I can't be with someone who would let this world take advantage of her." I reasoned hastily because anything I spoke could create a bigger mess. Those were never my intentions. 'But, you can protect me." She reasoned, holding my front panel, opening another button when she pushed me forward hopelessly. The more I was resolved to neglect her and her vacuous talks, the more she was enhancing them. Growling, I returned a glare. 'I can't! Why would I?! Who are you to me?!" I whisper-yelled, yanking her hand away from me. Exhausted from my lack of apprehending her context, her voice broke. 'I am your wife, Dariel!" 'How many times do you want me to tell you that I won't want you!?" Done with her behavior for the past time, I got up angrily, forcing my perception down to her core so she won't forget the boundaries of our bond. 'But, I do!" … But she was determined to break them. The need in her eyes displayed that she was prepared to shatter all the limits we created and cross them- And for what? What would she gain? '... You have lost yourself, Saafia." Taking a step away, tense, I defensively pull back. Holding my sides, I pressed my teeth together. Collecting my thoughts and emotions, I struck back with an immensely enraged yet dead look. 'I am repeating this again-" My tone went lower, pointing my finger at her dominantly to remind her of her place in case she forgot because I won't let anything exist between us. 'I only married you for revenge. You are not my wife nor will I ever consider you one." 'Dariel-" She tried to call me but giving her a warning glare to stay where she was, my steps retreated. Stunned, she fell on the couch with tears filling those big eyes but forcing myself to look away, I walked out of my studies. Slamming the door furiously behind me, I cursed. Pushing my hair, I made them messy, panting to catch air while resenting the emotional disaster I was going through. Soon, she started crying and the sound of her sob, me being the reason behind those salty tears tore my emotions apart. 'Dammit." Growling, I thought about walking away, about leaving her all alone to cry at her fate and murder that absurd perspective of hers. …. I should have left. I didn't. 'You are doing this deliberately to make me crazy, don't you!?" Hissing, I slammed the door open and kicked it close. She gasped in fright at my abrupt arrival. Losing my mind due to her breathless and teary state, I forced her to stand and pushed her harshly against the wall. 'You want me to lose my mind, huh!?" She winced in pain when I held her one arm roughly. Feeling her shivers but holding a grip on myself was not possible. I was forced by my soul to react like this. 'Dariel, let me go-" She whimpered and unintentionally amplifying her dread, I slammed my hand on the wall. 'Then stop crying!" Shutting her eyes, she covered her mouth, trembling. Afraid of me, letting out muffled cries. When my eyes contemplated the apprehension I managed to induce, I gradually relaxed. 'You know your tears drive me insane. I can't bear it." Removing her hand from her mouth, I placed our hand tied together beside her head, keeping her small body against the wall to stare into my eyes. To look and know what I had been going through too, to see my hesitations too. 'Saafia, please…" Softening my tone, my emotions broke their shackles and I gave her a miserable look. Silently begging to release me from whatever cage she was trying to imprison me in. 'Dariel, please…" And it seemed like none of my desperations reached her. Because she doubled them by placing her hand over my heart and replying in the same tone. 'Stop making me feel like I am not worth it." My eyes widened in repulsion, mouth gaping to perceive that she thought like this. 'What?! Stop thinking ridiculously. It's nothing like this." I whispered quickly, closing my gap between us and the heartbreak I saw in her eyes. It broke my heart. Why? How? 'How can I believe it? How can I believe that you actually feel anything towards me, you don't compliment me, always taunts me, you didn't even want to sleep with me-" 'Shut up, dammit!" Before she could continue her mindless rambling about useless things and agonize me more than she already did by her point of view- I did what I considered right to seal those painful voices. I kissed her. I let my body take control. Placing my lips upon her, I pressed her harder against the wall and cupped her cheek with the hand I held her arm. She was too shocked to react as I passionately, slowly, moved my lips. ‘So fucking perfect,' I thought. I lifted her face, inclining her to my level so I could experience immaculate exploration, kissing her, pouring my heart, my everything in my action. And a smile reached my lips when she reciprocated the feelings. Pulling my shirt, she kissed me back, creating a rhythm. Moving my fingers across, I pulled her hair while biting her bottom lips, earning a moan which seduced me more than I imagined. I no longer knew what I was doing or why.