8. Incitement From Ex

AMBER. The city lights flashing outside the car window felt like running shadows. I sat with my back tense in the passenger seat, hands gripping the edge of my small bag tightly. Evan's car was traveling at a steady pace, but it felt like my breathing was getting ragged. "Evan, why does it have to be at night?" I asked, trying to sound casual despite the anxiety in my chest. He gave me a quick glance, the corners of his lips lifting into a smile that was far too casual for this situation. "We need a comfortable place to talk. Take it easy, Amber. I know you don't like crowded places, so I chose something... different." I snorted softly, finding it hard to believe. Half an hour ago, I had refused his invitation. As usual, he knew how to force me to give in-with the right words, a melting tone of voice, and a promise to "work things out" that somehow still managed to touch my heart. The car stops in front of a building with neon lights that twinkle in the dark night. Music thumped softly from inside, as if beckoning people to enter. I knew right away this wasn't the place I'd imagined. "Evan," I called out, my tone firmer now. "Is this... a nightclub?" He got out of the car, walked around, and opened my door before I could protest further. "Yes, but take it easy. We won't be long. I just want to talk." I hesitated. Very hesitant. However, he stood there with his hand outstretched, his gaze full of conviction as always. And just like before, I was forced to follow his lead, even though my whole body rebelled. Once inside, the mixed scent of alcohol, expensive perfume, and cold air from the air conditioner greeted me immediately. Strobe lights swirled, making the room feel like an illusion. Loud music hit my ears, making me almost lose my balance. Evan took my arm gently, guiding me through the crowd of people dancing on the dance floor. I felt like I'd been thrown into a world that wasn't mine-a place I'd avoided for a long time, a place I never expected to return to. "Shall we talk here?" I asked in a sharp tone as he led me to a corner of the room. He just smiled, called the waiter over, and ordered something I couldn't quite make out. "Relax, I know this isn't your favorite. But this is a safe place, Amber. No one will bother us." I hugged myself, trying to ignore the glances of the people around. "Just tell me, Evan. What do you really want?" He leaned back on the sofa, stirred his drink with a straw, then looked at me with a look in his eyes that was hard to interpret. "I just want to know... do you ever have regrets?" His question pierced deeper than I expected. I stared at him sharply, trying to hold back the sudden rush of emotions. "Regret what?" He shrugged lightly, as if it was a trivial question. "Regretting leaving everything behind-me, us. Do you ever feel like something's missing?" I snorted, trying to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, but my laughter was drowned out by the music. "You really brought me here just to ask me that? Evan, this is crazy." He leaned forward, his face more serious now. "I'm just curious, Amber. Because I... I feel like that every day." His words froze all the protests that were on my tongue. I wanted to retaliate, wanted to say that I had forgotten everything, that I never thought about it again. But I knew that if I said that, I would just be lying. So, I chose silence. Let her speak. Letting her reopen old wounds that never fully healed. "I heard you're married, Amber." I sat on the chair, hands shaking despite my best efforts. My eyes stare straight ahead, trying to avoid his piercing gaze. Across the table, he sat with a straight posture, his expression flat yet full of questions. "So, you married him?" His voice was heavy, like a thunderclap in a quiet room. I nodded slowly, as if the words were already familiar to my ears. However, there was a tightness that infiltrated my chest, and I could barely hold my breath. "Why?" he asked again, more deeply this time. Like he was looking for a reason that was more than just what was visible on the outside. I bowed my head, trying to gather words. I wanted to answer firmly, but somehow my mouth felt stiff. He was a man I was once very close to, who I once thought would be my future. But that was all just a memory, and now I was living with new choices. "I... I just feel like it's for the best," I replied softly, my voice almost inaudible. "I... I feel like this is the right move." She paused for a moment, looking at me as if seeking reassurance from every word that left my lips. There was pain that I saw in her eyes, but there was also a kind of acceptance that was hard for me to accept. "So, you're really forgetting everything we went through?" he said, his voice starting to break, letting the emotions that had been hidden just come out. I bit my lip, trying to hold back the tears that were starting to well up. "I haven't forgotten you," I replied hoarsely. "But life goes on, and I have to make a decision." His gaze sharpened, as if he wanted to penetrate every defense I put up. "Is he the one who makes you happy?" The question cut deeper than I could have imagined. I swallowed, trying to look away. I didn't know how to answer. I couldn't measure happiness easily. "I... I don't know," I replied, honest with myself. "But I believe this is the path I must take." She paused, looking frustrated, but didn't say a word. There was just a silence that hung in the air, signaling that we were both already in different places, though it felt like I still heard the whispers of those memories in my ears. "You look happy," he said, the voice softer than I remembered, but there was a tone that implied doubt. I nodded, trying to show a calm face despite the turmoil in my heart. "I'm fine," I replied, avoiding his gaze as much as possible. However, he had already walked in and sat down next to me, there was no longer any distance between us, even though I longed to pull away. "Sure, you can always pretend. But, are you really happy with that guy?" he asked, still in a tone that was difficult for me to decipher. There was a kind of confusion wrapped up in every word he said. I looked at him, surprised. "What do you mean?" I tried to hold back the voice that was almost trembling. He chuckled, his voice that used to make my heart flutter now sounding sarcastic. "I know, you can make any excuse, but I know you better than anyone. He's not the man you need." There was a small tremor in my chest when she mentioned my husband. All the old memories started flooding back to me, forcing me to recall every word that had ever been spoken between us. I had to keep my distance. I had made my choice, I was married, I had chosen my path in life. "But he was good to me," I replied, trying to maintain composure. "He makes me feel safe, comfortable." My ex-boyfriend smiled, but his smile felt like a knife through skin. "That's what you think," He said. My face change to look curious. "But I know he doesn't really care about you. I know he has secrets that even you will never know. Are you sure he's never looked at another woman differently? I can see that." His words were like a poison that flowed slowly into my blood. I wanted to brush it off, wanted to forget everything, but why did his words feel so convincing? I tried to calm myself down, pushing away the anxiety that was starting to creep into my mind. "Don't incite me," I said, voice a little louder than before. "I've already chosen, and I'm happy. You have no right to doubt my choice." He looked at me deeply, as if he wanted to penetrate every defense I put up. "I just want you to know, you deserve more than that. Don't let yourself regret it later." I took a deep breath, trying to calm my accelerating heartbeat. "I won't regret it," I replied, despite the doubts that were starting to settle in my heart. He stood up, leaving his seat with light steps. "If you need someone to talk to, I'll always be there," he said, and walked away. Still, her words hung in the air, like a shadow that wouldn't go away easily. I stared at the tightly closed door, trying to quell the doubts that were slowly starting to seep into my heart. "I always know how to make you feel better," he said softly, almost in a whisper, like he knew I needed to hear it. I try to look away, but my eyes can't seem to escape his gaze. There was something there-something that made my heart oscillate between longing and regret. "Why did you come?" I asked, my voice no more than a whisper. It was a clichéd question, but I knew the answer wasn't simple. He moved a little closer, almost touching my shoulder. "Because I know you still have the same feelings. We both know that. You're just not ready to admit it," he replied with conviction, as if forcing me to face him, even though I wanted to run away. I looked down, trying to hold back the feelings that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "We're different now. You have your own life," I said, though my voice sounded hesitant. He lifted my chin gently, making me stare at him without being able to avoid. "Maybe we are indeed different. But does that mean we have to give up on what we used to have? We can still go back to the way we were, you know that. "We can have everything. There's nothing to be afraid of," he said, his voice deepening, filled with a temptation I couldn't resist. I swallowed, my heart beginning to fill with doubt and temptation. "What do you want from me?" I asked, voice almost inaudible, afraid of the answer. He smiled, a smile that could make the whole world feel like it belonged to both of us. "I want us back, with no rules, no guilt. We can have the relationship we want, no one needs to know. I still love you, and I know you still feel it too. What's stronger than that?" His words pierced straight to my heart, making me oscillate between the past full of beautiful memories and the life I was living now. I wanted to reject him, but why did it feel so hard? Something inside me seemed to want to take him up on his offer. I took a deep breath, trying to organize my feelings. "We can't be like this," I finally said, though I knew very well that those words were more out of my own fear. He just smiled, bringing his face closer to mine, so I could feel his breath on my skin. "Why not? Only we know the limits. Don't say no before we try." I paused, my heart beating so hard. He was right-we could do anything we wanted, with nothing standing in the way. But right then and there, I knew I was on the edge of a deep abyss, and the step I took could change everything.