7. Meet Ex-Boyfriend After Years

AMBER I sat on the edge of the bed, holding a thin gold ring in my hand. It glinted softly in the room light, as if it was mocking me. My breathing was heavy, and my mind kept wrestling with questions that wouldn't go away. Had I made the right decision? It all seemed so simple at first. A fake marriage. A contract. No love, no emotional bond-just an agreement for mutual benefit. I convinced myself that this was the best solution for my situation. I needed stability, he needed reputation. But now that things had officially begun, there was something nagging at the back of my mind, something that made my chest tighten every time I thought about it. I looked down, staring at my trembling fingers. The ring wrapped around my ring finger like an invisible band, reminding me that I now belonged to someone. But do I really "belong" to him? Or am I just a tool in his game? "Are you okay?" I gasped. The voice came from the door. Vincent stood there, his suit still neat despite the clock striking midnight. He looked at me with a flat expression, as always, but there was a hint of warmth in his eyes that I rarely saw. "Yes, I'm fine," I replied quickly, trying to hide the doubts that clouded my mind. He stepped inside, closing the door softly before walking closer. I felt the atmosphere of the room become heavier with his presence. He stopped in front of me, looking at me for a moment before sitting on the chair opposite me. "If you're okay, why do you look like you're thinking about something heavy?" he asked. I didn't answer right away. It was difficult to express these feelings to him, especially since he was the reason for all my indecision. I gripped the ring tighter, trying to find the right words. "Vincent," I finally began, my voice almost a whisper. "I... I was just wondering. Is this decision the right one?" He raised his eyebrows, looking slightly surprised. "What decision?" "This marriage," I replied, looking at him straight on. "All of this feels wrong. I feel like I'm losing myself." He let out a long breath, shifting his body a little closer. "You knew from the start this was just a deal, Amber. There were no feelings, no romantic promises. We both know what we're doing and why we're doing it." "But I didn't know it would feel like this," I said quickly, almost cutting her off. "I didn't know that every step I took would feel like I was selling my soul. I feel trapped, Vincent. Trapped in something that I may not be able to live with." She gave me a long look, as if trying to read my mind. I don't know what she was thinking, but her silence made me even more uneasy. "In that case, why did you agree to it in the first place?" he asked finally, his voice flat, but there was a sharp edge to it that I found hard to ignore. I fell silent. The question was like a slap in the face. Why did I agree to this? Because I needed an escape. Because I needed protection. I was too tired to fight everything alone. But were those reasons enough to justify what I was doing? "I think I can live with it," I said softly, almost in a whisper. "I thought I was strong enough to face everything. But now I'm not sure." She sighed again, heavier this time. "Amber, you have to remember one thing. We both have a stake in this marriage. You want stability, I need reputation. We are not a romantic couple, we are partners. If you start doubting this, it will only make things more difficult." Her words, though reasonable, felt cold to my ears. I knew he was right, but I couldn't ignore what I was feeling. I couldn't ignore the fact that every day, I felt like I was losing myself more and more. I looked down, gripping the ring tighter. "What if I want something more than just a deal?" I asked softly, almost as if talking to myself. He didn't answer. I lifted my face, looked at him, and for the first time, I saw something different in his eyes. Confusion, perhaps. Or maybe... fear? "I can't promise that, Amber," he finally said, his voice softer than usual. "I don't know how." That answer made my chest tighten even more. I knew he couldn't give me what I wanted, but hearing it straight from his mouth made it all feel more real. I nodded slowly, trying to accept the reality that was before me. "Alright," I said, my voice almost gone. "I just want you to know how I feel." He didn't answer, just looked at me with an expression that I couldn't interpret. I knew this debate wouldn't change anything, but at least, I had said it. I've given voice to the indecision that keeps haunting me. As Vincent stood up and left me alone in the room, I looked down at the ring on my hand once more. Its golden luster felt like an invisible weight, binding me to something I wasn't sure I could live with. And for the first time since this marriage began, I actually felt afraid. *** I stepped out of the building with a long sigh of relief. The heels I wore felt like punishment after hours of standing upright, but I didn't care. The interview had gone better than I expected. The HR manager smiled kindly the whole time, and I felt like I could answer every question confidently. At least, there was some hope. I looked up at the clear sky, taking a deep breath, letting the fresh air replace the tension that had inhabited my body since morning. Today felt like a new step, a small but important beginning in my life. However, just a few steps into the bus stop, that hope felt like it had been crushed. Someone stood there, tall with a thin body clad in a white shirt folded up to his elbows. His black hair was just as I remembered it, a little messy but somehow always looking perfect. He had his back to me, but I couldn't possibly misrecognize him. It was him. Evan. My heart skipped a beat, not because of homesickness or anything sweet. It wasn't. It's more like anxiety rushing through every pore of my body. I wanted to turn around, pretend I didn't see him, but he had already turned around first. And our gazes met. "Amber?" He said my name in an unchanging voice-warm, but this time interjecting surprise. I could only stand still, trying to read the expression on his face. He looked like he couldn't believe it, as if meeting me was the last thing on his mind today. I tried to smile, though it felt more like a grimace. "Evan. Hi." He stepped closer, and I had to remind myself to keep breathing. "How are you?" he asked in a tone that sounded sincere, but his eyes were too sharp, like he was trying to find more than just words. "I'm good," I replied shortly. I didn't know what else to say. "You?" She nodded slowly. "Good too." Silence. A silence that felt like a wide chasm between us, full of things we never got around to talking about. It felt strange. The last time I saw her, we were yelling at each other in the rain, breaking everything we'd built up over the years. And now, we were standing in the sun, trying to pretend there was nothing in the past. "So," he broke the silence, his hands stuffed into his pants pockets. "You're out of here?" He glanced at the building behind me. "Oh, yeah. I just applied for a job," I replied quickly, too quickly. I didn't want him to ask any further questions. She nodded again, then looked at me, too long. "Amber, I..." I knew that tone. I knew that look. And I knew I didn't want to hear whatever he was going to say. I know that tone. I know that look. And I knew I didn't want to hear anything he had to say. "Evan," I cut in, trying to sound firm even though my voice was shaking a little. "I'm in a hurry. If you want to talk, maybe another time, okay?" He looked disappointed, but he nodded. "Sure. Next time." I stepped back, made some distance, and then simply turned away. I didn't want to give those memories a chance to drag me back to where I didn't belong. But as I walked away, I could still feel her gaze on my back, as if she was searching for something missing. And perhaps, she wasn't the only one. "Amber." Her voice sounded low, as usual. There was a hesitant tone there, like he wasn't sure if I would actually answer. "We need to talk." I took a deep breath, trying to contain the rumbling in my chest. I knew where this was going, even though he hadn't made it clear. "About what?" I asked, trying to sound as calm as possible. "Our relationship," he replied without hesitation. "Everything that's unfinished between us. I can't go on like this." The sentence hung in the air, heavy and meaningful. I swallowed, feeling his words stab into the heart I thought was healed. "Evan, I think it's all clear," I said finally, though my voice sounded weaker than I expected. "We're over." "No," he cut in quickly. "It's not like that, Amber. I know I was wrong. I know I ruined it. But I can't stop thinking about you. I can't let things end like this." I sighed, closing my eyes. Part of me wanted to disconnect this call, close the door I had opened half a year ago. But another part kept calling me to listen to him, to give him a chance to explain. "What do you want, Evan?" I asked finally, my voice sounding tired. "I just need some time. One meeting. I want to talk to you, face to face. I want us to settle this the right way." I paused. How could I trust him? How could I be sure that this meeting would not open old wounds that I had worked so hard to close? "Amber," he called again, his voice softer now. "Please." The word melted away part of the fortress I had built inside me. Maybe it was the tone. Maybe it was the way he called my name. Or maybe because I knew, deep inside, I needed closure too. "Okay," I said finally, in an almost whispered tone. "But this is the last time, Evan. After this, no more talking about the past." "Thank you," he replied quickly, with a tone of relief that almost made me want to regret this decision. "I'll arrange a time." I hung up the call, leaving my cell phone lying on the table. My hands were still shaking, and the feelings raging inside me were hard to explain. There was a part that dreaded the meeting, but there was also a part that was curious-what did he really want to say? I stirred the coffee in front of me, even though I knew the taste wouldn't dispel the anxiety that was now creeping into my mind.