The Choice 1

After yesterday, I don't think I will be able to go to school today. Everyday is getting harder for me to take in. I am currently sitting beside my bed as it's raining again. My fears are coming back. But still for now I can manage. I want to call Ian but I think I should try and call Sebastian first to settle this once and for all. If he answers, even with a text, maybe we still have a chance but if he doesn't then this is it. I had fun while it lasted. I called him, five times. To give him the benefit of the doubt maybe he would answer this time. Then my phone beeped. ---I'm still here at school, can you come over here instead? Can we talk?--- it says, it's weird that he asks me to go there, its not like him But still maybe there was a problem over there. So, I changed my clothes and went over there. I tried finding him then there he was standing. I was supposed to call his name but then another figure came into view. Bianca. She hugged him and he was gently caressing her hair while she cries. Then she spots me and she smriks, she made her sobs louder. I gasped. As tears came running down my cheeks. He made his choice. It wasn't me. Then he looked over. And his eyes widen. 'It's not what it looks like" Bianca says, pretending she doesn't know anything 'I think, its exactly what it looks like" I say, turn away and ran He caught up to me. He stops me and turns me to him and hugs me. I pushed him away. 'I called you so many times, I was happy when you answered with a text message. I thought, Maybe he really wanted to change then I got here and see this, I think you made a choice" 'What are you saying? You didn't call nor did I ever text you. Look, this is not what it looks like" 'I called you so many times and then you sent me a message" then I fish my phone out and showed him the message. His eyes widened "that's not me, believe me. I wouldn't let you go here alone you know that" "then she did" I say pointing at Bianca standing far away "Impossible. She wouldn't set me up like that" I gasped "I guess they were right" I whispered "what do you mean?" he asks trying to reach out my hand but I backed away "you weren't really over her. Thats why, these past few months you never said you love me" I whisper but it was loud enough for him to hear "Do you hear yourself right now?!" he asked mad " Are you happy now? are you happy breaking me into pieces? I fell for you, Even though I know I shouldn't have." a sob escaped my lips. I didn't want him to see me this vulnerable but I can't keep it anymore 'What? I love you Kristen for goodness sake. I was just here because I needed to make things clear" 'When? Where? How?" 'What do you mean?" 'Where is this love you're saying? I can't feel it anymore. When do you love me? When it's convenient for you? How do you even know you love me, I don't even know what love is?" I almost whisper everything I said but I made sure he heard me He stood there just like he always does. Stands there and just stare at me while I am at my weakest point. I smiled 'Just....nevermind I said that." I turn away and he runs his fingers through his hair then I look back. I parted my lips wanting say something but I stop myself afraid that I might regret it later and that I might hurt myself even more. I shake my head, close my eyes and took a deep breath. When I open my eyes, our eyes met. I gave him a faint smile and turned away. Then Ian came to pick me up, I texted him earlier because I knew somewhere in my heart this was going to happen. I smiled to myself, I knew and yet I expected too much. I sat down as he made sure I was in my sit with a seatbelt on, he didn't ask and just drove away. "What Happened Back there?" Ian finally asks "Nothing. Can you please take me home? My chest hurts again." I tell him "Do you want to go the hospital first?" he asks "No, its fine. I just need to drink water and sleep." "We should tell dad you know" "Please Ian. Not now. let me tell them but not now. I can't handle yet." "Okay" he whispers then we drove home. My house and after that I told him to leave me alone for a while. He was reluctant but later he agreed. I was alone for hours and then a sudden knock on my door disturbed me. I open the door and saw Sebastian. "What are you doing here?" I ask in a cold voice "I want us to talk" "about what?" "You need to stop doubting me, doubting her. It's not always what it seems. I asked her about the text and she didn't know. She knows nothing about it" "Name one person who's guilty and admitted their mistakes. Even I don't admit my mistakes" "Just....Just trust me on this. You don't know here like I do" Anger riled up inside of me. He is still fucking defending her after losing me.. "This is the fifth time you try and save her! She's a cunning bitch! Can't you see that?!" "I have known her for years Kristen! How do you expect me to..." I cut him off "to believe me." I nod "right, you've met me like months ago, you told me you love me and all but no matter what I tell you won't believe me" "It's not like that! how many times do I have to tell you that I love you but every time we fight about this or about her, you always say the same things!" "What if I tell you I'm dying, Sebastian? would you believe me?" I ask He run his fingers through his hair. "Stop being ridiculous Kristen. You're trying to make things difficult for me it's not going to work" he says and I stay silent "Look, isn't it enough that you trust me? you trust me. right?" I smiled " I do. but if trusting you means I'm the one who's delusional or the liar here then I don't think this is going to work out. I'm sorry Sebastian. Trust is for two people who loves each other" I swallowed a lump in my throat and I continued "But I don't think you love me enough to believe me" "Kristen, can we please talk about this at least?" "We talked about this so many times and that times, never once you believe me. You do this many times, we do these many times. Go home Sebastian. I don't wanna see you anymore" "Kristen please you know I can't live without you" "You should've thought of that before killing me little by little with your words that kept defending your so-called friend" I say With that I closed the door. I don't know if he is going to stay long but I need to think everything through. I think it's time to go home. Later that night. I check if Sebastian was still down stairs but no. So, I called Ian to pick me up. When we reached the house, he guided me in holding my both sides. "Oh dear what happened?" Selena asks I didn't answer. "I'm surprise to see you here. Is there something wrong?" my dad says "I'm not going to stay long don't worry" I tell "We would be happy if you would stay long or even forever" I scoffed. Even though I'm so weak right now. I still have this anger in me that pushes me to talk back "don't pretend like you like me being here.' "Kitty" my dad says sweetly but sadly "Don't call me that! I'm not your daughter anymore! You had no right to call me that form the moment you left me and my mother in the rain crying for you to come back!" I push Ian away and tried to stand up strong. "Never act like YOU CARE ABOUT ME ALL OF A SUDDEN!' "Kristen I care about you a lot. You don't know how much I have missed you." I shake my head laughing sarcastically and tears just won't stop falling. "do you know how hard for me after a this years to be good enough for you? for this fucking....what you call a family?" I wipe my tears angrily "I tried everything for you to get me back. But there wasn't even a moment you tried to. Then I heard of Ian. Your step son." I pause "He told me how you were supportive of him even though he wasn't as good as he thinks he is" I sob and couldn't control anything anymore "I thought maybe I wasn't just good enough for you to stay with me. YOU FUCKING LEFT ME FOR GODSAKE. YOUR OWN DUAGTHER!" "I tried so hard not to care. Tried so hard not think about I am worthy of being loved. But life is just cruel to me." I broke down "No one ever did stay. Not even you. Even Sebastian didn't choose me." 'What did Sebastian did?" Ian asked angrily but I brush him off 'And I think maybe if you were all going to choose, to take care of.me or be happy with this family. I know for a fact that you won't choose me. No one will ever choose me." I sob continuously No one will ever will.