25- A Silent Tear

"Zain, I want to be with you, forever." "But, I don't." And his reply stunned her whole being. Her mind turned blank, praying she heard him wrong but she didn't. His eyes widened as well, not believing he said what never crossed mind before till now. Could it be called a slip of tongue? But, not all of them are wholehearted, so what was it? "Hoorain, I-" He tried to call when her steps retreated, coming closer, hoping to provide any justification of his unwanted words. "No, it's okay. I should have known." She whispered, putting her hand in between to refrain from having any physical contact with him at the moment. "Listen, I didn't mean-" He tried to say softly, guilt-ridden by his choice of words but he was registering. And the question was abrupt for him, he truly didn't mean those words in the context she thinks. That is not how he meant his words. "Then how come those words reached your lips?" She argued as a tear rolled down her cheek, slapping his hand away which was about to hold her shoulder. "I don't know but I don't mean them like this. Believe me." He whispered desperately, his lips began to quiver, hoping to provide a justification for the heart he broke. "Why don't you accept it, Zain? This is what you have always wanted." She hissed, taking a step back. Tears recollected in her eyes, reflecting her devastation which deluged him in remorse. Halted where she refused his warmth, immobilized. 'My presence in your life is only a disdain. You never wanted it, you never wanted this bond to last." She said in a broken voice, pushing the hair falling on her face back, biting her lips to not cry. 'You are only loyal to your obligations, not me." And she whispered what cracked her heart, smearing his emotions and replacing it with anguish. 'No, Hoorain. This is not like that-" His voice cracked as well, curling his hand in a fist, lips parting to speak but nothing came before her sorrow. 'Then what?!" She snarled, raising her voice, pointing her finger in contempt. 'Do you think my feelings are a glib that you can mold them to your wants? Be attracted whenever you feel like, show your most affection but in reality all you desire is separation!" She yelled. Exhausted of their bond which is only becoming a grave of her emotions by constant realization that- Bonds made upon the foundations of force only wilts. 'Why don't you just say it once?! Please don't break my heart constantly." She cried, impotent to cope with the anguish anymore. 'Hoorain, I am sorry." He whispered, losing his breath, eyes narrowed in dejection but no consolation could repair the damage done. 'No, no, It's okay. I should have known that I am the selfish one, I am the one who is powerless before her feelings that under all circumstances, I was going to love you." She forced a smile, turning her head away, wiping her tears. Taking a few deep breaths, the tears continued to glisten on her face and she turned to him, 'But, of course, you don't have to be obliged to return this love. You don't have to give back what I feel." Her heart felt heavy, her dreams crushed after realizing her worth in his eyes, whispering the wrongdoing of her point of view, 'I am at fault for loving you." 'Please don't say this." He said, coming closer, appalled at her word, he wants to make her understand that things don't remain the same forever. What they were yesterday doesn't mean they will be today as well. 'I don't know how it came to my lips, I didn't think. Please. I meant in another sense." He said, eyes narrowed in immense woe, he could feel his heart getting suffocated by her tears. Her words were hurting him and he cannot change his statement. 'So do I, I never think." She reasoned, sniffling, wiped her eyes to remove the tears, rejecting to shed tears for a bygone. 'That's the difference between us. You are so practical, so immaculate, contemplates actions, thinks but I am not like this." She said, swallowing hard, hardening her tone but the gloom softened her tone. 'I didn't think twice before confessing knowing you would reject me and it would break me but I did because I didn't think." She said, explaining the difference, parting them. Not always the opposite attracts, your differences become obstacles. 'I just don't think.. I should have…" She whispered, making a tight fist, refusing to cry anymore, pacing around with deep breaths. 'Hoorain, please don't…" He couldn't speak further. 'I am so sorry for forcing you into this bond." She stopped away from him, forcing a woeful smile. 'But, it was going so beautifully well, I wanted to drown in the attention you never showed before, it felt like an illusion to have you this close." Thinking about what she gained in his presence was her solace. 'I.. I felt like all of my dreams came true." She said honestly, smile growing wider and after countless struggles a tear still rolled down her cheek. 'It was so beautiful, Zain." 'It still can be." Zain reasoned but she replied instantly, 'It won't. Believe me, it won't be the same for me anymore." She shook her head and Zain realized he messed things badly by his wrong choice of words and none of his words could cure her wound anymore. He should have been comprehensive about what he said but he wasn't but he stumbled, he always thinks before speaking and this happened so abruptly that he couldn't make his sentence properly. 'I am sorry." He apologized sincerely, lowering his head, knowing he was powerless at this moment. 'I forgive you, I don't have any complaints with you, I am not angry at you but myself." She shook her head and continued to smile, resenting him was never an option. But, She was right about one thing- 'I shouldn't have asked the question whose answer I cannot bear." He kept looking down as a pitch-silence came between them and shaking her head, she went back home. The moist in her eyes was clear but the gloom remained, her heart clenched but she remained devoid at the moment, wanting to be alone to take her agony out. 'Oh hey, Love, How was your first day?" Emraz asked happily. He was waiting for her the whole time and grinned when she came. 'How did you come? It's so late, who dropped you? You could have called me." He said worriedly, giving her a side hug. 'Zain did." She replied faintly. 'Oh, I see. So, how was it? I cannot believe my little girl has grown so much." He grinned, pinching her cheeks. Delighted for her progress. 'It was great. I guess there is a whole world to explore out there." She forced a smile, looking up at him, trying not to show the sting on her chest. 'Of course! I am so happy for you." He beamed, pulling away from her. 'Thanks." She trailed off, looking away for a second. 'Umm, Bhai, I am tired. Can we talk in the morning?" She asked sweetly. 'Sure. But, did you have dinner?" He asked sternly, causing her to giggle with a nod. 'Yes. I did." 'Good. Good night then." He patted her head, giving her his blessing as they left for their respective rooms. She went to her room, threw her shoes away, exhausted to think or change. She felt doloros from everything, only a weight remained on her chest. She fell on the bed and closed her eyes, grabbing a pillow and curling like a ball as her lips began to quiver. His words wreck her mind, shallow breaths and a broken heart emanated a tear which rolled down followed by a stream of it and the voice she buried dug. Tears released from her eyes, heartbroken and devastated she began to muffle her cries on the pillow, hugging it with her tears soaking it. I truly shouldn't ask the unbearable. She thought but it was too late. Her heart was already ravaged as she remained like this for the rest of the night, sobbing her emotions out to empty her heart. Meanwhile Zain remained where she left him, stunned. Curling his hands in a fist, he could feel a tingling sensation of pain stirring his mind. Why did her tears hurt so much? He thought but it was followed by another regret. What have I done? I.. I wasn't supposed to say this.. I shouldn't… He thought, pressing her teeth together, his heart razed, blazing with inexplicable wrath and agony as if someone's evil eye casted on his shadow. Delicately fragmenting his heart and after countless efforts, after many façades of perfection, after a devilishly long time; he was genuinely hurt. And with a silent tear rolling down his cheek, he left her doorsteps.