41- Lost

"What!?" Rehman asked in disbelief. "Yes, Isra came to know everything." Emraz said. Apart from Hoorain, Rehman was the only person who knows why Emraz left. "It doesn't seem like she will come back." "Isra wasn't ready to give him a chance before and now.." He sighed, wanting to do something for his kid but couldn't. "Let's just hope it won't be the end of their journey. I cannot bear my another child breaking, I won't be able to survive this." "Please don't say this, Father." Emraz said sadly, patting his shoulder to which he sighed, "What else am I supposed to do? You guys are my life, if anything happens to you, I cannot bear it..." At Bukhari household, Isra was lost in thought. Amir noticed her state of faze and asked her, "Is everything alright, Isra?" Amir asked. "Yeah... I just can't think straight." She sighed. "What is it?" "Papa... will you give someone who is crazy over you a chance?" She asked vaguely. "Hmm. Only if that person hadn't broken extremes." "And what if he did?" She asked back. "Then it's only possible if I love that person back." He chuckled a little. "I am talking about Rayan. He has done it for me." "I know. Rayan told me everything the next day after your marriage… even Edgar's incident. I was furious, I wanted you to leave him but he begged for a chance, to show how much he loves you... or else I would have told you everything long ago." He sighed, telling her. She was left taken aback by his nonchalance. "So you.. Knew?" "Not just me. Zain too. We didn't tell you because we all know you hate him." He said softly. "I don't, Papa..." She whispered. "You do... because even a stone could think of melting once and provide a chance but you never did Isra. You never tried, you never wanted to. Why were you so angry with Rayan?" he asked, wanting to know why she couldn't give him a chance because it was clear that it's not the situation where you don't like the person back- it was something else. "I... was afraid of his love.. It was too much for me to take.. I didn't want him to destroy his life because of me. That's why I decided to part ways with him." She replied in a broken tone. "Have you realized he was already destroyed?" He asked. Her eyes widened in terror, shaking her head no. "He was... for a long time. You just never cared. It's not that you don't love him back, you never wanted to." Her heart constricted when he said it. "Because you were not afraid of his love but... you can't love him as much as he loves you. You could never compete with his love and this fact frightened you." Amir said what she never accepted, what her lips were unable to pursue was right in front of her, the darkest reality of her heart. She looked down with a few tears rolling down. "I.. don't know what to do.. I wanted him to move on but when he .. I was kind of jealous but I was wrong.. He was always mine all this time and I couldn't compensate for this time." "And for it you won't give yourself a chance forever..." "No! I am just angry. It's not that I am here forever." She reasoned quickly. "I.. can't leave him.. I couldn't bring myself to.. anymore.. again..." She said, almost crying. Amir sighed and patted her head. "Bless you. I am not going to force you, just think what you believe is right." He said and left her alone in her terrorizing thoughts to think what she should do. ~*~ "Are you sure Rayan?" Emraz asked hesitantly. "Of course, you heard her, I can't force her to love me back. At this point, keeping her in this useless marriage would be a nuisance. I have already lost her… nothing can fix it." Rayan sighed, leaning back, making Emraz a witness of their divorce. "What will you do?" "What else? What I was supposed to do if you and her got married. I will go far away and never return." He smiled emptily to himself, looking away. "Never?" Emraz asked in disbelief as he smiled and nodded. "Never… there's nothing left, returning will ravage me, I can't do this anymore." He told him sorrowfully. "Rayan-" "Come on, Bhai, please. She resented me and this is her golden chance to break this bond. It would hurt a lot if she asked for it so please let me do it." He pleaded. Biting his lips, Emraz nodded and signed papers as their witness and left him alone in his apartment. When Rayan was left alone, he laughed to himself dryly, pouring himself some whiskey and sighed papers too. He laughed with tears rolling down his cheek, throwing his coat away, ripping the buttons of his shirt open, losing his sense in endless woe eating him internally. Finding himself as a perished one who searches misery in fate, he was on a rough path with no return. His scattered dreams spread like tears in his eyes, he lost his own shadow, all alone to cry. Throwing his glass, he cursed loudly, breaking into a booming sob, falling on his knees, crying out loud, cursing his life which gave him only pain by loving her. Why... was it too hard... to give me a chance? His heart asked himself, wailing, slamming his hands down. If you can't love me back in that trial, I would happily accept my defeat but you left me without giving me a chance. Closing his eyes, he let out his tears until they dried his eyes with red and soreness, tiring his heart out of emotion and mind out of thoughts, inflicting the heartbreak which fragmented his soul. With a hazy mind, he poured himself some more drink and fell back on his seat, finally calming down a little. Rayan was sitting in front of the fireplace, holding his glass of whiskey in a tight grip, deluged in unfathomable clouds of agony. The buttons of his shirt were opened, revealing his toned chest, watching the fire with the passion same as his heart along with a fiery spark of fury which caused him to tighten his grip on the glass, growling. Scattered hairs, heavy breaths, shattered heart- a complete mess. Closing his eyes momentarily, he ignored the tear which rolled down his cheek reflecting his devastation, deep in thoughts, ‘Sometimes it requires a moment to raze and forge things. What, when and how things change, we lose track of it and by the time we realize its importance, things disperse more quickly than we could imagine.' A sad smile came to his lips, thinking about talks familiar to the condition of his heart, continuing, ‘Same thing occurred to me; it crumbled. Before I could perceive or rescue the fallen thread I lost the person for whom my heart was untamed... but... ...It was nothing but the extremity of my love…' Everything that happened till now was the result of his love for her which made him do all this and now he has lost. His love has lost.