Chapter # 18

After living with Cinzel for a few days, Nathaniel and Zariah decided to move out to their new apartment. It had one room but was opulent, it was ravishing that made her stare at it in awe because it was ‘their' home. The place where she would gladly reside as long as he would be here. The place which could give her solace. A place she could call home. She couldn't be much happier. Holding the hem of her dress, she was standing in the lounge after completing the tour of the place. 'So what do you think of this place?" With his one hand in his pocket handsomely, he placed his other hand on her shoulder to press her into his chest. 'Ah, I can't tell you, it's like a dream place," 'Really?" 'Yes!" She glowed only to earn a chuckle from him. Lifting her gaze gradually to meet his endearing ones, smiling sincerely at his woman who was mesmerized just by the house. 'Just one room so my darling cannot run away from me," He laughed a little, resting his head against hers. 'And a couch big enough for you," She teased him, pointing at the couch. He faked a frown, pinching her cheeks, 'Hey," She giggled, 'I love it," Her heartbeats enhanced, a lovely sensation took over her. He made her feel protective. Like, she didn't have to hold her robotic posture anymore, he was here after all. She no longer had to act and force out her personality. Seeing him felt so surreal. Almost like a darkest fantasy, a made-up scenario. ‘Is it real? Is he truly this close? Is he sincerely being mine? It's not a lie, is it?' Ah, too many questions and she didn't want to waste a second asking them. She yearned to enjoy the moment at least once in her life. Tears brimmed in her eyes, Nathaniel had closed his eyes to indulge in the sensation of holding her close. 'Hey," 'Hmm?" He couldn't see how tears were forming a screen and blurring her vision. 'Am I dreaming?" To her innocent question, his eyes gradually opened, tilting his head in confusion. 'What do you mean?" Sniffling to suppress her tears yet one rolled down and she ended up laughing a little. 'I.. I honestly lost hopes of having a normal couple moment with you. It… feels like a nightmare," 'Nightmare?" He straightened his back, turning her to face him sternly and explain what went through her mind. 'Wouldn't it be one if I woke up only to realize it never occurred?" She confessed her dread. 'What?" He stared at her face for the next few seconds in disbelief. Her words pierced his heart. They had dealt with so many heartbreaks that two moments together seemed like an imagination. Swallowing, his palm held her face, wiping the tear shining on the cheek with his thumb. 'I don't know about nightmares but Zari, I want you to know one thing," Flashing his most charming smile, he kissed her forehead. 'My anything can be a lie, a glib but my feelings for you can never be a lie," He spoke honestly. He knew he could be selfish, mocking, mindless but amid everything, his heart was ardent towards her, at least. Losing herself in his talks, she grabbed his shirt, pressing him towards her. 'Then promise me, when you will get whatever you want from Zoran, you will marry me and we will live how we always imagined," She demanded, swaying along with the feelings. 'We were teenagers back then-" 'So what!? Dreams are dreams, whether made in childhood or adulthood." Her voice broke. She honestly had one need- him, he was here; she needed nothing. Her lips started shaking, moving her fingers around his neck accompanied by another cloud of tears. 'And what more I had asked than your companionship, Nathaniel?" She pleaded with him and her distress, disturbed him too. 'Okay, okay, relax, Zari. I.. will try my best," 'No, promise me!" 'I said I will try. Is promising necessary?" 'Yes, it is!" She hissed, senses slipping through the cracks of his silence, inducing a sting in her chest. His lack of conviction hurt. 'Promise me, Nathaniel," 'I am saying, I will give my best," He gulped from tension, holding her shoulder while forcing out a smile but she insisted, refusing to accept anything else apart from a promise. 'Why not promise?!" To her argument, he couldn't hold his affectation anymore and yelled back the true reason. 'Because I am exhausted from fulfilling your promises!" "W-What?" She froze. Staring at him in disbelief as the pain he gained on his journey to make from ‘Human Killing Machine' to ‘Zari' became transparent. 'I can't do it anymore!" A tear rolled down his cheek, grabbing her wrist to rip it from his skin. His breaths became unstable, trembling slightly. 'I have walked, fought the underworld, made you an ace, saved you from Issac. I have suffered enough for you and all my life," A deadly shiver went down her spine, not expecting him to hold complaints in his heart. The fact they were not an idealistic couple due to their silence was obvious yet hearing it from him was heartbreaking. 'And- And when you threw me at Alessandra's death, only I know how much it hurt. Okay, I agree I became your villain then… but think about me once too," He growled, curling his hand in a fist. Holding his sides, he moved back out of anguish. Covering his mouth, he wiped his tears with his sleeves before liberating the words he was carrying in his heart. 'Everything I have done…" He took a deep breath to control yet a muted sob escaped his lips. 'I did it for you. In fact, I wanted to be away from you for ‘your' good," He cried a little as she shook her head in denial, wanting him to stop. '… That was another matter I couldn't… and you know why I couldn't? Because I don't have your memories," Moving his shaky hand out to her so he could hold her shirt but failed and curled those hands in a fist and slammed them down on the table with yelling. 'The times we had been genuinely delighted together ARE ZERO!" Her breaths hitched, tears simultaneously rolled down their cheeks at his breakdown, clutching his chest from pain. 'I DON'T HAVE A SINGLE FUCKING MESMERIZING MOMENT WITH YOU!" Losing his strength, he wanted to imprison his mouth still for a scant moment- He wanted her to know about his perspective, the condition of his heart too. 'Don't say further, please, please," Crying, she ran and embraced him. Out of fury, he tried to push her away but she locked her hands, not allowing him. When his attempt failed, he inhaled sharply to wipe his tears. Turning his head away, he wiped his tears again and wrapped his other hand over her back. 'And now I need two moments of happiness with you, Zari. Two moments." He begged in her ears. People separate because they have memories to carry- he had none- he couldn't. Else, he always planned to leave. 'Please, I need… a moment," 'It's okay, I understand, I won't say anything now," Snuggling to her neck, his heavy breath on her neck while she pressed her teeth to not cry with tears soaking his shirt. 'I don't want to burden myself with any responsibility. I am saying I will try, let me do my best… please," Swallowing down his lump, he held her face again, resting his forehead against hers. Wiping her tears with rapid breaths to put his unmanageable sensations at serene. 'I won't say anything, I will wholeheartedly accept anything you will do for me, Nathaniel," She whispered sincerely. Grabbing his wrist so she could kiss his hands as if she worshiped him- she did. 'I will do anything for you," 'I am drained… I can't do this anymore, I am sorry, I don't want to make any promises," He murmured, letting out a long exhalation to control his feelings. 'I… am sorry, Nathaniel," 'I-I didn't mean to hurt you, I am sorry, I am just.. Tired. I didn't mean to raise my voice- I am sorry," He sniffled. Pulling away slightly when she didn't let go and wrapped her hands around his arm. 'I am sorry, my love," He stared at her for a few seconds, allowing the flare in his heart to settle before resting his head over hers. 'I am so tired, Zari, I want to rest," Closing her eyes, she melted in him entirely. 'I am so sorry, I won't do this again, I will do anything you say…" She knew at this moment, she would ‘never' do anything that could displease him… She was falling, mindlessly, hopelessly, endlessly.