Chapter # 41

In his office, he was lying on the couch, one hand under his head and the other resting over his stomach, inscrutable eyes staring into nothingness. His chest constricted, mind going through a disturbance, a strange unwanted feeling rising in his core, causing a troubled state. He was restless, too much. 'What happened?" De Villiers asked, noticing the grimace plastered on his features. 'I am infuriated," He replied without a second thought. Picking the dagger from the table, he twirled it around his fingers for enlivenment but it didn't allow to divert his mind. In fact, it worsened that he couldn't use it anymore. 'Fuck, she has killed him too, how am I supposed to release my wrath now?" Growling, he pressed his head harder into the armrest to shut his eyes while recalling the moment how he used to liberate this wrath on Guru. 'Nathaniel, Nathaniel, stop! You will kill him!" De Villiers shouted. Attempting to pull him back when Nathaniel stabbed Guru, fumes emitted from him continuously. 'Come in between and I will kill you too!" He scowled, pointing that same dagger coated with blood at him. 'Get back, dammit!" Exhaling at his uncontrollable brutality, he moved back, putting his hand defensively in the air, giving up on guiding him through this monstrous state. 'Okay, okay, geez, you are… a monster," He had gone beyond the point of recovery after all. While remembering this moment, the words he never paid heed towards when spoken by De Villiers but when Zariah did- they engraved in his brain. 'You had gone blind in hatred, you have become a beast, a monster," 'A monster… huh?" He chuckled dryly to himself, not opening his eyes while tracing the dagger in the air. Contemplating everything as his anger was reduced gradually but he was unsure how to deal with this situation. Throwing the dagger away, he rubbed his temples out of frustration, smirking at his reaction. To find him so powerless, he couldn't do anything to fix this state of his all because the cause was Zariah and he couldn't possibly damage the situation more than he already did. 'What are you thinking?" De Villiers asked casually. 'Is Zariah with you?" 'Yes, who else she'd be with?" 'What if she will be?" 'She won't. She knows you will come to her and she is there where you can find her easily. She can't leave you after all," He replied, obviously, Zariah didn't come to leave, she would open a space for him to redeem. Sitting up slowly, he hung his head low, filled with gloom, 'Will she forgive me?" 'That I can't say for sure," 'I have hurt her… I said what I shouldn't. Will she come back?" 'Why don't we find out?" He suggested, rising from the seat. 'How?" 'Come and call her back. If she has lost here sensibility in love, she will come back despite your low actions," 'Don't have to say this." He muttered, already feeling horrible about it and continued, 'And what if she didn't?" 'Then she still knows respect is something that is given and taken," De Villiers snickered, wondering where this would lead. He wanted to see Zariah's level of devotion too, was she too vulnerable or still aware how to stand firmly. 'Tsk," 'So, are you coming?" 'Do you see another option before me?" Nathaniel mumbled rudely. Grabbing his waistcoat as he set his hair a little to look presentable enough, praying Zariah would accept him which seemed difficult. 'Where am I supposed to go by staying away from her?" Placing his hand over his heart, he took a deep breath, determined to use all possible means to have her back, he needed her after all. 'Especially when I am the one at fault," They both knew they couldn't stay away from each other after years of separation. So in hopes of convincing her, he came with De VIlliers to his apartment, wanting to fix the result of his vacuous actions. ‘Okay, you can do this,' Mentally preparing himself, he took a deep breath as the door opened and he found Zariah there with Amanda. A moment to silence brimmed but before it could convert into awkwardness, Nathaniel decided to break the muteness and called her, clearing his throat. 'Zariah," 'I think you two should talk alone," De Villiers trailed off, motioning Amanda to go with him, leaving them to talk openly. Sighing, Zariah poured a glass of water and gave it to Nathaniel who stood worriedly. 'So, what brings you here? Must not be me," 'Zariah, come home," He said sincerely, grabbing her wrist instead of the glass. 'What home?" She frowned, pulling her wrist away and took a seat. Taking a sip to gather his scattered thoughts, he sat beside her, expecting her to return. 'Oh- you mean your apartment? No, thank you," She placed her hand in between when he leaned in to whisper, voice coated with melancholy to convince her. 'Don't be like this, Zariah, you have to come with me. We only have each other-" To his desperation, she moved to the edge, knitting her brows mockingly. 'Excuse me? 'I only have you, not you," She corrected him, disliking him twisting words in order to wrap her in his charm which won't always work. 'You have your childhood friend, your sister, your brother in law, nephew, nieces, you have people you love and those who love you," 'But me, who do I have? Literally no one." She hissed. Slamming her hand down, not bothering to spare a glance so his anguish won't disrupt her rage. 'Still you didn't think twice before telling me to get out," 'I swear I didn't mean it, why would I ever want you to leave? The person I want beside me the most?" He whispered, scooting closer. He extended his hand to hold her, using his most sugary resonance, expressing woe due to her absence. Her disappearance from his proximity was disturbing him transparently but- 'Then you should have thought about it before." Growling, Zariah got up to leave as he grabbed her wrist, not allowing her to go away. 'Don't go. I only want to have you…" His voice broke, pleading painfully with her, dying for her acceptance but to not avail. 'I did too but did you think twice before telling me to get out? I don't fucking think so." 'Zariah, please," To his pleading, Zariah lost her composure and poured the water from the glass over him before pushing him away, forcing the realization of how much it agonized her. He stood still, blinking with water dripping from his hair, disbelief brimming that she rejected him so furiously. 'Fuck you and get lost," She growled, pointing at the door. He was apprehensive as her anger was justified, he took it as a means to make them equal and raised his hand mid-air, curling them in a fist. He let out a long, disappointing exhale, left with no words. She continued to glare, losing her breaths with a tear pricking. Undeniably, her mind was submerged into stress as well. She didn't like doing this but wanted to show one shouldn't treat others however they way- she did nonetheless. Nathaniel spared a final glance at her and left sadly. 'Fuck!" After Nathaniel left with a crushing heart, Zariah scoffed, believing she felt the same betrayal and anguish and he must go through it as well. Yet doing this hurt her terribly. Slamming her hand down, she roughly wiped the tear in the corner. 'So you are that angry?" The second she plopped on the couch, De Villiers came with a chuckle, taking a seat as well. 'To reject him? Rare coming from someone to whom he exists as her universe," Becoming serious, she turned to him, 'De Villiers," 'Hmm?" 'Just because he knows I am blind and crazy for him, that I only have him, doesn't give him the right to treat however he pleases." She explained, not wrong in her perspective as well. De Villiers was taken back, not expecting Zariah to be this sensible enough to differentiate between being used and boundary of dignity. And then Nathaniel's words came- ‘I want her to be blindly devoted to me,' De Villiers couldn't help but to laugh bewildering Zariah. 'What?" 'I guess you are not a robot or a human killing machine anymore," He smirked. She smirked back, 'Maybe I still am because I was never one, in his matter, for him," 'From marrying him, to wanting to take revenge, redeeming actions, longing for him… I was never a robot for him," She trailed off. Well aware her heart was weak, if he came again, she might not be able to remain enraged and send him away. 'I know and I only hope the best happens to you two," 'If… I am being honest," Smiling to herself, her hands wrapped around her body, rising from the seat as she declared her darkest wish. 'I want my Nathaniel at all cost," De Villiers arched an eyebrow, 'And what is included in the context of ‘at all cost'?" 'Everything," Suppressing a chuckle, she walked away, leaving them pondering what she meant by this.