Chapter # 37

The sight. The moment. The smirk on his face. Zariah was impotent to rip that from her mind and with a shaky condition, she returned to her apartment. Her mind was submerged in undesirable feelings that were scaring her. ‘He wasn't wrong though, his sister, his parents, his life ripped apart instantly. This one action forced him to this path…" Forcing herself to believe that he deserved it, he murdered his family and should receive such a hellish outcome. ‘A murderer is punishing another murderer… right?' Entering the room, the second she closed the door, she lost it. Her chest tightened and powerless to take another step, she leaned against the door. Closing her eyes, a tear rolled down miserably. Falling to her knees, she covered her mouth in order to subdue the sensations roaming wildly in her mind. 'He deserves this, my Nathaniel can never be wrong," Pulling her hair out of dismal, she repeated those words like a mantra that could mend the scar on her soul. 'He is doing the right thing," She forced herself to believe that Nathaniel was right and Guru deserved this outcome. No doubt he did but to be tortured constantly, inhumanely, that was not… acceptable too. 'My Nathaniel is right," Pressing her teeth, she pressed her forehead against her knees rigidly, forcing herself to believe that anything in this world would be wrong. But, not Nathaniel. Never her man… Her head started throbbing, declining the reality, blinded with endless devotion, her soul rejected the idea of- ‘He was not your Nathaniel,' And when this became too much for her to endure, she ended up crying. Holding back was not possible anymore. Shutting her eyes, tears silently rolled down, breaking into an agonizing sob. Because by all means, she didn't want to fail as a lover… again. Those words- 'My heart will ache forever to know my first love is my first ruse" They never healed. And to think another scar would sever their relationship, it was simply unacceptable. 'Please… save my bond, this time, please," She begged, tears streaming down her face painfully. An abysmal darkness started to surround her where she must make her decisions wisely else her bond would reach a nightmarish state. At a certain point, forcibly, she might support him but that would be nothing but exhausting to evoke what she didn't want. She didn't want to act. She wanted him to understand. And questioning the power of her feelings, praying one day she might guide him, she fell on the bed. Tired from what happened and closed her eyes to fall into a slumber, to find solace in her sleep. On the other hand, The man, to whom her rage was intolerable, had grown wild. She walked on him even after trying all methods, anger, possessiveness, pleading yet nothing worked. He knew allowing her to leave would create a wall. And how could he allow any more distances when he had gained her after endless struggles? ‘No, no, not this time. I had left your streets many times already but not again,' And to settle his flaring heart, he decided to drink until he lost his senses and De Villiers dropped him unfavorably. 'Why did you drink so much?" 'That is the only way to unshackle the lock on my tongue, my friend. Else you know me, this mouth won't open," Nathaniel laughed a little, barely walking to his apartment straight. 'Yeah, I have seen it already," He muttered. De Villiers knew he could have unchained his words at the hideout in order to make her stay but his heaviness didn't allow him. So he used another method to convey the words he failed to do before. 'There you go. I am leaving now," 'Hmm, hmm," He entered, searching for the one who left furiously, adorably scanning her while peeking through the door. 'Zariah..? My Darling?" Late at night, scattered hair, three buttons opened, revealing his toned chest, roughly rolled sleeves and a hazy mind. With an unstable condition, he returned home, entering their room only to find his Zari sleeping, sighing in relief that at least she was home. 'Zari?" Curled like a baby, she was peacefully sleeping after stealing his tranquility because to him- Let this world be his enemy, but not her anymore. Coming near, his eyes stared at her for the next few minutes sincerely. Placing his hand over his heart to notice how the heart rate enhanced. Because when he saw her, he met himself. Heavy eyes staring to mend his quelled heart, curling his lips upwards before falling to his knees. On the ground and placing his head over her feet, closing his eyes, finding his point of equanimity there. Noticing a grip on her body, Zariah's eyes gradually opened only to find the messy man resting his head against her feet. 'N-Nathaniel?" Pulling her feet back, she sat up quickly, not liking him being on the ground and in such a terrible state. 'What are you doing?" 'Sitting where I believe I belong," He smiled weakly, inclining his elbow on the bed, placing his palm over his cheek, too devotional. 'And I believe we belong beside each other. Not above or below." Sighing, before she could frown, she noticed he was quivering. His lips were trembling, a raspy, growing wild resonance leaving his lips with his eyes moistening. 'Zari…" Tears formed a screen, he eventually hid his face in the sheets, shutting them to and the tears he held back so far since her steps retreated, they broke free. 'Please don't hate me," 'What…?" Her jaw dropped, what she could never imagine doing, he uttered those words so painfully… 'What the hell are you saying?! I could never," Burying his face, afraid if he looked at her and found her hating him, he ended up sobbing, failing to suppress the untold weight in his chest. Because if he won't tell her then to whom he would? 'Please… don't… hate me… I didn't mean to.. Hurt you.. I could never…" The sound of his sobbing pierced her chest, tears brimmed the sound she witnessed his tears soaking the sheet, not lifting his head while crying. 'Please, please, please," To his whimpering, she shifted to the ground as well, cupping his face in her palm firmly to force him to look. 'I was scared only, my love, how can you ever think I will hate you?" She whispered, wiping his tears immediately as each drop he shed, it cracked her heart. Panting, her hands started shaking, wanting to do anything in order to stop him. 'You are all I have, I always dreamt of your love, of your companionship, I wanted nothing from my life but you," Sniffling, resting his head on her shoulder, his hands gripped her like it was the only and last source of his sanity, of his reason to exist. 'So please don't hate me, don't leave me." Snuggling, his hot breaths stood her hair on edge, scaring her to no extent. Anything was bearable except for his breakdown. It froze her, clenching his shirt miserable, she rested her body against his, permitting him to release his anguish as he sobbed uncontrollably. 'I promise, I will try to change just be with me," She thought expectantly, ‘Did that mean… my love won?' Taking her one hand, he kissed them desperately. 'Please, I will be how you want me to be but don't walk on me like this again," When he saw her leaving, he saw his life leaving and he couldn't allow such a moment to arrive ever again. He knew she was too precious, too important. 'I am here, Nathaniel, I am right here, don't say this, my love," She ended up crying, embracing her in her arms, placing him against her chest as his tears were over her shirt yet he refused to let her go. 'You have no idea how the thought of you leaving me has terrified me. Promise me, no matter what happens, you won't leave me," 'I won't, I promise, I won't." She whispered back with the same hopelessness. Placing her hand over his forehead, the voice of his wail blended with her and filled the absence of the sound. 'I am nothing without you, If I won't have you anymore, I would lose from my life," Their pain collided to be collected as one, hoping to escape from the fetters they chose themselves. Because one way or another, this darkness was their fault… 'Please, please, I beg you," 'I am here, I am right, It's alright. I won't leave you again, this too shall pass." She continued murmuring, letting him to be relaxed, offering him a glass of water before letting him lay on his laps. Trembling, agonizing at this condition, she held him close when he curled like a ball in her laps, hoping to gather his fragmented pieces in her embrace. 'Everything will be alright, I have faith in my prayers, I have faith in our fate," She continued whispering, holding his one hand and the other running down his hair while wiping his tears. Frightened to let him go, falling mindlessly in the pits of his love again. 'Don't abandon me like everyone else, I have no one left for me anymore, I only have you to dream of a future," He spoke weakly, tears refusing to halt. 'You give me hope of a better tomorrow, don't steal it from me," Forcing down the lump in his throat to not scatter and started crying again but it was hard to hold back. He had no idea when he would allow his emotions to let loose after all… 'Don't close our home's door on me again, please, please, please," Shutting his eyes, he curled himself more, gripping onto her hands using his remaining strength, begging her sincerely. To his begging, she made him maintain eye-contact, tears shimmering on their faces. A constriction wrapped around them as she ended up whimpering. 'Then why are you like this behind my back, Nathaniel?" To which he replied honestly. 'I have attached chains to my own feet, Zariah," With a beautiful rolling down his cheek, he begged for the only thing that could provide him redemption- His deepest wish. 'Save me from myself," Breaking into an aching sobbing again until he passed out by the effect of alcohol and crushing weight that was scattering his life, he passed out. She continued to stare at him with incredulity because in one statement, she found all her answers. It was a moment where they both knew what the biggest obstacle of their relationship was. What could be one thing that won't let them coexist how they imagined. It was none other than 'them' because- She was a prisoner of love. He was a prisoner of hate.