Chapter # 40

With an inscrutable expression, Nathaniel's emerald orbs were affixed on the glass filled with untouched alcohol. Gripping so firmly that a crack appeared as an indication that the same happened to his heart. 'She shouldn't have done it, she shouldn't have killed him, she shouldn't have murdered my prisoner.' Such words were roaming in his mind like a mantra. Expectation of apprehension was foolish, he wouldn't understand the unforeseen and abrupt change nor accept it. Undeniably, he had been consumed by darkness. And sitting beside him, his best friend smirked, finishing his drink in one go. "So you threw her out? How insensitive of you, Boss," And one comment broke the string of calmness he etched on his features and threw the glass away, shattering it to endless pieces. "FUCK!" "Why didn't you stop her, Dammit!?" He sought ways to subdue and coat his wrath with reasonings, by blaming it on someone else than Zari. Because in all honesty, how could he possibly lose someone he longed for almost two decades? De Villiers only responded blankly, "Did I ask you to throw her out? What do you want to do now? Place her as his replacement?" "Don't be ridiculous! Guru is the man I hate the most," "And Zariah is the woman you love the most," Ending in a smirk, De Villiers shifted closer, snickering to worsen his perception. "And you prioritize your hatred over your love," Nathaniel opened his mouth to argue, to curse at him for uttering an rigid fact he wasn't yet prepared to confront and punching, he rested his forehead on the counter. "I... was not thinking properly, I didn't want to do anything. She- she killed my most important asset, De Villiers," "Still-" "If- If I won't take my wrath on Guru then what will I do?" Breathlessly, clutching his heart, he found an important source of his existence being ripped from him. His mind was stuck in a state of dilemma, in extreme distress. "Sebastian has a neurological disorder.. They agree but.. Me? What- what do I have? PTSD from witnessing the nightmarish sight?" Looking here and there disturbingly, he ended up panting with tears blurring his vision, clenching his soul in the claws of anguish. "Why question? Do you and if you didn't, you wouldn't be like this," "Shut up, shut up. I am not crazy, I am not," He growled. He was no longer himself, attempting to run away from his own shadow, truly a desperate one. In a state of a shaky mess, a tear rolled down from the corner as he glanced towards his best friend, loosening his shoulders. "De Villiers... my brother..." Sending a compassionate glimpse at the irrepressible condition of his Boss, De Villiers never had words for his consolation. And when he failed to be contained by Zariah then what could he do? Wiping his cloud of tears, he whimpered. "With Guru being gone. Who would serve as a string to hold my sanity, De Villiers?" He found himself horribly struck- one of the main reasons why he tended to keep Zariah away from him- to never witness this state. And what could he do? Accept he was a maniac? Never! Agree he was carrying the trauma? Never! Believe that he was dangerous not only for him but ones around him too? Like hell! "Who would stop you from becoming a sadistic bastard?" To his miserable question, De Villiers gave a clear-cut response, pouring himself another drink. "The one you heartlessly threw perhaps?" He paused, a grimace brimming and averting his gaze with discontent. Sighing at the disapproval, De Villiers asked again, "Do you have any idea where she is, at least?" "Is she with you?" He asked quietly, watching from the corner of his eyes. "Who knows? What if I say she is not?" "Fine then, don't tell me asshole. I will track her phone," He hissed, slapping the glass from his friend's hands as well, breaking his glass too. "You are not helping me at all!" "What do you want me to do? Sugarcoat things? I have been bearing you for a long time, Boss." He growled back, pushing Nathaniel back, causing him to fall on the ground. "You.." Nathaniel hissed, glaring at De Villiers and exhaling, he offered his hand. "I have run out of consolations," Nathaniel went silent abruptly, staring at De Villiers who was done bearing his emotional breakdowns constantly. Witnessing him breaking repeatedly had exhausted him. "I have nothing but harsh realities that you can't endure anymore. I can no longer provide you any comfort." Hissing, De Villiers roughly made him stand, throwing him back to the seat and grabbing himself another glass. Nathaniel went silent, hanging his head low. Shaking his head out of disappointment, he sat down and continued. "I say you only had her and you let her go too?" "I was out of my fucking mind, okay? I was not thinking. It has been a decade, I-I I was so damn used to it. My mind was not functioning," He muttered rudely, clenching and unclenching his hands, being stubborn. He wanted to hurt Zariah for purloining his source of sanity, his means of eradicating his dismays but he was powerless too. "She had killed my prisoner, my most important source to live and I couldn't bring myself to do anything." He had mindlessly both of his source of equanimity and perturbed to fathom about it, he pulled his hair from frustration. "Am I becoming weaker?" Hitting the counter, he shut his eyes in order to escape his reality but failed, nothing shelters him from the consequences of his own actions. "What the fuck is happening to me?!" "You can't take it, Boss. You need her," "He fucking killed my little sister, my beloved Persephone... only I had the right to kill him, why did she do this?" He forced himself to convince himself and remained infuriated at Zariah. He refused to listen, to agree or comprehend, he only urged to follow his path of rage. "I thought she would... Understand, would agree that I am not," "With the path and actions you have chosen, no one will," De Villiers muttered, maintaining a fair distance from him. "So you won't go to her?" "I won't! She should apologize to me!" "Are you sure?" "Of course, she... she..." Making a miserable face, he failed to lift his gaze and rose from his seat, walking back to his room with gloom emitting from him with a mumble. "She shouldn't have done it," De Villiers heaved a sigh at his demeanor and finished his drink before grabbing his things and leaving for his home. On the other hand, Zariah was scowling internally. To perceive he gone blind in wrath was infuriating her. She was determined to not go to him and he would realize it himself how 'she' is all he had now. At De Villiers' apartment, with Amanda, she held a scowl on her features. Amanda asked, offering her a cup of coffee, taking a seat beside her. "So you won't go back to him?" "I won't. He must come to me. He told me to get out, now I won't come back to him this time," She enunciated with tears glistening in the corner. The way he didn't regard her emotions was hurting her immensely. That he placed his rage and hatred above her. Smiling, Amanda arched an eyebrow playfully, "Even if it is unbearable and hurtful?" "Yes," With a disapproving sound, De Villiers ended, "He won't, he is absolutely furious at you," "Welcome home," Amanda grinned, her face shining when he entered as she kissed his cheeks and took his office bag. "Hey," He also smiled and gave her a side hug. "I don't care. Does he think I have too many people to call my own? The only one I had who just... didn't care. I have respect too, I won't go," Zariah hissed, rolling her eyes angrily. Amanda trailed off, "I think he will come," "Why?" "Because he is her blind worshiper and with Guru, his chain, being gone. He has her only, he can't," "He will definitely come to me," She reasoned innocently, hugging herself closer, Zariah lowered her gaze sorrowfully, praying desperately that she won't fail... "Because if he didn't... my love will lose,"