Chapter # 48

Anything but that. The moment he was frightened to confront arrived. By any possible means, he couldn't allow himself to become anything else from what he claimed himself to be. His hands clasped around her body rigidly with no intention of releasing it again. Failing to maintain eye-contact, Zariah looked down dejectedly, biting her bottom lip to suppress her emotions but couldn't. "Don't say this.... Please." Forehead pressed against her shoulder with a lump around his throat that prevented him from shattering into a sob. "I.. I don't know you." "Zari, please, don't break my heart, please," He shut his eyes more to hold back the tears, the harsh breaths becoming uneven when she ended up crying. "The Nathaniel I lived my childhood with wanted to become a savior, he never wanted to become what you are. He hated it." Shaking her head, she found herself obstructed from her dreams, the talks they once did were contrary to their actions. "He hated his mother, he wanted to be like his father but in the end, you are a contaminated blood after all." He couldn't bear the sound of it as she told him between her sobs, taunting him as well for his actions. "Zariah, please, stop it..." He gasped but she couldn't bear it anymore, she must release the words she buried. Failing to bear his proximity, she forcefully ripped her body from him to confront him face to face, hitting his chest with tears glistening on her face. "You live in a land of lies, you live in an empty home, you create deceptions." He whimpered, finding himself drained of energy, "No..." "You bathe in blood, you enjoy it, you are a monster..." Growling, she pointed her finger at him, pushing him back as a tear painfully rolled down. Quivering tremendously, his eyes were begging her to seal those words stabbing his very soul but she continued, engraving them into his soul. Leaning dangerously closer to his face, she hissed. "You. Are. Not. The. Man. I. Fell. For," "I SAID ENOUGH, ZARIAH!" Releasing the sob at the edge of his patience, he fell on the bed, covering his face shamefully in his hands as the tears smeared. He shattered, he scattered, he found himself defeated. "Stop it... please, please, please," Her mouth gaped when the sound of his unstoppable sobs reached her ears, halting her functions in a heartbeat to merely affix her anguish to his. His cries muted hers. They anguished her explicitly. She shivered badly, witnessing him being fragmented by the unavoidable choices of his life because in the end- This wasn't the life he opted for in the first place. "Please... don't." But then again, if he wasn't then why was she still standing at his domain with the painful desire of becoming all his. To find him breaking into a wail, she shifted to her knees, losing her energy to continue. Her words disappeared before his tears. The complaints were defeated when he cried. Removing his hand to stare intensely into those crystal-like eyes gleaming with tears. "I am so worried for you, my love, I am scared of what you are becoming, of the path you are leading," Whispering using her most charming tone, she held his face in her palm. The urge to eradicate his tears evoked, it burned in her. "I- I just want to help you. I killed Guru to stop you from becoming a monster, Nathaniel," His mouth opened to speak but ended in wailing, failing to greet her compassionate gaze, willing to do anything for his betterment. "My love, please, I beg of you, stop," She ended up sobbing more, hands convulsing terribly to find him crying as he sniffled. "You are not you anymore..." Resting her head on his laps, her fingers intertwined with his firmly. Forcing to subdue his cries, those emerald gems cascaded toward the woman who was wretchedly devoted to him. "Please, hold me, leave this hatred behind. Choose me over it. Please, Nathaniel, please," Crying, begging with him, gripping him as her last source of support and for that sake of the one who exists by his name- He sealed his lip. How could they not? His Zariah cried after all. "Za- Zariah..." Nathaniel swallowed hard worriedly, leaving both of them a shaky mess as she pleaded with him. "Let me help you, I did this for you too. I can't let you drown in this darkness anymore," "Zariah, I..." Even if I want to, I can't change anymore. He knew if he had said it, it would worsen the situation so he agonizingly accepted his fate. Cupping her face, he made her stare back into his keen orbs. "Yeah... you are right..." The heartbeats moving rhythm, lips parted to inspire properly since their emotional distress had become suffocating. They found themselves trapped. "I have become a sadist bastard," She made a miserable face, still clinging onto hopes, "Guru is dead now. Let's leave this behind," "I can't. This sting is burning in my chest for decades, my soul is on fire, nothing could soothe it," "Please, Nathaniel, my love, return to me, I want you desperately, don't be like this." Wiping his tears, his hands defenselessly held the sheets to show his hesitation but to obliterate it, she weakly placed her hand over his. Wanting him to know that the moments of their distances were gone and she was here now. All he had to do was to trust her. Yet being incapable of doing it, he chuckled dryly. "If I am being honest," Removing his hands from hers, disappointed in himself as he pushed his hair behind, covering his eyes with his palm. "I have lost myself, my identity somewhere along the way. I don't know what Nathaniel are you talking about," "Please don't say this..." "I don't know who I am, who I was, what I should be. I don't know anything." Tears stole their vision as he slowly, very slowly gripped his shirt to reveal his desperation, having difficulty in breathing due to pain. "All I know is that... Zariah," He could cry again at any point, still held him at bay and confessed wholeheartedly the position he accepted sincerely in this world. "I am a worshiper of your existence..." Her whole being froze, a satisfactory shiver went down her spine out of disbelief, forming goosebumps all over. "....What?" Holding the inability to be composure, he sobbed again, holding her shoulders and rested his forehead against her, crying his heart out. The pain, the heartache, the words he carried all this time, he expressed them through his words and tears. "I worship you, my darling, I am your blind worshiper, I am a dangerous worshiper but whoever I am... I worship you." She found herself at a loss of words, all her doubt vanished, all the worries were murdered. "From saving you, to making you hate me, to hide this side of mine from you, to desire moments with you." And nothing but his sincerity and those tears existed for her, staring intensely at the man who was madly, passionately, desperately in love with her. "You, you and only you exist in my mind," Shifting his hands to the side of her neck, he kissed her forehead. His tears reached her skin leading to her lips, pecking them, swaying her along with his ache. "So please, anything could be a lie, I can be a liar, I can be a sadist, a resentful human but-" He held back his sobbing but failed and ended up crying painfully that startled her. "But my feelings are not, I swear, they are not, Darling!" Gasping, he pulled away abruptly, leaving her in a daze, on the ground, staring at the man who had lived by her name all his life. Apprehensive, she had no idea his confession would shake her core. Stiff, her eyes blankly, fretfully observed each inch of his emotions he found hard to express. "Because this is the extreme of my love, Zariah!" Wiping his tears, he finally found some serenity but not locking this beautiful disaster tonight. He let those words burn from this tongue and now blaze her soul. He had found his relief. He had confessed truthfully. "Even I don't know myself how much I love you, how crazy I am for you, I don't know anything myself except the fact-" Forcing the lump in his throat, he gripped her hair obsessively, breathlessly, staring dead into her soul and let his soul murmur another undeniable truth. "That I will burn you, myself, and this world one day," To his senseless divulgence, she did what she considered right to cool his embers. She held his face possessively, pulling him into a passionately, needy and rough kiss to induce the realization that- None of them could leave each other, even if they wanted to.