Chapter # 47

After getting his bone and wounds treated, they were back in their apartment which felt terrorizing in his beloved's absence. Zariah remained silent all the time yet refused to leave his side and her existing next to him was enough to tranquilize him. At least she was here, with him, beside him, in his pain. 'Hey," She was in the room, sitting next to him and without a warning, he grabbed her hand, whistling at her to gain Zariah's attention. 'Hmm?" 'Thank you for saving my life," He murmured sweetly, brushing his thumb over her knuckles. Staying with him, helping with anything, feeding him, helping him change, holding his hand all the time. With a grimace, not to mention. Because despite her emotional stress, her feelings for him were the same. How could she possibly stay angry at him? Or leave him to suffer. 'I saved mine," And him, how could he allow her to be enraged in his presence? So he was using all his possible means to earn a smile from her. But, for the past few days, to no avail. 'Have I ever told you that seeing you calms my soul?" 'No," 'Seeing you calms my soul, Zari," He grinned, forgetting his pain for a moment, solely focused on her. She didn't smile. 'I will get your dinner," 'Our, darling," He corrected with a wink. 'Yeah, yeah," Keeping her gaze lowered, words abruptly vanished from her lips and replaced with an unknown stress. Bringing the dinner, they were having it on the bed, she offered him a bite, closing his legs, indulging in the moment he opened his mouth. 'Here open your mouth," She put the tray away after dinner and gave him his medicine as he called her again with a smirk. 'Hey," 'Hmm?" 'What would you do if I had died-" She covered his mouth hastily, shaking her head in denial, 'Not a chance in my presence," He suppressed a chuckle, removing her hand playfully. Hearing those words made him feel proud. 'I know. I was right after all," 'About what?" 'Nothing," She was about to walk away but he made her sit with him, placing her hand under his cheek, feeling her heat soothing his blazing core. 'Leave my hand-" 'I am sick, I need some warmth," Holding her hand felt divine because each time those hands parted from his the terror of ‘what if I won't be able to hold it again?' -frightened him. He had stayed away from it enough, not anymore. It had become unbearable. Exhaling, tilting her head to get a better glimpse of his handsome face, her fingers clasped around his hard features. She cupped his cheek, caressing him with her deepest affection. Her eyes narrowed with the dread of her being a minute late. She couldn't imagine losing Nathaniel, he was her reason to live. Praying for his safety in her heart, her eyes stared intently that couldn't go unnoticed by Nathaniel. Smiling sorrowfully, he softly held her wrist, bringing her hand down to kiss them devotionally, loving the sensation of those slender fingers. 'I know you love me so much to the point it hurts," Her heart skipped a beat at his innocent statement. 'That you waited all your life for me, only desired me and yet… I ended up disappointing you," How could it not? He was her first and last love, her first kiss, her first time… sadly not first husband but her emotions were always attached to him. Even when he lost his memories. She got lost, wrapped in the melody that turned her blind and listened to him but at her lack of response he blinked. 'Are you going to remain silent? Are you still angry about what I did?" 'Look, I am agreeing I was wrong, okay? I shouldn't have thrown you out… but don't you think you shouldn't have… killed him?" She sighed, dragged out from her daze. 'I don't regret it because I didn't want to see the man I did that day again." 'Zariah please stop," 'Stop what? You are the one who is behaving strangely. First Guru and now Zoran, will you stop for once?" She snapped. 'Will you not interfere?" Her mouth gaped. The way he easily demands ‘no interference' was hurtful. Her whole life was based on him and he wanted no disturbance from her side, it made her growl as she ripped her hand away from him furiously. 'Am I not your partner?" 'Yes, but-" 'Don't I deserve to decide anyone on behalf of both of us? You can save me but isn't there anything I could do?" She continued growling, glaring at him for discarding her in a matter of heartbeat. Softening his features this time, promising himself to not snap, he grabbed her hand again, kissing the back of her palm, 'You can, you can stay with me," Using his most charming tone, he shut his eyes, emitting a deep passion to surge to her core as well. 'Give me solace, love me, stay with me, and be all mine. This is the only thing that can save me." He whispered sincerely. Nathaniel knew after everything in his life, his one redemption was his Zariah. He had labeled his life the day he promised to save her from her father. To his unstoppable endearment, she curled her hand in a fist and pulled it back weakly. She knew swaying her was a matter of snap. She would melt but she also wanted to divulge her perception too. 'Stop it, Nathaniel… please." She whimpered, a tear pricking in the corner. 'Stop what? What did I do?" He whispered out of perplexity. Losing her composure, she slammed her hands down breathlessly, painfully, distressfully. 'You scare me so damn much!" To say he was shocked would be an understatement. The moment he considered a nightmare arrived. Anything, but not that… With his jaw dropping, at first, he refused to believe and asked again for confirmation. 'What…?" With those shaky lips, she clutched her shirt. She tried extremely hard to forget the sight she saw of his hysteria but was incapable. She only heard from Prince and witnessing it herself was agonizing. He was leading a seriously wrong path. And unable to suppress it inside anymore, she let out a soft sob, covering her mouth with her hand yet some powerless tears rolled down. 'You… you have begun to frighten me, Nathaniel," 'Y-You've got to be kidding me, Zariah," He panicked, sitting up straight, attempting to hold her shoulder but she pushed him back. 'I thought nothing could induce fear in me apart from losing you but…" Sniffling she wiped her tears, forcing herself to greet those afraid orbs, finding him convulse to confront the moment he was running from. 'You have made me afraid of yourself, I can't find the man I longed for anymore…" 'No.. no…" His whole being was shaking, staring at her in disbelief, absolutely miserable. Tears brimmed, forcing the lump in his throat. His heart was weak for her after all. And when she got up to leave, he felt his soul departing so his body reacted on its own, stopping her, embracing her from behind. '...Leave me," Frightening her was something he would never, ever, imagine doing and hearing it from her cracked his heart. Hurt grazing his most cherished chattel intentionally was unfathomable. He could never. 'Please don't say this," Whispering desperately, he snuggled to her neck, hands strictly around her body. Declining to leave her warmth, not wanting to leave it ever again and his hopelessness evoked a tear in those eyes. 'Let me go, Nathaniel," 'No, no, no, never!" He responded breathlessly in a whisper. Pressing his forehead over her shoulder rigidly, making a miserable face. 'Leave. Me," And glancing from the corner of her eyes, Zariah uttered the words she had been rejecting for a long time. 'Because you are not the man I fell in love with."