Last Chapter

‘I started my life with a nightmare, in a cage from where I got sold until the man who wanted me to be his perfect creation. That cage was scary, I was alone, I was terrified. But, then I met a boy, a boy who lost everything but his pride. He had nothing left, I had everything with me. Yet he held onto everything and I had nothing. At first, I hated him and when it developed into an unconditional, perennial, limitless love- I had absolutely no idea. I agree compared to my thirty-six years of life, I had barely any moments with him. But, whatever that was, It was a beautiful, unforgettable, most exquisite time for me. I was hollow, empty before meeting him. He brightened my life, he protected me, loved me passionately, madly, endlessly, he gave me hope, and made me laugh too. Although my name meant Radiance but in reality, ‘He' was ‘my' radiance. The love of my life, the core of my soul, the beat of my heart, the shadow of my being. The worshiper of ‘my' existence… Nathaniel Alroy.' Suffocation. That was all Zariah could feel in the past two years. Her eyes staring at the ceiling as a tear rolled down from the corner, body lying lifelessly, finding herself incomplete, her life empty. In the apartment she once shared with her beloved, the preparations were done for a birthday and she was in her room. Smoke filled her lungs, mind and room too, crushing her last cigarette from the packet, she forced herself to sit, staring at her reflection. An utter mess. 'Fuck…" Shaking her head, she forced herself to get out, take a shower and clean her untidy form. Wearing a white silk dress, she set her hair, applying a little makeup. After being satisfied with her frontage, she went to the other room where a baby boy was sleeping peacefully in the crib. Forcing a smile, she took out his clothes. Matching to hers. White pants and white silk shirt to compliment his brown hair and green eyes similar to his father's. Only she knows how she had to suffer those eight months of pregnancy all alone, in misery, in mourning. 'Alastair, baby, wake up," Whispering, her fingers moved across. A bright smile appeared on his lips, opening his shining emerald gaze, grinning at his mother with four teeth. 'Hey, little man, get ready, your Auntie and cousins will be here anytime," Picking up the baby, she dressed her son, clicking a picture of them together. 'We look good together, don't you think," Shedding a tear, her chest constricted when she saw them in the mirror, refusing to leave her baby from her embrace. The most everlasting and beautiful sensation that was broken when she ended up coughing badly that some blood coated the tissue. Quickly wiping it, she forced a grin as the door knocked and they greeted the guest. 'Happy Birthday, My Dearest, Alastair Alroy, Ah, Auntie's beloved!" Cinzel beamed, picking him up and taking a spin around. 'Hello, Auntie. Happy birthday, Alastair!" The kids also entered with their father, greeting them. Zariah smiled when they came, allowing the kids to play, placing Alastair in the walker too since he hadn't learned walking yet. 'Happy birthday, Alastair!" 'I can't believe you are one already!" 'You look so much like Nathaniel," Prince complimented, patting his head as the kid grinned. The kids were playing after cutting cake and eating, creating a lively and pleasant moment. 'Mama!" The child called out excitedly but she didn't react. He only learned one word, progressing slower, he couldn't crawl or sit properly too. 'Zariah, Alastair is calling," Cinzel called, gesturing to her to look. 'Hey!" And then laughed dryly, 'And look, my worse condition affected him too, can't even stay in the walker, or sit properly," She muttered, picking him up. 'Do you know when Adam was your age, he already learned walking and all you know to speak is Mama," She scoffed but then forced a smile as he was poking her cheeks, turning back to Cinzel who frowned. 'What is wrong with you, Zariah?" 'I don't think I am cut out to be a mother, too much responsibility, he shouldn't be attached to me either," She rolled her eyes, sitting down when Alastair hugged her, refusing to leave her mother. 'What the hell is wrong with you? You shouldn't speak like this," Prince hissed, glaring at her when she kept an unaffected face. 'Can you guys stay for the night? Please?" The couple exchanged a worried glance and nodded, 'Sure…" They were sleeping in his room. The kids were in the lounge as Zariah was with Alastair in her room. The grin on the child's face was brighter, holding her with no intention of letting go as she was staring at him. Tears were filling her eyes, a trail of blood flowed from her nose that she wiped quickly and continued to grin, caressing him lovingly. 'Mama loves you, Mama loves you, so, so much, I am so sorry for hurting you," She whispered, kissing the top of his head. When her hands embraced him, he woke up, feeling her tears. 'Ma.. ma?" Since he couldn't speak properly, he merely brought his hand and wiped her tears, shaking his head in denial. Her tears hurt the one year old boy. And the adorable gesture made her burst into tears. Sitting up, she held him to her chest, sobbing silently that made him disturbed. The tears and muffled wailing from his mother made him cry too. He was too young, he knew nothing, he might never remember this sight yet as a sacred connection. The tears from his mother hurt him and he ended up sobbing which silenced her immediately. Placing him against her shoulder, she rubbed his back. 'Hey, hey, I am not crying, Darling, you sleep, Mama is here, go back to sleep," She whispered. Holding him horizontally, moving around the room until he slept in her arms. When he was deep in sleep, she left the Alroy locket Valencia made for her kids, the one that Nathaniel carried beside him as his birthday gift. Staring at him for a few more seconds before kissing his forehead and walking out of the apartment at dawn, carefully to not wake others up. Leaving a note for Cinzel and Prince- ‘I know you guys will take good care of him,' She deliberately tried to show them she was not cut out to be a good mother and went to the graveyard. She knew she couldn't. Not anymore. Her heart was pounding madly, her insides curled into unwanted sensations. Holding some papers in her hands, she was staring at the grave before her in mesmerization. 'Hey, I got you flowers." Smiling, she placed some white roses over it and swallowed hard to suppress her overwhelming emotions. Her body was shaking, a strain collected between her throat. 'Uh… Yesterday was our son's birthday and his papa wasn't even there to wish him but still I have him your locket as a gift," She muttered, faking rage. 'You know… I am a bad, bad mother, I can't even do proper nurturing," Rolling her eyes, she made a vain attempt to remain nonchalant but it all went down the drain when her body started trembling. Shifting to her knees, her fingers brushed over his grave, tears filling her eyes, calling him desperately. 'Nathaniel… Please…." And unable to carry the grief inside, she slammed her hand down, breaking into an unstoppable sobbing, having difficulty to pass one second without him. 'Please come back to me… life is too hard without you, I can't… I can't live without you… Don't you want to see how Alastair looks? How much of a messy eater he is? Do you know? he looks exactly like you," Being extremely weak for him, tears stole her vision, darkening her heart from loneliness. 'Life is too… hard… I can't.. I am sorry, I tried but I can't, not anymore…" Holding onto fruitless hopes of greeting her beloved again but none of it was bestowed upon her. Making it harsh to breathe without the one she worships. 'Even after two years… I…miss you as much as the day you left my life," Her path ahead seemed meaningless, her mind was hazy. Holding her white dress covered in the dirt from the surrounding, she cried painfully. 'Everything is meaningless, it's too painful to live without you… I can't do this anymore, you were all I wanted and couldn't have.." Sobbing sorrowfully, her voice was barely audibly yet the anguish in it flickered, the ache was transparent. And amid the heavy crying, she was coughing up blood, spilling on her dress, being suffocated. 'And…" She rejected the destiny in which he was not present and carrying that flame, here she was. Her chest clasped, making it extremely hard to breathe, inducing an unbearable pain that she beautifully neglected. Holding the ‘cancer reports' in her hands, a trail of blood flowing from her lips accompanied endless tears silently rolling down her cheeks. 'Life is too hollow without you, Nathaniel… I can't.. Continue anymore… not without you," Closing her eyes, remembering all the moments she shared with him with a grievous smile. Her vision was blackening, body rejecting her functions. Taking her last breaths along with her beloved's grave, holding a scant wish. Him, once again. All her life, all she ever required was him. And even in her last moments, all she needed was him again. 'I hope… I could be yours… in another world at least…" She chuckled weakly, failing to release a sound or move. Resting her head on the grave. Tranquilized to attain the moment she was manifesting this one moment the day his shadow separated from hers- death. After two years, her desire had been fulfilled. Laying her soul beside his. Living as a worshiper of his existence, she took her last breaths as one… THE END …